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“Sun. 3.—Last night was more stormy than any we have had this winter. Few could attend preaching at Fenton. However God was with us. It seemed doubtful whether I could get to Tadcaster ; but I set off, and one of Mr. Allen's servants accompanied me a few miles. We had to wade through the snow, which was very deep, and I got safe to Tadcaster, though they did not expect
In my way from Fenton to Tadcaster, I was much drawn out in prayer for the spirit of my
station. The language of my heart and tongue was, O Lord, I am willing to go up to the neck in snow all the day long, if it were possible, or to endure any hardship, if thou wilt only give me the spirit of my station. My mind was quickened and comforted.” The reader will probably think with the compiler of this Memoir that its subject already possessed in an eminent degree that 'spirit of his station;' of which he so earnestly sought a higher
· Sat. 23.—My heart has been much engaged with God to-day; had a gracious season this morning in meditation, reading, and prayer. In my way from Healough to Mr. Coulson's, I was favoured with very sensible nearness to God. I had some difficulty in getting to Mr. C.'s, though no danger. When I got there, the family were driven up stairs, and I had to wade almost to the knees to get to them. All the low rooms were about a foot deep in water. In the evening I went with nine other persons in a small boat to Uskill. The water was so high that we passed over hedge and ditch without obstacle for three quarters of a mile at least; and might have gone many miles in the same way. It was a delightful evening; the sun had just set, and left a crimson tinge in the western sky. An agreeable breeze just waved the surface of the water; and my mind enjoyed inexpressible rest in God. Glory be to his name, I had a gracious season while preaching. The people had had no preaching for a month, and were hungry.
“Newton, Mon. April 1.–For some weeks my gracious Lord has been very considerably deepening his work in my heart, particularly so for about ten days. Oni Easter Monday, at our Lovefeast and Watch-night, my heart was greatly enlarged. Much blessed under a sermon preached by Mr. W. His good sense, solid judg
ment, burning zeal, and deep piety affected me much, and occasioned humiliation and shame before God. Since then
my heart has in general burned like fire in the service of the Lord. Many a baptism of his Spirit have I been favoured with of late. Glory be to his holy name ! On Friday, while engaged in deep meditation and prayer, my horse suddenly started, and threw me on my back. It was some time before I rose; and soon after I fell into a cold sweat and fainted. My soul was calmly stayed on God, and enjoyed indescribable peace and serenity. Yesterday I rode in much pain twelve miles; but my God helped me out of the common way. I preached at Helperby at ten in an out-house-a time I trust which will long be remembered by many; and at Tollerton at noon and night. My soul rested in the Lord. My back, which was hurt by the fall from my horse, is much better to-day, thank God; and what is much better, my soul glows with increasing love to God and man.
April 15.-This morning I entered upon my thirtythird year. I may say, with propriety, this has been, all things considered, the best year of my life. The Lord has made me better acquainted with myself; he has given me to see more of the vanity of the world and the creature; he has favoured me with an increasing knowledge and enjoyment of himself. My soul has often been dissolved in love. And this day I can make a free and full surrender of my all to God. Yea, I am resolved to do it. I will have only one business upon earth, to please and serve my God. A consciousness of my past unfaithfulness would cast me down, were it not for the precious, precious blood of sprinkling. Relying on that, I can rejoice in God, and venture again to engage myself to be His.
Sat. May 11.—This week Mr. W. Thompson died at Birmingham. He made a comfortable conclusion. To a few friends who visited him, he said, “You are just come in time enough to see me die. I am dying in the full enjoyment of that hope that is full of immortality.'
May 18.–Good old Mr. Murlin is dead, I hear, or rather has begun to live. For many years he has been much afflicted, and has been calmly waiting for his change. After a very useful life, he is gathered to his fathers in a good old age. Our aged brethren are drop
ping off, and soon will all be gone. O Lord, spare them that remain, a little longer; and may I and all my younger brethren follow them as they followed Christ. Amen.
“ June 1.- This week we have had our District Meeting in York; in which we had peace and unanimity. Our late troubles with disaffected persons seem to have been over-ruled for our good. The preachers in general appear to be closely united. O may the spirit of unity, peace, and concord continue and abound.
“ Frid. July 26.—Set off for Conference. A spirit of prayer rested
Preached at Thorner this evening with great profit to myself, from I am thine, save me.'
• Sat. 27. Halifax.-Came here this afternoon: kindly received by my old friends, and had profitable opportunities in conversation and prayer. My soul prospers. Thanks to free grace. On my way to Halifax, the sight of different places which I used to visit, brought to my remembrance former times. Oh! had I been faithful as a Christian and as a preacher, ever since I was in this circuit, what manner of person should I have been ! However, I praise God that I am what I am, and renew my engagements to be wholly his.
Sun. 28. Had a comfortable day with my old friends at Halifax, where I preached twice to large congregations.
Mon. 29.—Arrived safely at Manchester. Here I drew my first breath: here I was born again, and began to preach. Glory be to God for all his mercies. Mr. Hopper preached in the evening.
York, Aug. 20.-I am now settled in my work once again, after having been in an unsettled state for several weeks. I thank God for it. During the time of Conference, my mind was generally recollected and stayed upon God, though at times rather dissipated, -diverted from its centre. I am resolving to live to my Lord, and to labour as I have never done before. This, in all probability, is the last year I shall spend in York. O may I so employ and improve my time, that I may say to the people as St. Paul did to the Thessalonians, “Ye yourselves are witnesses, and God also, how holily and unblamably I have behaved myself among you.'
"Wed. 28. Stillingfleet.-Yesterday and to-day my soul has thirsted after God; and yet, such has been the state of my body, that I could neither read, write, meditate, nor pray with satisfaction. My head is dull and stupid. And it seems as if I should never more have the capacity of reading, &c. to advantage. At least an enemy has so represented it. While I am writing, I perceive my way is to be perfectly resigned to the divine will. And I may learn more, perhaps, in this way,
and with my poor, stupid head, than in
Such an unaccountable dulness of body and mind as I have laboured under to-day and part of yesterday, I have feared would be a great hinderance to me in my Lord's work. However, through divine grace, I will endeavour to do as well as I can.
“ Sat. 31.-In my way between Ryther and Fenton, my soul was
prayer and love. I was particularly led to pray for the annihilation of corrupt self. And St. Paul's words,—*I am crucified,' appeared to me as they never appeared before. Self-seeking, self-sufficiency, selfesteem, or the gratification of self, in any way whatever, is odious to others when it appears, and sometimes hurtful. But it is chiefly hurtful to the man who sets up himself. If I seek myself, and others oppose
and mortify me, it gives me pain, I suffer for my
sin. If others unite with the devil and my own heart, to gratify self in me, the injury is still greater. I had better suffer pain of mind, however great, than fall into pride and the condemnation of the devil. From henceforward, through divine grace, it shall be a part of my every day's business to mortify self. Self must be crucified : and I will regard every thing disagreeable which may occur, as a cross to which self is to be nailed.
"I think I can say, with the Archbishop of Cambray, O Lord, I am for thee against myself. Behold, I am the clay, thou art the potter: mould and fashion me according to thy own will and pleasure. O let me be, let me do, let me suffer, what thou wilt. Let me be esteemed or not esteemed; use me, or lay me aside; do with me just what will most promote thy glory, and abase self in me.
Thou knowest, O Lord, who searchest my heart, how I inwardly tremble while writing thus in thy presence. I tremble with the fear, that though I wish to
be wholly thine, and to have all my powers employed for thee, and not for myself; yet I may not be able to drink of thy cup, and to be baptised with thy baptism. O my Lord, if a bitter, bitter cup be necessary for me in this case, if I must have fellowship with thee in Gethsemane, O be with me! O help me to say, “Not my will but thine be done.'
Sept. 21.–Since I wrote before, the Lord has been very gracious to me. He has been pleased to afford me peculiar assistance in my public labours. Yet I see much cause for humiliation, and great need of keeping my own heart engaged with God; for my being a preacher, even if I were a very good, acceptable, and uncommonly successful preacher, will not save me. I must be a holy, sanctified man. O my Lord, let my whole heart be given to thee without reserve. Amen.'
In a former quotation reference was made to the smallness of the income in the York Circuit, which my father found insufficient to cover the expense of board and servants' wages, leaving nothing for clothes and other expenses; it will not excite surprise that, under such circumstances, the prospect of an increase of family should give rise to frequent temptations to anxiety. Being much depressed one day, he opened his mind to his intimate friend and band-mate, Mr. Robert Spence, and told him he feared it would be impossible to keep out of debt. Mr. Spence had imagined that the preachers' wants were well supplied; he expressed his surprise and concern, and inquired into the precise amount of their income. On being informed, he burst into tears, said he knew his Christiana could not keep house with such a sum, and from that moment resolved not to rest, until the preachers' board was raised; a measure which some time after he was enabled to effect.
In the mean time my father's family was increased by the accession of two sons, who were born on the 4th of October. From this very period, so likely to increase his anxiety, he was completely delivered from that temptation. He felt such a persuasion that He who had committed to his care two more candidates for glory, would make all necessary provision for them, that he was never again betrayed into anxious fear lest he should not