a necklace t'other day, and who do you think has got it? Mrs. Aml. Marry that know I not, I wish I did. Brass. Why then here's Mr. Gripe has it, and swears 'tis his wife's. Gripe. And so I do, sirrah!-Look here, mistress, do you pretend this is yours? Mrs. Aml. Not for the round world I would not say it; I only kept it, to do madam a small courtesy, that's all. Clar. Ah, Flippanta, all will out now! [Aside to FLIPPANTA. Gripe. Courtesy ! what courtesy ? Mrs. Aml. A little money only that madam had present need of, please to pay me that, and I demand no more. Brass. So here's fresh game; I have started a new hare, I find. Gripe. How, forsooth, is this true? [Aside. [TO CLARISSA. Gripe. Are you not ashamed of these ways? Do you see how you are exposed before your best friends here? don't you blush at it? Clar. I do blush, my dear, but 'tis for you, that here it should appear to the world, you keep me so bare of money, I'm forced to pawn my jewels. Gripe. Impudent housewife! [Raising his hand to strike her. Clar. Softly, chicken; you might have prevented all this by giving me the two hundred and fifty pound you sent to Araminta e'en now. Brass. You see, sir, I delivered your note. How I have been abused to-day! Gripe. I'm betrayed!-Jades on both sides, I see that! [Aside. Mon. But, madam, madam, is this true I hear? Have you taken a present of two hundred and fifty pound? Pray what were you to return for these pounds, madam, ha? Aram. Nothing, my dear; I only took 'em to reimburse you of about the same sum you sent to Clarissa. Mon. Hum, hum, hum! Gripe. How, gentlewoman, did you receive money from him? Clar. Oh, my dear, 'twas only in jest; I knew you'd give it again to his wife. Mrs. Aml. But amongst all this tintamar, I don't hear a word of my hundred pounds. Is it madam will pay me, or master? Gripe. I pay the devil shall pay ! Clar. Look you, my dear, malice apart, pay Mrs. Amlet her money, and I'll forgive you the wrong you intended my bed with Araminta. Am not I a good wife now? Gripe. I burst with rage, and will get rid of this noose, though I tuck myself up in another. Mon. Nay, pray, e'en tuck me up with you. [Exeunt MONEYTRAP and GRIPE, Clar. and Aram. Bye, dearies! Dick. Ladies, I ask your pardon, I have stayed so long, but Mrs. Aml. Ah, rogue's face, have I got thee, old Good-for-nought? Sirrah, sirrah, do you think to amuse me with your marriages, and your great fortunes? Thou hast played me a rare prank, by my conscience! Why, you ungracious rascal, what do you think will be the end of all this? Now Heaven forgive me, but I have a great mind to hang thee for't. Cor. She talks to him very familiarly, Flippanta! Flip. So methinks, by my faith! Brass. Now the rogue's star is making an end of him. Dick. What shall I do with her? [Aside. [Aside. Mrs. Aml. Do but look at him, my dames: he has the countenance of a cherubim, but he's a rogue in his heart. Clar. What is the meaning of all this, Mrs. Amlet? Why Mrs. Aml. The meaning, good lack! this all-to-be-powdered rascal here is my son, an't please you.-Ha, Graceless! Now I'll make you own your mother, vermin! Clar. What, the colonel your son ? Mrs. Aml. "Tis Dick, madam, that rogue Dick I have so often told you of, with tears trick ling down my old cheeks. Aram. The woman's mad, it can never be. Mrs. Aml. Speak, rogue, am I not thy mother, ha? Did I not bring thee forth? say then. Dick. What will you have me say? you had a mind to ruin me, and you have done't; would you do any more! Clar. Then, sir, you are son to good Mrs. Amlet ? Aram. And have had the assurance to put upon us all this while ! Flip. And the confidence to think of marrying Corinna ? Brass. And the impudence to hire me for your servant, who am as well born as yourself? Clar. Indeed I think he should be corrected. Aram. Indeed I think he deserves to be cudgelled. : Flip. Indeed I think he might be pumped. Brass. Indeed I think he will be hanged. Mrs. Aml. Good lack a-day! Good lack a-day! there's no need to be so smart upon him neither if he is not a gentleman, he's a gentleman's fellow. Come hither, Dick, they shan't run thee down neither; cock up thy hat, Dick, and tell 'em, though Mrs. Amlet is thy mother, she can make thee amends with ten thousand good pounds to buy thee some lands, and build thee a house in the midst on't. All. How! Clar. Ten thousand pounds, Mrs. Amlet! Mrs. Aml. Yes forsooth, though I should lose the hundred you pawned your necklace for.-Tell 'em of that, Dick. Cor. Look you, Flippanta, I can hold no longer, and I hate to see the young man abused.—And so, sir, if you please, I'm your friend and servant, and what's mine is yours; and when our estates are put together, I don't doubt but we shall do as well as the best of 'em. Dick. Sayest thou so, my little queen? Why then if dear mother will give us her blessing, the parson shall give us a tack. We'll get her a score of grandchildren, and a merry house we'll make her. [They kneel to Mrs. AMLET. ha! the pretty chickens, rise, And if madam Mrs. Aml. Ah-ha! ha! ha! pair, the pretty pair! Rise my rise and face the proudest of 'em. does not deign to give her consent, a fig for her, Dick!-Why, how now? Clar. Pray, Mrs. Amlet, don't be in a passion, the girl is my husband's girl, and if you can have his consent, upon my word you shall have mine, for anything belongs to him. Flip. Then all's peace again, but we have been more lucky than wise. Aram. And I suppose for us, Clarissa, we are to go on with our dears, as we used to do. Clar. Just in the same tract, for this late treaty of agreement with 'em was so unnatural you see it could not hold. But 'tis just as well with us as if it had. Well, 'tis a strange fate, good folks! But while you live, everything gets well out of a broil but a husband. [Exeunt omnes. EPILOGUE. SPOKEN BY MRS. BARRY. I've heard wise men in politics lay down You'd find your tyrants-what I've found my dear. You've seen to-night, a sample for your use: I know they'll make campaigns, risk blood and life; But this is a more terrifying strife; They'll stand a shot, who'll tremble at a wife. Let all your visits of your feats resound, Be wise, and keep 'em under good command. (WRITTEN BY MR. STEELE) SPOKEN BY MR. Booth. OUR author's wit and raillery to-night The other style you full as well advance; On this great question, which house first should The new French steps, imported by Ruel? Some hopes of your indulgence and applause. Then to glass pillars turns her conscious eyes, Thus all must own, our author has done more, SCENE 1.-A Street. Enter DON CARLOS and SANCHO. ACT I. Don Car. I tell thee, I am not satisfied; I'm in love enough to be suspicious of everybody. San. And yet methinks, sir, you should leave me out. Don Car. It may be so, I can't tell; but I'm not at ease. If they don't make a knave, at least they'll make a fool of thee. San. I don't believe a word on't. But good faith, master, your love makes somewhat of you: I don't know what 'tis, but methinks when you suspect me, you don't seem a man of half those parts I used to take you for. Look in my face, 'tis round and comely, not one hollow line of a villain in it. Men of my fabric don't use to be suspected for knaves; and when you take us for fools, we never take you for wise men. For my part, in this present case, I take myself to be mighty deep. A stander-by, sir, sees more than a gamester. You are pleased to be jealous of your poor mistress without a cause. She uses you but too well, in my humble opinion. She sees you, and talks with you, till I am quite tired on't sometimes; and your rival, that you are so scared about, forces a visit upon her about once in a fortnight. : Don Car. Alas! thou art ignorant in these affairs he that's the civilest received is often the least cared for. Women appear warm to one, to hide a flame for another. Lorenzo, in short, appears too composed of late to be a rejected lover; and the indifference he shows upon the favours I seem to receive from her, poisons the pleasure I else should taste in 'em, and keeps me on a perpetual rack. No! I would fain see some of his jealous transports; have him fire at the sight o' me, contradict me whenever I speak, affront me wherever he meets me, challenge me, fight me San. Run you through the guts. Don Car. But he's too calm, his heart's too much at ease, to leave me mine at rest. San. But, sir, you forget that there are two ways for our hearts to get at ease: when our mistresses come to be very fond of us, or we, not to care a fig for them. Now suppose, upon the rebukes you know he has had, it should chance to be the latter. Don Car. Again thy ignorance appears. Alas! a lover who has broke his chain will shun the tyrant that enslaved him. Indifference never is his lot; he loves or hates for ever; and if his mistress prove another's prize, he cannot calmly see her in his arms. San. For my part, master, I'm not so great a philosopher as you be, nor (thank my stars) so bitter a lover, but what I see - that I generally believe; and when Jacinta tells me she loves me dearly, I have good thoughts enough of my person never to doubt the truth on't. See, here the baggage comes. Enter JACINTA with a letter. Hist, Jacinta, my dear! Jac. Who's that? Blunderbuss! Where's your master? San. Hard by. [Pointing to DON CARLOS. Jac. O, sir! I'm glad I have found you at last; I believe I have travelled five miles after you, and could neither find you at home, nor in the walks, nor at church, nor at the opera, nor San. Nor anywhere else, where he was not to be found. If you had looked for him where he was, 'twas ten to one but you had met with him. Jac. I had, Jack-a-dandy! Don Car. But, prithee, what's the matter? who sent you after me? Jac. One who's never well but when she sees you, I think; 'twas my lady. Don Car. Dear Jacinta, I fain would flatter myself, but am not able; the blessing's too great to be my lot. Yet 'tis not well to trifle with me: how short soe'er I am in other merit, the tenderness I have for Leonora claims something from her generosity. I should not be deluded. Jac. And why do you think you are? methinks she's pretty well above-board with you. What must be done more to satisfy you? San. Why, Lorenzo must hang himself, and then we are content. . Jac. How! Lorenzo ! Jac. Why, you are not mad, sir, are you? Jealous of him! Pray which way may this have got into your head? I took you for a man of sense before. [To SANCHO.] Is this your doings, Log? San. No, forsooth, Pert! I'm not much given to suspicion, as you can tell, Mrs. Forward: if I were, I might find more cause, I guess, than your mistress has given our master here. But I have so many pretty thoughts of my own person, housewife, more than I have of yours, that I stand in dread of no man. Jac. That's the way to prosper; however, so far I'll confess the truth to thee; at least, if that don't do, nothing else will. Men are mighty simple in love-matters, sir. When you suspect a woman's falling off, you fall a-plaguing her to bring her on again, attack her with reason, and a sour face. Udslife, sir! attack her with a fiddle, double your good-humour; give her a ball-powder your periwig at her let her cheat you at cards a little-and I'll warrant all's right again. But to come upon a poor woman with the gloomy face of jealousy, before she gives the least occasion for't, is to set a complaisant rival in too favourable a light. Sir, sir! I must tell you, I have seen those have owed their success to nothing else. Don Car. Say no more, I have been to blame; but there shall be no more on't. Jac. I should punish you but justly, however, for what's past, if I carried back what I have brought you; but I'm good-natured, so here 'tis ; open it, and see how wrong you timed your jealousy! Don Car. [Reads.] If you love me with that tenderness you have made me long believe you do, this letter will be welcome; 'tis to tell you, you have leave to plead a daughter's weakness to a father's indulgence: and if you prevail with him to lay his commands upon me, you shall be as happy as my obedience to 'em can make you. LEONORA. Then I shall be what man was never yet.-[Kissing the letter.] Ten thousand blessings on thee for thy news! I could adore thee as a deity! [Embracing JACINTA. San. True flesh and blood, every inch of her, for all that. Don Car. [Reads again.] And if you prevail with him to lay his commands upon me, you shall be as happy as my obedience to 'em can make you. -O happy, happy Carlos !-But what shall I say to thee for this welcome message? Alas! I want words. But let this speak for me, and this, and this, and[Giving her his ring, watch, and purse. San. Hold, sir; pray leave a little something for our board-wages. [To JACINTA.] You can't carry 'em all, I believe: shall I ease thee of this? [Offering to take the purse. Jac. No; but you may carry-that, sirrah. [Giving him a box on the ear. San. The jade's grown purse-proud already. Don Car. Well, dear Jacinta, say something to your charming mistress, that I am not able to say myself: but above all, excuse my late unpardonable folly, and offer her my life to expiate my crime. Jac. The best plea for pardon will be never to repeat the fault. THE MISTAKE. Don Car. If that will do, 'tis sealed for ever. Jac. Enough. But I must begone; success attend you with the old gentleman. Good-bye t'ye, sir. Don Car. Eternal blessings follow thee! San. I think she has taken 'em all with her; [Exit JACINTA. the jade has got her apron full. Don Car. Is not that Lorenzo coming this way? San. Yes, 'tis he; for my part now I pity the poor gentleman. Enter DON LORENZO. Don Car. I'll let him see at last I can be cheerful too. Your servant, Don Lorenzo; how do you do this morning? Don Lor. I thank you, Don Carlos, perfectly well, both in body and in mind. Don Car. What! cured of your love then? I ask you how 'tis with yours? May Don Car. Increasing every hour; we are very constant both. Don Lor. I find so much delight in being so I hope I never shall be otherwise. Don Car. Those joys I am well acquainted with, but should lose 'em soon were I to meet a cool reception. Don Lor. That's every generous lover's case, no doubt; an angel could not fire my heart but with an equal flame. Don Car. And yet you said you still loved Leo nora. Don Lor. And yet I said I loved her. Don Car. I pity you. Don Lor. He must be a deity that does so. Don Car. Yet I'm a mortal, and once more can pity you. Alas! Lorenzo, 'Tis a poor cordial to an aching heart, To have the tongue alone announce it happy : Don Car. This seeming calmness might have the effect your vanity proposes by it, had I not a testimony of her love would (should I show it) sink you to the centre. Don Lor. Yet still I'm calm as ever. Don Car. Nay, then have at your peace. Read that, and end the farce. [Gives him LEONORA's letter. Don Lor. [After reading.] I have read it. Don Car. And know the hand? Don Lor. 'Tis Leonora's; I have often seen it. Don Car. hope you then at last are satisfied. Don Lor. [Smiling.] I am. Good morrow, Carlos! San. I and my master. San. You can indeed, sir. [Laying hold on him. Don Car. Whither in such haste, honest Lopez? What! upon some love-errand? Lop. Sir, your servant; I ask your pardon, but I was going Don Car. I guess where; but you need not be shy of me any more, thy master and I are no longer rivals; I have yielded up the cause; the lady will have it so, so I submit. Lop. Is it possible, sir? Shall I then live to see my master and you friends again? San. Yes; and what's better, thou and I shall be friends too. There will be no more fear of Christian bloodshed, I give thee up, Jacinta; she's a slippery housewife, so master and I are going to match ourselves elsewhere. Lop. But is it possible, sir, your honour should be in earnest? I'm afraid you are pleased to be merry with your poor humble servant. Don Car. I'm not at present much disposed to mirth, my indifference in this matter is not so thoroughly formed; but my reason has so far mastered my passion, to show me 'tis in vain to pursue a woman whose heart already is another's. 'Tis what I have so plainly seen of late, I have roused my resolution to my aid, and broke my chains for ever. Lop. Well, sir, to be plain with you, this is the joyfullest news I have heard this long time; for I always knew you to be a mighty honest gentleman, and good faith it often went to the heart o' me to see you so abused. Dear, dear, have I often said to myself (when they have had a private meeting just after you have been gone) Don Car. Ha! San. Hold, master, don't kill him yet. [Aside to DoN CARLOS. Lop. I say I have said to myself, what wicked things are women, and what pity it is they should be suffered in a Christian country! what a shame they should be allowed to play will-in-the-wisp with briars, and rocks, and rugged ways, till their men of honour, and lead them through thorns and hearts are torn in pieces, like an old coat in a foxchase! I say, I have said to myself Don Car. Thou hast said enough to thyself, but say a little more to me. Where were these secret meetings thou talkest of? Lop. In sundry places, and by divers ways; sometimes in the cellar, sometimes in the garret, sometimes in the court, sometimes in the gutter; but the place where the kiss of kisses was given was Don Car. In hell! Lop. Sir! Don Car. Speak, fury, what dost thou mean by the kiss of kisses? the kiss of consummation. |