And here is Don Joseph, the true King of Spain, Which he ought to have done last October.- As a principal actor did England combine, With her gold, her intrigues, and her troops of the line!→ For, since into Rome I've transmogrified France, Much better on Spain than at Sea is my chance; And when she is ready to tumble asunder, CAMILLUS. THE PAINS OF A PARTY OF PLEASURE. SIR, 14 [From the General Evening Post, July 61] TO THE EDITOR, &c. AM greatly mistaken, if, in stating the difference between the English and French modes of living, it was not agreed by all travellers, that the French are total strangers to what we call comfort-either in their houses or their parties. The distinguishing cha racteristic of an Englishman's happiness was, not that excess of joy and animation which is peculiar to our more lively neighbours; but, in all his pleasures, his highest gratification was a species of comfort and of snugness connected with his notions of liberty, and excluding every idea of constraint and inconvenience. Englishmen, THE PAINS OF A PARTY OF PLeasure. 265 Englishmen, in their parties, delighted in that unconcerned species of relaxation in which the body, as well as the mind, was at perfect ease. He lolled in his chair, took his glass, and cracked his jokesstretching his limbs under the table, with a sort of indolence which showed the absence of care and concern. However industrious in business (and no nation can exhibit greater industry), when he came to relax, as he called it, he presented a perfect picture of ease, freedom, and comfort, which, whilst it admitted social pleasure, excluded fear, anxiety, and ceremony. But, Sir, how comes it about that all this has of late been reversed-that in all our parties of pleasure we should study only to what inconvenience our guests may be put, and even to what danger they may be exposed? Whether our fashionables give what they call a rout, or a dinner; a breakfast, or a gala; or by whatever name the entertainment may be called, why is it become the fashion to surround us with inconve niences and risks, which totally banish all ideas of pleasure or comfort? A dance, and the room so crowded that it is impossible to move-a dinner or supper, and the guests so numerous that all politeness and accommodation are exchanged for a scramble, that would do credit to a shilling ordinary-cardparties, in which all play is turned into fainting-fits and swooning-refreshments, which are so difficult to be procured, that hartshorn and lavender must be substituted-a promenade, in which we enjoy every thing but the power of breathing-and the whole produce of a bothouse brought into a room, that fresh air may be excluded-and ladies and gentlemen, instead of talking, laughing, and joking, are screaming, gasping, and crying. Such are the pains of a modern party of pleasure; and all I wish to know, Sir, is, the advantage to be derived VOL. XV. N derived from this system of inconvenience and enbarrassment. I should suppose that some advantage must arise, although I cannot discover what it is; for I am confidently assured, that there are ladies of distinction who give routs of the kind I have described, and are happy only in proportion to the number of fainting-fits within doors, and of accidents without: such as the pole of one coach driven through the back of another; a footman's leg broken; the whole neighbourhood disturbed; glasses smashed; horses rearing, kicking, and plunging; ladies walking without shoes to their carriages, &c. &c. Without a column or two of these casualties in a newspaper, Lady A. and Lady B. and Lady C. declare that a rout would be worth nothing; and so it may, for aught that I know. All I wish explained is, the theory-the philosophy-of such entertainments; in order that, while a considerable proportion of mankind are laughing at the preference given to personal inconvenience and risk, they may be instructed in what they cannot at present comprehend. But while I mention this aversion to social comfort as something new in our entertainments, I would not have it thought that I mean to compliment the ingenuity of the inventors. In truth, there is so little of invention, so little of what any blockhead may not practise, that they can take scarcely any credit to themselves on this score. In order to render a Party of Pleasure as uncomfortable, inconvenient, and dangerous, as possible, nothing more is required than to invite twice the number of guests, which the house will hold! Surely this recipe is simple, and adapted "to the meanest capacities;" and if it requires any addition, it must derive it from the state of the weather. Thus, a fête champêtre may be given in a rainy season; or an in-door rout when the thermometer stands at 70; and this, with double the number of ADVANCEMENT OF THE STAGE, 267 of guests that the house can contain, will provide a series of mobbing, crowding, squeezing, screaming, fainting, scrambling, &c. &c. enough, I should sup+ pose, to gratify the most ardent admirers of personal fatigue and danger, and to produce such a number of colds, and other inflammatory affections of the lungs, as may give an extraordinary eclat to a rout, and enable the parties to ascertain, with great exactness, the night they caught the disorder. In the mean time, until it shall please some of these noble hosts and hostesses to instruct us in the ra tionale of making their guests alarmed and unhappy, I should humbly propose a little addition to their routs. They are already dignified by the presence of the Bow Street Officers, for the better preservation of morals and property; and to this I would propose to add a Medical Staff for the safety of lives; and, in addition to the ball-room, the saloon, the gallery, and the supper-room, I would add a Dispensary, to which the wounded and fainting may be removed, and properly taken care of; provided that removing, or moving at all, be practicable. When I look back to our former ideas of social comfort, I must own it is to me an odd species of compliment to say of any one of our fashionable parties, that we are happy to add, no lives were lost," as we formerly used to say of a fire, or a shipwreck. I am, Sir, yours, SIMPLICIUS. ADVANCEMENT OF THE STAGE. TO THE EDITOR OF THE MORNING CHRONICLE. SIR, IT [July 6.] T is now nearly a century since I have thought it worth while to address myself to the public.. Though my notions have been since that time very much adopted, I have not had much encouragement; my most valuable productions having been attributed to Dean Swift, a fellow whose wit I could never perceive, and who owes no small portion of his reputation to the meanness of having insinuated to the lite rary world of that day that he, forsooth, was the real author of the Treatises, learned and elaborate, which I then gave to a discerning public. My Art of Sinking in Poetry" seems to have been almost universally pursued since that valuable tract was published, with the exception of one or two of my contemporaries of that day, and two or three obscure fellows, whom I shall not condescend to retrieve from oblivion. But whatever obligations they (the Poets, Dramatists, and Critics) have been under to me, they have never had the magnanimity to allow it; and I now call your attention to an act of injustice and ingratitude which cannot be sufficiently reprobated. The Drama being so great and so lucrative a part of Poetry, I then published my proposals for "The Advancement of the Stage." I shall trouble you with some extracts from this my project, and I will submit to your judgment whether I have not been treated with the basest ingratitude by Messrs. Kemble and Harris, who, like the Poets, have almost to a man followed my precepts, without having the candour to confess the source of their information, or who it has been that has principally directed their efforts. Read my proposals; you must perceive their plagiarism" It is proposed, in the first place, that the two Theatres be incorporated into one Company; that the Royal Academy of Music be added to them as an Orchestra; and that Mr. Figg with his Prizefighters, and Violante with his Rope-dancers, be admitted into Partnership. 66 2. That a spacious building be erected at the public |