Enter WIDOW WARREN and MR SULKY. Widow. You are a very shocking person, Mr Sulky! -The wild man of the woods broke loose! Do return to your keeper, good Orang Outang; and don't go about to terrify children! Sulky. I tell you, madam, Mr Milford is arrested. Soph. My brother? Sulky. Locked Soph. O dear! up at a bailiff's in the next street. Widow. And, pray now, what is that to me? Widow. I am not arrested. Sulky. Would you were! Widow. Oh! the savage! Sulky. The pitiless only should feel pain: The stonyhearted alone should be enclosed by walls of stone. Soph. Don't be cross with ma', sir; I'm sure she'll release my brother. Widow. You are sure, minikin! Soph. Yes, ma'; for I am sure no soul on earth would suffer a fellow-creature to lie and pine to death, in a frightful dark dungeon, and fed with bread and water. Sulky. Your late husband recommended the payment of his son's debts. Widow. Recommended? Sulky. Yes. Widow. But leaving it to my own prudence. Sulky. More's the pity. Widow. Which prudence I shall follow. Sulky. It will be the first time in your life-You never yet followed prudence, you always ran before it. Soph. Nah, come, dear ma', I am sure you have a pitiful heart! I am sure you could not rest in your bed, if my poor brother was in prison! Widow. Hold your prattle, child! Soph. Ah, I am sure you'll make him happy, and pay his debts! Widow. Why, Jenny! Sulky. You won't? [Calling. Widow. Jenny! Enter JENNY. Soph. La, dear sir, have patience- you are [Exit. Soph. Nay, pray, sir, do stay! [Exit, following. Widow. I am glad the monster is gone. He is a very intolerable person!-Pray, Jenny, how did it happen, that Mr Dornton went away without seeing me? Enter SERVANT and MR SILKY. Serv. Mr Silky, madam. Widow. Leave us, Jenny. [Exit JENNY.] So, Mr Silky What is this very urgent business of yours? Silky. [Looking round.] Are we safe, madam? Will nobody interrupt us; nobody overhear us? Widow. No, no-But what is the meaning of all this caution? Silky. [After fastening the door, and carefully drawing the will from his pocket.] Do you know this handwriting, madam? Widow. Ah!-It is my poor old dear man's, I see. Silky. You have heard of a will he left in France? Widow. Pshaw !-Will, indeed!-He left no will! Silky. Yes, he did, madam. Widow. I won't believe it !-He loved me too well to rob me of a single guinea !-Poor simple soul! I was his darling! Silky. His darling, madam!--With your permission, I will just read a single clause in which his darling is mentioned.-Look, madam, it is the Alderman's E hand! [Reads.] But, as I have sometimes painfully suspected the excessive affection, which my said wife, Winifred Warren, professed for me during my decline, and that the solemn protestations she made never to marry again, should she survive me, were both done with sinister views, it is my will, that, should she marry, or give a legal promise of marriage, written or verbal, that she shall be cut off with an annuity of six hundred a-year: and the residue of my effects, in that case, to be equally divided between my natural son, John Milford, and my wife's daughter, Sophia Freelove. Widow. Six hundred a-year! An old dotard!Brute-Monster!-I hate him now, as heartily as when he was alive!-But pray, sir, how came you by this will? Silky. Why, it was odd enough! And yet easy enough!--My name is Silky, madam Widow. Well? Silky. And you know the executor's name Sulky Widow. Well? is Silky. The gentleman that delivered it only made a mistake of a letter, and gave it to Mr Silky, instead of Mr Sulky! Widow. And where is that gentleman ? Silky. Ah, poor man!-He is dead! Widow. Dead? Silky, And gone! Widow. And does Mr Sulky know of this will being delivered? Silky. Not a syllable !—it's all close and smooth! Widow. So much the better.-Come, give it me, and Silky. Excuse me there, madam; I can't do that! Silky. My conscience won't let me! I must provide for my family! Widow. And pray, what provision is this will to make for your family, Mr Silky? Silky. Why, madam, I have a proposal-You know the power of your own charms! Widow. Which, I believe, is more than you do, Mr Silky. 'Silký, Hah! don't say so, madam! Don't say so! -Would I were a handsome, rich, and well-born youth!. -But you know Mr Goldfinch ?-Ah, ha, ha, ha! I could tell you a secret Widow. What, that he is dying for me, I suppose? Silky. Ah!-So smitten!-Talks of nothing else. Widow. And is that any secret, think you? Silky. The Alderman, I find, died worth more than a plumb and a half Widow. Well? Silky. I have talked the matter over with my friend Mr Goldfinch; and he thinks it but reasonable, that, for a secret of so much importance, which would almost sweep the whole away, I should receive one third. Widow. Fifty thousand pounds, Mr Silky? Widow. Why you are a greater rogue than even I thought you! Silky. Lord, madam, it's no roguery! It's only a knowledge of the world! A young husband, with a hundred thousand pounds, or poor six-hundred ayear, without any husband! Widow. You are a very shocking old miser, Mr Silky! A very repulsive sort of a person! What heart you had is turned to stone! You are insensible of the power of a pair of fine eyes!-But I have made a conquest that places me beyond your reach-I mean to marry Mr Dornton. Silky. [Surprised.] What! old Mr Dornton, madam? Widow. Old Mr Dornton, man!--I never saw the figure in my life! No! the gay and gallant young Mr Dornton! The pride of the city, and the lawful monarch of my bleeding heart! Silky. Ha, ha, ha! Young Mr Dornton! Widow. So you may take your will, and light your fires with it! You will not make a penny of it in any other way. Mr Sulky, the executor, is Mr Dornton's partner, and when I marry Mr Dornton, he will never inflict the absurd penalty. Silky. Ha, ha, ha! No, madam, when you marry Mr Dornton, that he certainly never will! But if any accident should happen to prevent the match, you will then let me hear from you? Widow. Lord, good man! don't mention the horrid idea!--Do leave me to my delightful meditations I would indulge in soft sensibility and dreams of bliss; and not be disturbed by dead men's wills, or the sordid extortions of an avaricious old rogue! Silky. Very well, madam! The secret for the present remains between ourselves. You'll be silent for your own sake. Only remember, ha, ha, ha! if you should want me, I live at number 40. My name is on the door.. Ha, ha, ha! Mr Dornton !-Good morning, madam.-Mr Dornton! ha, ha, ha!You'll send if you should want me! [Exit laughing. Widow. Jenny! [Calling. Jenny. Ma'am! Enter JENNY. Widow. As I was saying, Jenny-pray how did it happen, that Mr Dornton went away without seeing me? Jenny. Indeed, ma'am, I don't know. Widow. Cruel youth! Jenny. I'm sure, ma'am, I wonder how you can like him better than Mr Goldfinch! Widow. Mr Goldfinch is very well, Jenny-But Mr Dornton !-Oh, incomparable! |