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94

THE OLD COMMODORE.

"ZOUNDS!"

CHAPTER I.

"For the bullets and the gout
Have so knocked his hull about,

That he'll never more be fit for sea."

OLD SONG.

"You have begun your history with an oath!" ejaculates the purist.

"You have begun it with a vulgarism," lisps the young gentleman who has a horror of being thought vulgar.

And, alas! I myself confess that I have commenced it with a plagiarism. I am sorry, truly sorry, that, by this confession, I have forestalled the discovery with three-and-twenty critics, who were all gaping, open-mouthed, to charge me with the crime. "Tis a vile plagiarism, certainly; for I must plead guilty to the knowledge of seven novels, be they of volumes more or less, three tales, two romances, thirteen plays, and one sermon, beginning precisely in the same manner-to say nothing of its being an invidious piracy from the commonplaces of the day; for, does not every husband, when, conscious of much wine, he comes home late, and meets the scowling brow of the soother of his soul, and views the gathering remon strance trembling on her lip, like a bee hanging with its sting in the rosebud,-does he not, I say, arrest it ere it fall, with the altisonant, Zounds! and, after this happy commencement of his chapter, has he not all the words and sentences that follow, nis own way, as I intend to have in mine?

And yet, I have a little to say in defence of this boisterous "Zounds!" I can assure the pietist that, notwithstanding its etymological derivation from the awful and right royal outbreak of "God's wounds," that it is not an oath: and, in the sense he will hereafter find it used, it is nothing more than a pain-relieving expletive, guilty of no more impiety than its more modest and que rulous brothers, "Ah me!" "Alas!" and "Lack-a-daisy!"