So the Commons unhors'd them, and this was their

doom,

On their crosiers to ride, like a witch on a broom. Tho' they gallopp'd so fast, on the road you may find 'em,

And have left us but three out of twenty behind 'em. Lord Bolton's good Grace, Lord Car, and Lord Howard,

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In spite of the devil would still be untoward :
They came of good kindred, and could not endure
Their former companions should beg at their door.

When Christ was betray'd to Pilate the Prætor, Of a dozen apostles but one prov'd a traitor; 30 One traitor alone, and faithful eleven,

But we can afford you six traitors in seven.

What a clutter with clippings, dividings, and cleavings!

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And the clergy, forsooth, must take up with their
If making divisions was all their intent, [leavings.
They've done it, we thank 'em, but not as they meant;
And so may such B—ps for ever divide,
That no honest Heathen would be on their side.
How should we rejoice, if, like Judas the first,
Those splitters of parsons in sunder should burst? 40
Now hear an allusion.A mitre, you know,
Is divided above, but united below.

If this you consider our emblem is right;
The B- -ps divide, but the clergy unite.

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Should the bottom be split, our B-ps would dread That the mitre would never stick fast on their head;

And yet they have learn'd the chief art of a sov'reign,
As Machiavel taught 'em, Divide, and ye govern.
But courage my L-ds; tho' it cannot be said
That one cloven tongue ever sat on your head, 50
I'll hold you a groat, and I wish I could see't,
If your stockings were off you could shew cloven feet.

"But hold,"cry the B-ps," and give us fair play; "Before you condemn us, hear what we can say.

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"What truer affection could ever be shown "Than saving your souls by damning our own? "And have we not practis'd all methods to gain you? "With the tithe of the tithe of the tithe to maintain "Provided a fund for building you 'spitals: [you, "You are only to live four years without victuals."60 Content, my good L-ds! but let us change hands; First take you our tithes, and give us your lands. So God bless the church, and three of our mitres ; And God bless the Commons for biting the bitters. 64

THE BEASTS' CONFESSION

TO THE PRIEST,

Onobserving how most men mistake their own talents. Written in the year 1732.

THE PREFACE.

I HAVE been long of opinion that there is not a more general and greater mistake, or of worse consequences through the commerce of mankind, than the wrong judgments they are apt to entertain of their own talents. I knew a fluttering alderman in London, a great frequenter of coffeehouses, who, when a fresh newspaper was brought in, constantly seized it first, and read it aloud to his brother-citizens, but in a manner as little intelligible to the standers-by as to himself. How many pretenders to learning expose themselves by chusing to discourse on those very parts of science wherewith they are least acquainted! It is the same case in every other qualification. By the multitude of those who deal in rhymes, from half a sheet to twenty, which come out every minute, there must be at least five hundred poets in the city and suburbs of London; half as many coffeehouse orators, exclusive of the clergy; forty thousand politicians; and four thousand five hundred profound scholars; not to mention the wits, the railers, the smart fellows and critics; all as illiterate and impudent as a Volume. III.

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suburb-whore. What are we to think of the fine dressed sparks, proud of their own personal deformities, which appear the more hideous by the contrast of wearing scarlet and gold, with what they call toupees on their heads, and all the frippery of a modern beau, to make a figure before women, some of them with hump-backs, others hardly five feet high, and every feature of their faces distorted! I have seen many of these insipid pretenders entering into conversation with persons of learning, constantly making the grossest blunders in every sentence, without conveying one single idea fit for a rational creature to spend a thought on; perpetually confounding all chronology and geography even of present times. I compute that London hath eleven native fools of the beau and puppy-kind for one among us in Dublin, besides two-thirds of ours transplanted thither, who are now naturalized; whereby that overgrown capital exceeds ours in the article of dunces by forty to one; and, what is more to our further mortification, there is not onedistinguished fool of Irish birth or education who makes any noise in that famous metropolis, unless the London prints be very partial or defective; whereas London is seldom without a dozen of their own educating who engross the vogue for half a winter together, and are never heard of more, but give place to a new set. This hath been the constant progress for at least thirty years past, only allowing for the change of breed and fashion.

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THE following Poem is grounded upon the universal folly of mankind in mistaking their talents; by which the Author doth a great honour to his own species, almost equalling them with certain brutes; wherein, indeed, he is too partial, as he freely confesseth; and yet he hath gone as low as he well could, by specifying four animals, the Wolf, the Ass, the Swine, and the Ape, all equally mischievous, except the last, who outdoes them in the article of cunning; so great is the pride of Man!

WHEN Beasts could speak, (the learned say
They still can do so ev'ry day)
It seems they had religion then,
As much as now we find in men.
It happen'd when a plague broke out,
(Which therefore made them more devout)
The king of brutes (to make it plain,
Of quadrupeds I only mean)
By proclamation gave command
That ev'ry subject in the land

Should to the Priest confess their sins;
And thus the pious Wolf begins.

"Good father! I must own with shame
"That often I have been to blame:
"I must confess on Friday last,
"Wretch that I was! I broke my fast;
"But I defy the basest tongue
"To prove I did my neighbour wrong,
"Or ever went to seek my food

By rapine, theft, or thirst of blood. "

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