CHAP. III. HIS EXERCISES AND LABOURS, FROM THE TIME HAD the multiplied labours of this excellent man permitted his keeping a regular diary, we may see by the foregoing specimen of a single month, what a rich store of truly Christian experience would have pervaded these Memoirs. We should then have been better able to trace the gradual openings of his holy mind, and the springs of that extraordinary unction of spirit, and energy of action, by which his life was distinguished. As it is, we can only collect a few gleanings, partly from memory, and partly from letters communicated by his friends. This chapter will include a period of about four years, during which he went twice to London to collect for the Baptist Mission, and once he visited Dublin, at the invitation of the Evangelical Society in that city. There appears throughout the general tenor of his life, a singular submissiveness to the will of God; and what is worthy of notice, this disposition was generally most conspicuous when his own will was most counteracted. The justness of this remark is sufficiently apparent from his letter to Mrs. Pearce, of Nov. 13, 1794,* after the decision of the Committee; and the same spirit was carried into the common concerns of life. Thus, about a month afterwards, when his dear Louisa was ill of a fever, he thus writes from Northampton to Mrs. Pearce : * See page 40. "My dear Sarah, December 13, 1794 "I AM just brought on the wings of celestial mercy safe to my Sabbath's station. I am well; and my dear friends here seem healthy and happy but I feel for you. I long to know how our dear Louisa's pulse beats: I fear still feverish. We must not, however, suffer ourselves to be infected with a mental fever on this account. Is she ill? It is right. Is she very ill. . . . dying? It is still right. Is she gone to join the heavenly choristers? It is all right, notwithstanding our repinings- Repinings! no; we will not repine. It is best she should go. It is best for her. This we must allow. It is best for us. Do we expect it? O what poor, ungrateful, short-sighted worms are we Let us submit, my Sarah, till we come to heaven: if we do not then see that it is best, let us then complain. But why do I attempt to console? Perhaps an indulgent Providence has ere now dissipated your fears: or if that same kind Providence has removed our babe, you have consolation enough in Him who suffered more than we; and more than enough to quiet all our passions, in that astonishing consideration,-God so loved the world, that he spared not his own Son.' Did GoD cheerfully give the holy child JESUS for us and shall we refuse our child to Him! He gave his son to suffer: He takes our children to enjoy: Yes; to enjoy Himself. Yours, with the tenderest regard, 000000000 In June, 1795, he attended the Association at Kettering, partly on account of some missionary me. sorrows. Oppressed, and covered with blood, he cried, If it be possible, let this cup pass from Yet in the depth of his agonies he added, Thy will be done. This thought was to me what the sight of the cross was to Bunyan's pilgrim ; I lost my burden. Spent the remainder of the meeting in sweet communion with God. "But on coming home, the sight of Mrs. P. replaced my load. She had for some time been much discouraged at the thoughts of going. I therefore felt reluctant to say any thing on this subject, thinking it would be unpleasant to her: but though I strove to conceal it, an involuntary sigh betrayed my uneasiness. She kindly enquired the cause. I avoided at first an explanation, till she, guessing the reason, said to this effect- I hope you will be no more uneasy on my account. For the last two or three days, I have been more comfortable than ever in the thought of going. I have considered the steps you are pursuing to know the mind of God, and I think you cannot take more proper ones. When you consult the ministers, you should represent your obstacles as strongly as your inducements; and then, if they advise your going, though the parting from my friends will be almost insupportable, yet I will make myself as happy as I can, and God can make me happy any where. "Should this little Diary fall into the hands of a man having the soul of a Missionary, circumstanced as I am, he will be the only man capable of sharing my peace, my joy, my gratitude, my rapture of soul. Thus at evening tide it is light; thus God brings his people through fire and through water into a wealthy place; thus those who ask do receive and their joy is full. O love the Lord, ye his saints; there is no want to them that fear him! "Oct. 26. Had much enlargement this morning, whilst speaking on the nature, extent and influence of divine love: what designs it formedwith what energy it acted-with what perseverance it pursued its object-what obstacles it surmounted-what difficulties it conquered-and what sweetness it imparted under the heaviest loads, and severest trials. Almost through the day I enjoyed a very desirable frame, and on coming home, my wife and I had some conversation on the subject of my going. She said, Though in general the thought was painful; yet there were some seasons when she had no preference, but felt herself disposed to go or stay, as the Lord should direct. "This day wrote to brother Fuller, briefly stating my desires, requesting his advice, and proposing a meeting of the Committee on the business. I feel great satisfaction arising from my leaving the matter to the determination of my honoured brethren, and to God through them. "Oct. 27. To day I sent a packet to our brethren in India. I could not forbear telling brother Carey all my feelings, views, and expectations but without saying I should be entirely governed by the opinion of the Society. Oct. 28. Still panting to preach Jesus among my fellow sinners to whom he is yet unknown. Wrote to Dr. Rogers, of Philadelphia, to-day upon the subject with freedom and warmth, and enquired whether, whilst the people of the United States were forming societies to encourage arts, liberty, and emigration, there could not a few be found among them who would form a society for the transmission of the word of ute to the benighted heathens; or in case that could not be, whether they might not strengthen our hands in Europe, by some benevolent proof of concurring with us in a design, which they speak of F with such approbation? With this I sent Horne's Letters. I will follow both with my prayers, and who can tell? 29. "Oct. Looked over the Code of Hindoo Laws to-day. How much is there to admire in it, founded on the principles of justice. The most salutary regulations are adopted in many circumstances. But what a pity that so much excellence should be abased by laws to establish or countenance idolatry, magic, prostitution, prayers for the dead, false-witnessing, theft, and suicide. How perfect is the morality of the gospel of Jesus; and how desirable that they should embrace it. Ought not means to be used? Can we assist them too soon? There is reason to think that their Shasters were penned about the beginning of the Kollee Jogue, which must be soon after the deluge and are not 4000 years long enough for 100 millions of men to be under the empire of the devil? Oct. 31. I am encouraged to enter upon this day (which I set apart for supplicating God) by a recollection of his promises to those who seek him. If the sacred word be true, the servants of God can never seek his face in vain; and as I am conscious of my sincerity and earnest desire only to know his pleasure that I may perform it, I find a degree of confidence that I shall realize the fulfilment of the word on which he causeth me to hope. Began the day with solemn prayer for the assistance of the Holy Spirit in my present exercise that so I might enjoy the spirit and power of prayer, and have my personal religion improved, as well as my public steps directed. In this duty I found a little quickening. "I then read over the narrative of my experience, and my journal. I find my views are still the same; but my heart is much more established than when I began to write. |