But you fay you are fure of the Affections of Heloife; I believe it; fhe has given you no ordinary Proofs. But can you be fure Marriage will not be the Tomb of her Love? The Name of Husband' and Mafter are always harfh, and Heloife will not be the Phonix you now think her. Will he not be a Woman? Come, come, the Head of a Philofopher is lefs fecure than thofe of other Men. My Sifter grew warm in the Argument, and was going on to give me a hundred more Reasons of this Kind ; but I angrily interrupted her, telling her only, that fhe did not know Heloife. A few Days after we departed together from Britany, and came to Paris, where I compleated my Project. 'Twas my Intent my Marriage should be kept fecret, and therefore Heloife retired among the. Nuns of Argenteuil. I now thought Fulbert's Anger difarmed; I lived in Peace; but alas! our Marriage proved but a weak Defence against his Revenge. Obferve, Philintus, to what a Barbarity he pursued it! He bribed my Servants; an Affaffin came into my Bedchamber by Night with a Razor in his Hand, and found me in a deep Sleep. I fuffered'the mofffhameful Punishment that the Revenge of an Enemy could invent; in short, without lofing my Life, I lost my Manhood. I was punished indeed in the offending Part; the Defire. was left me, but not the Poffibility of fatisfying the Paffion. So cruel an Action escaped not unpunished; the Villain suffered the fame Infliction; poor Com Comfort for fo irretrievable a Evil! I confess to you, Shame more than any fincere Penitence made me refolve to hide myself from the Sight of Men, yet could I not separate myself from my Heloife. Jealoufy took Poffeffion of my Mind; and at the very Expence of her Happiness I decreed to disappoint all Rivals: Before I put myself in a Cloyster, I obliged her to take the Habit, and retire into the Nunnery of Argenteuil. I remember fomebody would have oppofed her making fuch a cruel Sacrifice of herself, but fhe anfwered in the Words of Cornelia after the Death of Pompey the Great. O Conjux, ego te fcelerata peremi. Vita digna fui? Moriar &c. O my lov'd Lord! our fatal Marriage dravs Then whilst thou goft the Extremes of Fate to prove, my Love: Speaking these Verfes, the marched up to the Altar, and took the Veil with a Conftancy which I could not have expected in a Woman who had fo high a Tafte of Pleafures which she might still enjoy. I blushed at my own Weakness, and without deliberating a Moment longer, I buried myself in a Cloyster, refolved to vanquish a fruitlefs Paffion. I now reflected that God had chastifed me thus grievously F 2 oufly, that he might fave me from that Deftruction in which I had like to have been swallowed up. In order to avoid Idlenefs, the unhappy Incendiary of those criminal Flames which had ruined me in the World, I endeavoured in my retirement to put thofe Talents to a good Ufe which I had before fo much abused. I gave the Novices Rules of Divinity agreeable to the Holy Fathers and Councils. In the mean while the Enemies which my new Fame had raised up, and especially Alberic and Lotulf, who, after the Death of their Mafters Champeaux and Anfelm, affumed the Sovereignty of Learning, began to attack me. They loaded me with the falfeft Imputations, and notwithstanding all my Defence, I had the Mortification to fee my Books condemned by a Council, and burnt. This was a cutting Sorrow, and believe me, Philintus, the former Calamity I fuffered by the Cruelty of Fulbert, was nothing in Comparison to this. The Affront I had newly received, and the fcandalous Debaucheries of the Monks, obliged me to banish myself, and retire near to Nogent. I lived in a Defart, where I flattered myself I should avoid Fame, and be secure from the Malice of my Enemies. I was again deceived. The Defire of being taught by me, drew Crouds of Auditors even thither. Many left the Towns and their Houfes, and came and lived in Tents; for Herbs, coarfe Fare, and hard Lodging, they abandoned the Delicacies of a plentiful Table and eafy Life. I looked like the Prophet int in the Wildernefs attended by his Difciples. My Lectures were perfectly clear from all that had been condemned. And happy had it been if our Solitude had been inacceffible to Envy! With the confiderable Gratuities I received, I built a Chapel, and dedicated it to the Holy Ghoft, by the Name of the Paraclete. The Rage of my Enemies now awakened again, and forced me to quit this Retreat. This I did without much Difficulty. But firft the Bishop of Troies gave me leave to establish there a Nunnery, which I did, and committed the Care of it to my dear Heloife. When I had fettled her here, can you believe it, Philintus, I left her, without taking any Leave. I did not wander long without any fettled Habitation; for the Duke of Britany, informed of my Misfortunes, named me to the Abbey of St. Guildas, where I now am, and where I fuffer every Day fresh Perfecutions. I live in a barbarous Country, the Language of which I don't understand; I have no Conversation but with the rudeft People. My Walks are on the inacceffible Shore of a Sea, which is perpetually Stormy. My Monks are only known by their Diffoluteness, and living without any Rule or Order. Could you fee the Abbey, Philintus, you would not call it one. The Doors and Walls are without any Ornament, except the Heads of Wild Boars and Hind's Feet, which are nailed up against them, and the Hides of frightful Animals. The Cells are hung with the Skins of Deer. The Monks have not fo much as a Bell to wake them, the Cocks and Dogs fupply that Defect. In short, they pass their whole Days in Hunting; would to Heaven that were their. greatest Fault! or that their Pleasures terminated there! I endeavour in vain to recal them to their Duty; they all combine against me, and I only expofe myself to continual Vexations and Dangers. I imagine I fee every Moment a naked Sword hang over my Head. Sometimes they furround me, and load me with infinite Abuses; fometimes they a bandon me, and I am left alone to my own tormenting Thoughts. I make it my Endeavour to merit by my Sufferings, and to appease an angry God. Some-. times I grieve for the Lofs of the Houfe of the Paraclete, and wish to see it again. Ah Philintus, does not the Love of Heloise still burn in my Heart? I have not yet triumphed over that unhappy Paffion. In the midst of my Retirement I figh, I weep, I pine, I speak the dear Name Heloife, and am pleased to hear the Sound. I complain of the Severity of Heaven. But oh! let us not deceive ourselves: I have not made a right Ufe of Grace. I am thoroughly wretched. I have not yet torn from my Heart the deep Roots which Vice has planted in it. For if my Converfion were fincere, how could I take a Pleasure to relate my paft Follies? Could I not more eafily comfort myfelfin my Afflictions, could I not turn to my Advantage thofe Words of God himself, If they have perfecuted me they will also perfecute you; if the World hate you, ye know that it hated me allo? Come Philintus, let us make a strong Ef fort, |