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And, damning the dun fend a thousand times, And those whom all mankind admire for wit, By whom I was possess'd, forswear all rhymes; Wish, for their own sakes, they bad never writ. But, having curs'd the Muses, they appear, Thou, then, that seest how ill I spend my time, To be reveng'd for 't, ere I am aware.

Teach me, for pity, how to make a rhyme; Spite of myself, I straight take fire again,

And, if th’ instructions chance to prove in vain, Fall to my task with paper, ink, and pen,

Teach how ne'er to write again.
And, breaking all the oaths I made, in vain
From verse to verse expect their aid again.
But, if my Muse or I were so discreet
T endure, for rhyme's sake, one dull epithet,

SATIRE
I might, like others, easily command
Words without study, ready and at hand.

RIDICULOUS IMITATION OF THE In praising Chloris, moons, and stars, and skies,

FRENCH.
Are quickly made to match her face and eyes-
And gold and rubies, with as little care,

Who would not rather get him gone
To fit the colour of her lips and hair;

Beyond th' intollerablest zone,
And, mixing suns, and Aowers, and pearl, and stones, Or steer his passage through those seas
Make them serve all complexions at once. That burn in flames, or those that freeze,
With these fine fancies, at hap-hazard writ, Than see one nation go to school,
I could make verses withont art or wit,

And learn of another, like a fool ?
And, shifting forty times the verb and noun, To study all its tricks and fashions
With stol'n impertinence patch up mine own; With epidemic affectations,
But in the choice of words my scrupulous wit And dare to wear no mode or dress,
Is fearful to pass one that is unfit;

But what they in their wisdom please;
Nor can endure to fill up a void place,

As monkies are, by being taught Sat a line's end, with one insipid phrase ;

To put on gloves and stockings, caught;
And, therefore, when I scribble twenty times, Submit to all that they devise,
When I have written four, I blot two rhymes. As if it wore their liveries;
May he be damn'd who first found out that curse, Make ready and dress th' imagination,
T' imprison and confine his thoughts in verse, Not with the clothes, but with the fashion;
To haug so dur a clog upon his wity

And change it, to fulfil the curse
And make his reason to his rhyme submit! Of Adam's fall, for new, though worse;
Avithout this plague, I freely might have spent To make their breeches fall and rise,
My happy days with leisure and content;

From middle legs to middle thighs,
Had nothing in the world to do or thinko

The tropics, between which the hose Like a fat priest, but whore, and cat, and drink; Move always as the fashion goes: Had past my time as pleasantly away,

Sometimes wear hats like pyramids, Slept all the night, and loiter'd all the day. And sometimes flat, like pipkins' lids; My soul, that 's free from care, and fear, and hope. With broad brims, sometimes, like umbrellas,

Knows how to make her own ambition stoop; And sometimes narrow, as Punchinello's: Tavoid uneasy greatness and resort,

In coldest weather go unbrac'd, Or for preferment following the court.

And close in hot, as if th' were lac'd;
How happy had I been if, for a curse,

Sometimes with sleeves and bodies wide,
The Fates had never sentenc'd me to verse ! And sometimes straiter than a hide:
But, ever since this peremptory vein,

Wear peruques, and with false grey hairs With restless frenzy, first possess'd my brain, l-isguise the true ones, and their years, And that the Devil tempted me, in spite

That when they 're modish, with the young to write,

The old may seem so in the throng :
my age

And, as some pupils have been known
In mending this, and blotting out that page, In time to put their tutors down,
And grow so weary of the slavish trade,

So ours are often found to ’ave got
I envy their condition that write bad..

More tricks than ever they were taught : O happy Scudery! whose easy quill

With sly intrigues and artifices Can, once a month, a mighty volume fill;

Usurp their poxes and their vices; For, though thy works are written in despite With garnitures upon their shoes, Of all good sense, impertinent and slight,

Make good their claim to gouty toes; They never have been known to stand in need By sudden starts, and shrugs, and groans, Of stationer to sell, or sot to read;

Pretend to aches in their bones, Por, so the rhyme be at the verse's end,

To scabs and botches, and lay trains No matter whither all the rest does tend.

To prove their running of the reins; Unbappy is that man who, spite of 's heart, And, lest they should seem destitute Is fore'd to be ty'd up to rules of art.

Of any mange that's in repute, A fop that scribbles does it with delight,

And be behind hand with the mode, Takes no pains to consider what to write,

Will swear to crystallin and node; But, fond of all the nonsense he brings forth, And, that they may not lose their right, Is ravish'd with his own great wit and worth; Make it appear how they came by 't: While brave and noble writers vainly strive Disdain the country where they were born, To such a height of glory to arrive;

As bastards their own mothers scorn, But, still with all they do unsatisfy'd,

And that which brought them forth contemn, Ne'er please themselves, though all the world beside: As it deserves, for bearing them;

Shut up against my wine, descend

Admire whate'er they find abroad,

For, though to smatter ends of Greek But nothing here, though e'er so good:

Or Latin be the rhetorique Be natives wheresoe'er they come,

Of pedants counted, and vain-glorious, And only foreigners at home;

To smatter French is meritorious; To which they appear so far estrang'd,

And to forget their mother-tongue, As if they 'ad been i' th' cradle chang'd,

Or purposely to speak it wrong, Or from beyond the seas convey'd

A hopeful sign of parts and wit, By witches-not born here, but laid;

And that they improve and benefit; Or by outlandish fathers were

As those that have been taught amiss, Begotten on their mothers here,

In liberal arts and sciences, And therefore justly slight that nation,

Must all they 'ad learnt before in vain
Where they 're so mongrel a relation;

Forget quite, and begin again.
And seek out other climates, where
They may degenerate less than here;
As woodcocks, when their plumes are grown,
Borne on the wind's wings and their own,
Forsake the countries where they 're batch'd,

SATIRE UPON DRUNKENNESS.
And seek out others to be catch'd :
So they more naturally may please

Tis pity Wine, which Nature meant And humour their own geniuses,

To man in kindness to present, Apply to all things which they see

And gave him kindly, to caress With their own fancies best agree;

And cherish his frail happiness; No matter how ridiculous,

Of equal virtue to renew 'Tis all one, if it be in use;

His wearied mind and body too; For nothing can be bad or good,

Should (like the cyder-tree in Eden, But as 'tis in or out of mode;

Which only grew to be forbidden) And, as the nations are that use it,

No sooner come to be enjoy'd,
All ought to practise or refuse it;

But th' owner 's fatally destroy'd;
T observe their postures, move, and stand, And that which she for good design'd,
As they give out the word o' command ;

Becomes the ruin of mankind,
To learn the dullest of their whims,

That for a little vain excess And how to wear their very limbs;

Runs out of all its happiness, To turn and manage every part,

And makes the friend of Truth and Love Like puppets, by their rules of art;

Their greatest adversary prove; To shrug discreetly, act, and tread,

T'abuse a blessing she bestow'd And politicly shake the bead,

So truly essential to his good, Until the ignorant, (that guess

To countervail his pensive cares, At all things by th' appearances)

And slavish drndgery of aflairs; To see how Art and Nature strive,'

To teach him judgment, wit, and sense, Believe them really alive,

And, more than all these, confidence; And that they 're very men, not things

To pass his times of recreation That move by puppet-work and springs;

In choice and noble conversation, When truly all their feats have been

Catch truth and reason unawares, As well perform’d by motion-men,

As men do health in wholesome airs; And the worse drolls of Punchinellos

(While fools their conversants possess Were much th' ingeniouser fellows;

As unawares with sottishness) For, when they 're perfect in their lesson,

To gain access a private way Th' hypothesis grows out of season,

To man's best sense, by its own key, And, all their labour lost, they 're fain

Which painful judges strive in vain To learn new, and begin again;

By any other course t' obtain; To talk eternally and loud,

To pull off all disguise, and view And altogether in a crowd,

Things as they 're natural and true; No matter what; for in the noise

Discover fools and knaves, allow'd No man minds what another says:

For wise and honest in the crowd; Tassume a confidence beyond

With innocent and virtuous sport Mankind, for solid and profound,

Make sbort days long, and long nights short, And still, the less and less they know,

And mirth, the only antidote The greater dose of that allow:

Against diseases ere they 're got; Decry all things; for to be wise

To save health harmless from th' access Is not to know, but to despise;

Both of the med'cine and disrase; And deep judicious confidence

Or make it help itself, secure Has still the odds of wit and sense,

Against the desperat'st tit, the cure. And can pretend a title to

All these sublime prerogatives Far greater things than they can do:

Of happiness to human lives, Tadorn their English with French scraps,

He vainly throws away and sights, And give their very language claps;

For madness, nois, and binorly fights; To jernie rightly, and renounce

When nothing can decide, but swords l'th' pure and most approv'd-of tones,

And puts, the right or wrong of words, And, while they idly think t' enrich,

Like princes' titles; and he's outed Adulterate their native speech :

The justice of his cause that 's routed.

No sooner has a charge been sounded

For then 'twas but a civil contract made With-Son of a whore, and Damn'd confounded, Between two partners that set up a trade; And the bold signal given, the lie,

And if both fail'd, there was no conscience But instantly the bottles fly,

Nor faith invaded in the strictest sense; Where cups and glasses are small shot,

No canon cf the church, nor vow, was broke, And cannon-ball a pewter-pot:

When men did free their gall'd necks from the yoke; That blood, that's hardly in the vein,

But when they tir'd, like other horned beasts, Is now remanded back again;

Might have it taken off, and take their rests, Though sprung from wine of the same piece, Without being bound in duty to show cause, And near a-kin, within degrees,

Or reckon with divine or human laws. Strives to commit assassinations

For since, what use of matrimony has been On its own natural relations ;

But to make gallantry a greater sin ? And those twin-spirits, so kind-hearted,

As if there were no appetite nor gust, That from their friends so lately parted,

Below adultery, in modish lust; No sooner several ways are gone,

Or no debauchery were exquisite, But by themselves are set upon,

Until it has attain'd its perfect height. Surpris'd like brother against brother,

For men do now take wives to nobler ends, And put to th’sword by one another;

Not to bear children, but to bear them friends ; So much more fierce are civil wars,

Whom nothing can oblige at such a rate Than those between mere foreigners !

As these endearing offices of late. And man himself, with wine possest,

For men are now grown wise, and understand More savage than the wildest beast!

How to improve their crimes as well as land; For serpents, when they meet to water,

And, if they ’ve issue, make the infants pay Lay by their poison and their nature:

Down for their own begetting on the day, And fiercest creatures, that repair,

The charges of the gossiping disburse, In thirsty deserts, to their rare

And pay beforehand (ere they 're born) the nurse; And distant river's banks to drink,

As he that got a monster on a cow, In love and close alliance link,

Out of design of setting up a show. And from their mixture of strange seeds

For why should not the brats for all account, Produce new, never heard-of breeds,

As well as for the christening at the fount, To whom the fiercer unicorn

When those that stand for them lay down the rate Begins a large health with his horn;

O'th' banquet and the priest in spoons and plate? As cuckolds put their antidotes,

The ancient Romans made the state allow When they drink coffee, into th' pots;

For getting all men's children above two: Wbile man, with raging drink inflamd,

Then married men, to propagate the breed, Is far more savage and untam'd;

Had great rewards for what they never did, Supplies his loss of wit and sense

Were privileg'd, and highly honour'd too, With barbarousness and insolence;

For owning what their friends were fain to do; Believes hiinself, the less he's able,

For so they 'ad children, they regarded not The more heroic and formidable;

By whom, (good men) or how, they were begot. Lays by his reason in his bowls,

To borrow wives (like money) or to lend, As Turks are said to do their souls,

Was then the civil office of a friend, Until it has so often been

And he that made a scruple in the case Shut out of its lodging, and let in,

Was held a miserable wretch and base; At length it never can attain

For when they ’ad children by 'em, th'honest men To find the right way back again;

Return'd them to their husbands back again. Drinks all his time away, and prunes

Then, for th' encouragement and propagation The end of 's life, as vignerons

Of such a great concernment to the nation, (ut short the branches of a vine,

All people were so full of complacence, To make it bear more plenty o'wine ;

And civil duty to the public sense, And that which Nature did intend

They had no name t'express a cuckold then, T” enlarge his life, perverts t' its end.

But that which signified all married men; So Noah, when he anchor'd safe on

Nor was the thing accounted a disgrace, The mountain's top, his lofty haven,

Unless among the dirty populace, And all the passengers he bore

And no man understands on what account Were on the new world set ashore,

Less civil nations after hit upon 't: He made it next his chief design

For to be known a cuckold can be no To plant and propagate a vine ;

Dishonour but to him that thinks it so; Which since bas overwhelm'd and drown'd

For if he feel no chagrin or remorse, Par greater numbers, on dry ground,

His forehead's shot-free, and he's ne'er the worse : Of wretched mankind, one by one,

For horns (like horny callouses) are found
Than all the flood before had done.

To grow on sculls that have receiv'd a wound,
Are crackt, and broken; not at all on those,
That are invulnerate and free from blows.

What a brave time had cuckold-makers then,
SATIRE UPON MARRIAGE.

When they were held the worthiest of men, Sure marriages were never so well fitted,

The real fathers of the commonwealth, As when to matrimony men were committed, That planted colonies in Rome itself! Like thieves by justices, and to a wife

When he that help'd his neighbours, and begot Bound, like to good behaviour, during life :

Most Romans, was the noblest patriot !

For if a brave man, that preserv'd from death When no indictment justly lies,
Ope citizen, was honour'd with a wreath,

But where the theft will bear a price.
He, that more gallantly got three or four,

For though wit never can be learn'd, In reason must deserve a great deal more.

It may b'assum'd, and own'd, and earn', Then, if those glorious worthies of old Rome, And, like our noblest fruits, improv'd, That civiliz'd the world they 'ad overcome, By being transplanted and remov'd; And taught it laws and learning, found this way And, as it bears no certain rate, The best to save their empire from decay,

Nor pays one penny to the state,

With which it turns no more t' account Why should not these, that borrow all the worth They have from them, not take this lesson forth- Than virtue, faith, and merit 's wont; Get children, friends, and honour too, and money, Is neither moveable nor rent, By prudent managing of matrimony ?

Nor chattle, goods, nor tenement, For, if 'tis honourable by all confest,

Nor was it ever pass'd b' entail, Adultery must be worshipful at least,

Nor settled upon heirs-male; And these times great, when private men are come Or if it were, like ill-got land, l'p to the height and politic of Rome.

Did never fall t'a second hand; All by-blows were not only free-born then,

So 'tis no more to be engross'd But, like John Lilburn, free-begotten men;

Than sunshine, or the air enclos'd, Had equal right and privilege with these,

Or to propriety contin'd, That claim by title right of the four seas :

Than th' uncontrol'd and scatter'd wind. For, being in marriage born, it matters not

For why should that which Nature ineant After what liturgy they were begot ;

To owe its being to its vent,
And if there be a difference, they have

That has no value of its own,
Th' advantage of the chance in proving brave, But as it is divulg'd and known,
By being engender'd with more life and force, Is perishable and destrov'd,
Than those begotten the dull way of course. As long as it lies unenjoy'd,
The Chinese place all piety and zeal

Be scanted of that liberal use,
In serving with their wives the commonweal; Which all mankind is free to choose,
Fix all their hopes of merit and salvation

And idly hoarded where 'twas bred, l'pon their women's supererogation:

Instead of being dispers’d and spread ?
With solemn vows their wives and daughters bind, And, the more lavish and profuse,
Like Eve in Paradise, to all mankind;

'Tis of the nobler general use;
And those that can produce the most gallants, As riots, though supply'd by stealth,
Are held the preciousest of all their saints;

Are wholesome to the commonwealth, Wear rosaries about their necks, to con

And men spend freelier what they win, Their exercises of devotion on;

Than what they ’ave freely coming in. That serve them for certificates, to show

The world 's as full of curious wit,
With what vast numbers they have had to do: Which those that father never writ,
Before they ’re marry'd make a conscience As 'tis of bastards, which the sot
Tomit no duty of incontinence;

And cuckold owns, that ne'er begot;
And she, that has been oftenest prostituted, Yet pass as well as if the one
Is worthy of the greatest match reputed.

And th’ other by-blow were their own.
But, when the conquering Tartar went about For why should he that 's impotent
To root this orthodox religion out,

To judge, and fancy, and invent,
Thev stood for conscience, and resolv'd to die, For that impediment be stopt
Rather than change the ancient purity

To own, and challenge, and adopt, Of that religion, wbich their ancestors

At least th' expos'd and fatherless And they had prosper'd in so many years ;

Poor orphans of the pen and press, Vox'd to their gods to sacrifice their lives,

Whose parents are obscure, or dead, And die their daughters' martyrs, and their wives', Or in far countries born and bred ? Before they would commit so great a sin

As none but kings have power to raise Against the faith they had been bred up in.

A levy, which the subject pays,
And though they call that tax a loan,
Yet when 'tis gather'd 'tis their own;

So he that 's able to impose
SATIRE UPON PLAGIARIES.

A wit-excise on verse or prose,
Why should the world be so averse

And still, the abler authors are To plagiary privateers,

Can make them pay the greater share, That all men's sense and fancy seize,

Is prince of poets of his time, And make free prize of what they please?

And they his vassals that supply him; As if, because they huff and swell,

Can judge more justly o' what he takes Like pilferers, full of what they steal,

Than any of the best he makes, Others might equal power assume,

And more impartially conceive To pay them with as hard a doom ;

What 's fit to choose, and what to leave. To shut them up, like beasts in pounds,

For men reflect more strictly ’pon For breaking into others' grounds!

The sense of others than their own; Mark them with characters and brands,

And wit, that 's made of wit and sleight, Like other forgers of men's hands;

Is richer than the plain downright: And in effigie hang and draw

As salt, that's made of salt, 's more fine, The poor delinquents by club-law,

Than when it first came from the brine; VOL VIIL

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And spirits of a nobler nature

Attend her silly lazy pleasure, Drawn from the dull ingredient matter.

Until she chance to be at leisure; Hence mighty Virgil 's said of old,

When 'tis more easy to steal wit: From dung to have extracted gold;

To clip, and forge, and counterfeil, (As many a lout and silly clown

Is both the business and delight, By his instructions since have done)

Like hunting sports, of those that write; And grew more lofty by that means,

For thievery is but one sort, Than by his livery-oats and beans,

The learned say, of hunting sport. When from his carts and country farms

Hence 'tis that some, who set up first, He rose a mighty man at arms;

As raw, and wretched, and unverst, To whom th' Heroics ever since

And open'd with a stock as poor have sworn allegiance, as their prince,

As a healthy beggar with one sore ; And faithfully bave all in times

That never writ in prose or verse, Observ'd his customs in their rhymes.

But pick'd, or cut it, like a purse, 'Twas counted learning once, and wit,

And at the best could but commit To void but what some author writ,

The petty-larceny of wit; And what men understood by rote,

To whom to write was to pirloin, By as implicit sense to quote:

And printing but to stamp false coin; Then many a magisterial clerk

Yet, after long and sturdy endeavours Was taught, like singing-birds, i' th dark,

Of being painful wit-receivers, And understood as much of things,

With gathering rags and scraps of wit, As th’ablest blackbird what it sings;

As paper 's made on which 'tis writ, And yet was honour'd and renown'd

Have gone forth authors, and acquir'd For grave, and solid, and profound.

The right-or wrong-to be admir'd; Then why should those, who pick and choose And, arm'd with confidence, incurrid The best of all the best compose,

The fool's good luck, to be preferr'd. And join it by Mosaic art,

For, as a banker can dispose In graceful order, part to part,

Of greater sums he only owes, To make the whole in beauty suit,

Than he who honestly is known Not merit as complete repute

To deal in nothing but his own, As those who, with less art and pains,

So, whosoe'er can take up most,
Can do it with their native brains,

May greatest fame and credit boast.
And make the homespun business fit
As freely with their mother wit;
Since, what by Nature was deny'd,
By Art and Industry 's supply'd,

SATIRE,
Both which are more our own, and brave,

· IN TWO PARTS,
Than all the alms that Nature gave ?
For that w acquire by pains and art
Is only due t'our own desert;

HUMAN LEARNING.
While all th' endowments she confers

PART I.
Are not so much our own as her's,
That, like good fortune, unawares

Ir is the noblest act of human reason,
Fall not t' our virtue, but our shares,

To free itself from slavish prepossession, And all we can pretend to merit

Assume the legal right to disengage We do not purchase, but inherit.

From all it had contracted under age, Thus all the great'st inventions, when

And not its ingenuity and wit, They first were found out, were so mean,

To all it was imbued with first, submit; That th' authors of them are unknown,

Take true or false for better or for worse, As little things they scorn'd to own;

To have or to hold indifferently of course. Until by men of nobler thought

For Cestom, though but usher of the school, Th' were to their full perfection brought.

Where Nature breeds the boy and the soul, This proves that Wit does bit rough-hew,

L'surps a greater power and interest Leaves Art to polish and review;

O'er man, the heir of Reason, than brute beast, And that a wit at second-hand

That by two different instincts is led, Has greatest interest and command;

Born to the one, and to the other bred, For to improve, dispose, and judge,

And trains him up with rudiments inore false Is nobler than t' invent and drudge.

Than Nature does her stupid animals; Invention 's humorous and nice,

And that 's one reason why more care 's bestow'd And never at command applies;

Upon the body, than the soul 's allow'd, Disdains t' obey the proudest wit,

That is not found to understand and know Unless it chance t'be in the fit;

So subtly, as the body 's found to grow. (Like prophecy, that can presage

Though children, without study, pains, or thought, Successes of the latest age,

Are languages and vulgar notions taught, Yet is not able to tell when

Improve their natural talents without care, It next shall prophesy again)

And apprehend before they are aware, Makes all her suitors course and wait,

Yet as all strangers never leave the tones Like a proud minister of state,

They have been usd of children to pronounce, And, when she's serious, in some freak,

So most men's reason never can outgrow Extravagant, and vain, and weak,

The discipline it first receiv'd to know,

UPON THE IMPERFECTION AND ADUSE OF

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