And the patientest patient that ever you knew sick,
Both when I am purge-sick and when I am spue-sick.
I pitied my cat, whom I knew by her mew sick;
She mended at first, but now she's a-new sick.
Captain Butler made some in the church black and
blue sick;

Dean Cross, had he preach'd, would have made us all pew-sick.

Are not you, in a crowd, when you sweat and stew, sick?

Lady Santry got out of the church when she grew sick, And as fast as she could to the deanery flew sick. II Miss Morice was (I can assure you 'tis true) sick; For who would not be in that numerous crew sick? Such musick would make a fanatic or Jew sick, Yet ladies are seldom at ombre or loo sick : 15 Nor is old Nanny Shales, whene'er she does brew sick,

My footman came home from the church of a bruise sick,

And look'd like a rake whowas made in the stews sick. But you learned doctors can make whom you chuse

sick;

Poor I myself! I was, when I withdrew, sick, 20 For the smell of them made me like garlic and rue

sick;

And I got thro' the crowd, tho' not led by a clue, sick.

You hop'd to find many (for that was your cue) sick; But there were not a dozen (to give 'em their due) sick,

And those,to be sure, stuck together like glue,sick.25 So are ladies in crowds, when they squeeze and they screw, sick;

You may find they are all, by their yellow pail hue, sick;

So am I, when tobacco, like Robin, I chew, sick.

TO DR. SHERIDAN.

Nov. 23. at Night.

IF I write any more it will make my poor Muse sick. This night I came home with a very cold dew sick, And I wish I may soon be not of an ague sick; But I hope I shall ne'er be, like you, of a shrew sick, Who often has made me, by looking askew sick. 5

A LETTER TO DR. HELSHAM.

SIR,

Pray discruciate what follows.

I.

THE dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor,
When young, is often due to the vicar.

II.

The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight,
Make up a bird very swift of flight.
III.

The dullest beast when high in stature,
And another of royal nature,

For breeding is a useful creature.

}

IV.

The dullest beast, and a party distrest,
When too long, is bad at best.

The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears,
Is good for partridge, not for hares.

VI.

The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat,
Will make a horse go, tho' he be not fat.

VII.

The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air,
Is that by which all Irishmen swear.

VIII.

The dullest beast, and fam'd college for Teagues, Is a person very unfit for intrigues.

IX.

The dullest beast, and a cobler's tool,
With a boy that is only fit for school,
In summer is very pleasant and cool.

X.

The dullest beast, and that which you kiss,
May break a limb of master or miss.

XI.

Of serpant-kind, and what at distance kills,
Poor Mistress Dingley oft' hath felt its bills.
XII.

The dullest beast, and eggs unsound,

20

Without it I rather would walk on the ground.
XIII.

The dullest beast, and what covers a house,

Without it a writer is not worth a louse.

}

25

XIV.

The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin,

Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming. 30

XV.

The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust,
There's no body but a fool that would trust.
XVI.

The dullest beast, mending highways,
Is to an horse an evil disease.

XVII.

The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground,
Will dress a dinner worth five pound.

XVIII.

The dullest beast, and what, doctors pretend,
The cook-maid often has by the end.

XIX.

The dullest beast, and fish for Lent,

May give you a blow you'll for ever repent.

XX.

The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer,
Without it a lady should never appear.

35

40

42

Wednesday night.

I writ all these before I went to bed. Pray explain them for me, because I cannot do it.

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1731*.

5

OLD Latimer preaching, did fairly describe
A bishop who rul'd all the rest of his tribe;
And who is this bishop? and where does he dwell?
Why, truly 'tis Satan, Archbishop of Hell;
And he was a primate, and he wore a mitre
Surrounded with jewels of sulphur and nitre.
How nearly this bishop our Bps resembles !
But he has the odds, who believes and who trembles.
Could you see his grim Grace, for a pound to a penny
You'd swear it must be the baboon of Ky. 10
Poor Satan will think the comparison odious;
I wish I could find him out one more commodious:
But this I am sure, the Most Rev'rend Old Dragon
Has got on the bench many Bps suffragan,
And all men believe he presides there incog.
To give them, by turns, an invissible jog.

15

Our B-ps, puft up with wealth and with pride, To hell on the backs of the clergy would ride. They mounted and labour'd with whip and with spur, In vain for the devil a person would stir : 20

* This poem was first printed in Fog's Journal of the 17th of September 1733: the subject of it is now over, but our Author's known zeal against that project made it to be generally supposed his. It was occasioned by the Bishops of Ireland endeavouring to get an act to divide the churchlivings, which bill was rejected by the Irish House of Com

mons.