Native Air. Thus I voluntarily banished myself for fome Years. I leave you to imagine whether my Abfence was not regretted by the better Sort. At length I recovered my Health, when I received News that my greatest Adversary had taken the Habit of a Monk; you may think it was an Act of Penitence for having perfecuted me; quite contrary, 'twas Ambition; he refolved to raise himself to fome Church Dignity, therefore fell into the beaten Track, and took on him the Garb of feigned Aufterity; for this is the eafieft and shortest Way to the higheft Ecclefiaftical Dignities. His Wifhes were fuccefsful, and he obtained a Bishoprick: Yet did he not quit Paris, and the Care of the Schools: He went to his Diocese to gather in his Revenues, but returned and paffed the Reft of his Time in reading Lectures to thofe few Pupils which followed him. After this I often engaged with him, and may reply to you as Ajax did to the Greeks ; If you demand the Fortune of that Day When ftaked on this right Hand your Honours lay, If I did not oblige the Foe to yield, Yet did I never basely quit the Field. About this Time my Father Beranger, who to the Age of Sixty had lived very agreeably, retired from the World, and fhut himself up in a Cloifter, where he offered up to Heaven the languid Remains of a Life he could make no farther use of. My Mother, who was yet young, took the fame Refolution. She turned a Religious, but did not entirely abandon the Satisfactions of Life. Her Friends were continually at the Grate. And the Monaftery, when one has an Inclination to make it fo, is exceeding. charming and pleasant. I was present when my Mother was profeffed. At my Return I refolved to ftudy Divinity, and inquired for a Director in that Study. I was recommended to one Anfelm, the very Oracle of his Time; but to give you my own Opinion, one more venerable for his Age and Wrinkles, than for his Genius or Learning. If you confulted him upon any Difficulty, the fure Confequence was to be much more uncertain in the Point. They who only faw him admired him, but those who reafoned with him were extremely diffatisfied. He was a great Mafter of Words, and talked much, but, meant nothing. His Difcourfe was a Fire, which instead of enlightning obfcured every Thing with its Smoke; a Tree beautified with Variety of Leaves and Branches, but barren. I came to him with a Defire to Learn, but found him like the Fig-tree in the Gofpel, or the old Oak to which Lucan compares Pompey. I continued not long underneath his Shadow. I took for my Guides the Primitive Fathers, and boldly launched into the Ocean of the Holy Scriptures. In a fhort Time I made fuch a Progrefs, that others chofe me for their Director. The Number of my Scholars were incredible, and the Gratuities I received from them were answerable to to the great Reputation I had acquired. Now I found myself fafe in the Harbour, the Storms were paffed, and the Rage of my Enemies had spent itself without Effect. Happy, had I known to make a right Ufe of this Calm! But when the Mind is most eafy, 'tis moft expofed to Love, and even Security here is the most dangerous State. And now, my Friend, I am going to expose to you all my Weakneffes. All Men, I believe, are under a Neceffity of paying Tribute, at some Time or other, to Love, and it is vain to ftrive to avoid it. I was a Philofopher, yet this Tyrant of the Mind triumphed over all my Wisdom ; his Darts were of greater Force than all my Reasonings, and with a fweet Constraint he led me whither he pleased. Heaven, amidst an Abundance of Bleffings with which I was intoxicated, threw in a heavy Affliction. I became a moft fignal Example of its Vengeance; and the more unhappy, because having deprived me of the Means of accomplishing my Satisfaction, it left me to the Fury of my Criminal Defires. I will tell you, my dear Friend, the Particulars of my Story, and leave you to judge whether I deserved fo fevere a Correction. I had always an Averfion for those light Women, whom 'tis a Reproach to purfue; I was ambitious in my Choice, and wished to find fome Obftacles, that I might furmount them with the greater Glory and Pleasure. There was in Paris a young Creature (ah Philin tus!) formed in a Prodigality of Nature, to fhew Mankind a finished Compofition; dear Heloife! the reputed Niece of one Fulbert, a Canon. Her Wit and her Beauty would have fired the dullest and most infenfible Heart; and her Education was equally admirable. Heloife was a Miftrefs of the moft Polite Arts. You may eafily imagine, that this did not a little help to captivate me : I faw her, I loved her: I refolved to endeavour to engage her Affections. The Thirst of Glory cooled immediately in my Heart, and all my Paffions were loft in this new one. I thought of nothing but Heloife; every Thing brought her Image to my Mind. I was penfive, reftlefs, and my Paffion was fo violent as to admit of no Restraint. I was always vain and prefumptive; I flattered myself already with the moft bewitching Hopes. My Reputation had spread itself every where; and could a virtuous Lady refift a Man that had confounded all the Learned of the Age? I was could fhe fhew an Inyoung fenfibility to those Vows which my Heart never formed for any but herfelf? My Perfon was advantageous enough, and by my Drefs no one would have fufpected me for a Doctor; and Drefs, you know, is not a little engaging with Women. Befides, I had Wit enough to write a Billet-doux, and 'hoped, if ever the permitted my absent self to entertain her, fhe would read with Pleasure those Breathings of my Heart. Filled Filled with thefe Notions I thought of nothing but the Means to speak to her. Lovers either find or make all Things eafy. By the Offices of common Friends, I gained the Acquaintance of Fulbert. And can you believe it, Philintus, he allowed me the Privilege of his Table, and an Apartment in his House I paid him indeed a confiderable Sum, for Perfons of his Character do nothing without Money. But what would I not have given? You, my dear Friend, know what Love is; imagine then what a Pleasure it must have been to a Heart fo inflamed as mine, to be always fo near the dear object of Defire! I would not have exchanged my happy Condition for that of the greatest Monarch upon Earth. I faw Heloife, I spoke to her,-each Action, each confused Look, told her the Trouble of my Soul. And fhe, on the other Side, gave me Ground to hope for every Thing from her Generofity. Fulbert defired me to inftruct her in Philofophy; by this Means I found Opportunities of being in private with her, and yet I was fure of all Men the most timorous in declaring my Paffion. As I was with her one Day alone, Charming Heloife, faid I blushing, if you know yourself, you will not be furprized with that Paffion you have infpired me with. Uncommon as it is, I can exprefs it but with the common Terms-I love you, adorable Heloife! 'Till now I thought Philofophy made us Masters of all our Paffions, and that it was a Refuge from the Storms in which weak Mortals are toffed |