more formidable, first one and then another; and, before I could get one out of fight by prayer, there would appear ten more in fight, till I quite despaired of driving out these old inhabitants of the land. And now my comforts fled, and the Lord left me; and Satan came to present to my view the holinefs of a real faint, and how widely I differed from one of that happy number, by fuggefting fuch texts as thefe: "He that is born of God finneth not;"" They do no iniquity; they walk in his law," &c. And with this temptation alfo was I befet, namely, that I had inadvertently finned against the Holy Ghoft. This cut my girdle. I caft away all my confidence, repented of my prefumption in claiming Chrift as mine, and relinquished, as far as unbelief could go, all pretenfions to any part or lot in the great falvation of Chrift. At this time the Lord returned with double love and treble glory, and revived the whole work, and brought it all forth to light again, and led me to compare fpiritual things with fpiritual. His work within, with his word of promife without, and what I read in his book, I found to be engraved on my heart, and I appeared to be established like the everlasting hills.

And now I must tell my friend how this trial came upon me. I had been for fome time turning over in my mind fuch paffages as thefe; "You fhall be hated of all men for my name's fake." "Is it through much tribulation we must

enter

enter into the kingdom of God." thee in the furnace of affliction."

"I have chofen

"He that will

come after me, let him take up his crofs and follow me." I knew that I had none of thefe exercifes, and therefore concluded all was not right with me; that I was not "in the footsteps of the flock;" and, fearing of coming fhort of the promifed reft, and of any thing being lacking in my faith that is effential to falvation, I fecretly wished for trials and troubles, and for fuch tribulation as lay in the way to the kingdom; and foon after the above-described desertion came on. But, after the above-mentioned revival of the work, my mountain feemed fo ftrong again, that I thought, as before, that I fhould never be moved again. But, foon after, another fpiritual desertion came on, attended with wrath, bitterness of foul, legal bondage, and intolerable hardness of heart. And with this a very strange fire was kindled, which I never had felt before, and that was fpiritual jealoufy; and this stirred up the most bitter rebellion, and laid me open to the cruel affaults of Satan. All these came on at once. This fad complication of miferies fo confounded me, and drank up my spirits, that I was obliged to quit my lawful labour, and to wander into the fields and woods. At length the Lord came again, as before, and brought his whole work on my foul to light again; and I cursed my folly in giving way to Sa tan and to unbelief, and for calling in queftion

the

the faithfulnefs and truth of the unchangeable Jehovah; and fecretly wished for another onfet with the devil, not doubting but I should quit myfelf like a man. But, as foon as the next attack came on, I turned back in the day of battle, although harneffed and carrying a bow; for the devil, varying his temptations, furprised me on that fide where I was moft fecure. And hence it appeared as though fome ftrange thing had happened unto me. For fome months I went on, up and down in the balance of the fanctuary, this way. And I learnt one leffon in this field of action, and that was, that the Lord's ftrength was made perfect in weaknefs. For, when I refolved and muttered up all my courage, I never ftood at all, but fell when the first dart reached me; but, when I feared, trembled, and cried mightily to my God and Saviour, he hath ftrengthened the weak against the ftrong, fo that the weak hath come even to the fortrefs. I have, at fuch times, been enabled even to refemble a foldier of Chrift. I have rebuked the devil for his infolence and blafphemy; I have curfed him and defied him, in the name of the living God. I told him he was damned, and his punishment would certainly come on him, and that my eyes fhould fee it; and he could not deny it, nor reply against it. However, these continual changes, one day at the gates of heaven, and the next day in the belly of hell, led me to conclude that it was not pleafing to

God

God that I was fo infatiable after comfort; because I perceived that my joys got more and more fhort-lived, and my bitter feasons were more and more lengthened out. The day of prosperity appeared but an hour, and the day of adverfity a month. My heart was well acquainted with its own bitterness; nor did ftrangers intermeddle with my joy. Yet I fecretly wished that my feet flood in a more even path. But muft I tell you all the fecret? muft I difclofe my own fhame? Take it then. I thought in my heart, and muttered out with my lips, the following perverfeness: “I believe the Lord grudges me my comforts, or else he would never fuffer me to be fo buffetted by the devil every time they are gone; and I would fooner be without them than go on fo." And the Lord took me at my word; for the sweet breast of confolation was immediately withdrawn, to my great grief, and no fmall mortification; and I found it just as the evangelical prophet represents it: "Whom fhall he teach knowledge? and whom fhall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." Ifa. xxviii. 9, 10. The breaft being withdrawn, I fearched the fcriptures day and night to fee what fecurity I could get, what confirmation and cftablishment the word of God afforded. I compared

his

his work on my foul with his word, and efpecially those parts where he promises to make a new covenant with us, to pardon fin, and give us a new heart, &c.; and I found the work to be genuine, and that it would ftand the teft of every text, except fuch as thefe: " He that is born of God finneth not." "They alfo do no iniquity: they walk in his ways." Pfalm cxix. 3. These I could not make out, as they feemed to affert nothing less than perfection. At these I often staggered; and they were fad ftumbling-blocks to me. However, I confidered the decrees and purposes of God, his covenants, promifes, faithfulnefs, and truth; the immutability of his nature, the finished work of Chrift, the oaths of God, the Spirit's work, and his faithfulness to his children in every age; and got much light, and gathered much strength, this way; and the bleffed Spirit, who before was my comforter, was now a fpirit of revelation and understanding to me; and, having loft all my milk and honey, I fed upon ftrong meat; the breaft was taken away, and knowledge and understanding became my food. I had before grown in and now I grace, grew in knowledge; and my mind was much employed in heavenly meditation on the glorious truths of the gofpel. But this did not afford that nourishment, warmth, and heavenly sweetness, to the heart, which the other did. I often fat down and confidered the days of old, when "the vifitations of

God