I was almoft choaked with the filthy ftuff the monkey had crammed down my throat; but my dear little nurfe picked it out of my mouth with a fmall needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which gave me great relief. Yet I was fo weak, and bruifed in the fides with the fqueezes given me by this odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The King, Queen, and all the court, fent every day to enquire after my health, and her Majefty made me feveral vifits during my fickness. The monkey was killed, and an order made that no fuch animal should be kept about the palace.

When I attended the King after my recovery to return him thanks for his favours, he was pleafed to rally me a good deal upon this adventure. He afked me, what my thoughts and fpeculations were while I lay in the monkey's paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my ftomach. He defired to know, what I would have done upon fuch an occafion in my own country. I told his Majefty, that in Europe we had no monkeys, except fuch as were brought for curiofities from other places, and fo fmall, that I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they prefumed to attack me. And as for that monftrous animal with whom I was fo lately engaged, (it was indeed as large as an elephant.) if my fears had fuffered me to think fo far as to make ufe of my hanger, (looking fiercely, and clapping my hand upon the hilt, as I fpoke,) when he poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I fhould have given him fuch a wound, as would have made him glad to withdraw it with more hafte than he put it in. This I delivered in a firm tone, like a perion who was jealous left his courage fhould be called in queftion. However, my fpeech produced nothing elfe befides a loud laughter, which all the refpect, due to his Majefty from thofe about him, could not make

them

them contain. This made me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do himself honour among those, who are out of all degree of equality or comparison with him. And yet I have feen the moral of my own behaviour very frequent in England fince my return, where a little contemptible varlet, without the leaft title to birth, person, wit, or common fenfe, fhall prefume to look with importance, and put himself upon a foot with the greatest perfons of the kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with fome ridiculous story; and Glumdalclitch, although fhe loved me to excefs, yet was arch enough to inform the Queen, whenever I committed any folly that fhe thought would be diverting to her Majefty. The girl, who had been out of order, was carried by her governess to take the air about an hour's diftance, or thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small foot-path in a field, and, Glumdalclitch fetting down my travelling-box, I went out of it to walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must need try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but unfortunately jumped fhort, and found myself just in the middle up to my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief; for I was filthily bemired, and my nurse confined me to my box, till we returned home; where the Queen was foon informed of what had paffed, and the footmen fpread it about the court; fo that all the mirth for fome days was at my expenfe.

VOL. V.

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CHAP.

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CHAP. VI *.

Several contrivances of the author to please the King and Queen. He fhews his skill in mufic. The King inquires into the ftate of England, which the author relates to him. The King's obfervations thereon.

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USED to attend the King's levee once or twice a week, and had often feen him under the barber's hand, which indeed was at first very terrible to behold for the razor was almost twice as long as an ordinary fcythe. His Majesty, according to the custom of the country, was only fhaved twice a-week. I once prevailed on the barber to give me fome of the fuds or lather, out of which I picked . forty or fifty of the strongest stumps of hair. I then took a piece of fine wood, and cut it like the back of a comb, making feveral holes in it at equal diftance with as fmall a needle as I could get from

In this chapter the author gives an account of the political state of Europe. His obfervations are delivered with his ufual spirit of humour and feverity. He appears most particularly affected with the proceedings of the courts of judicature, and complains of being almost ruined by a chancery-fuit, which was determined in his favour with cofts. It must be confeffed, that inftances of this kind are too frequent in our courts of justice; and they leave us no room to boast of the execution of our prefent laws, however excellent the laws, in their own original foundation, may have been. Judgement, when turned into wormwood, is bitter; but delays, as Lord Bacon obferves, turn it into vinegar. It becomes fharp and corroding: and certainly it is more elgible to die immediately by the wound of an enemy, than to decay lingering by poifon, adminiftered from a feeming friend. Orrery.

The noble commentator is mistaken as to his first observation; for Gulliver has here given a political account of no country but England. It is however a miftake to which any commentator would have been liable, who had read little more than the titles or contents of the chapters, into which this work is divided; for the word Europe has, in fome English, and all the Irish editions, been printed in he title of this chapter, inftead of England. Glumdalclitch,

Glumdalclitch. I fixed in the ftumps fo artificially, fcraping and floping them with my knife towards the points, that I made a very tolerable comb; which was a feasonable supply, my own being fo much broken in the teeth, that it was almost use. lefs: neither did I know any artist in that country fo nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another.

And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many of my leifure-hours. I defired the Queen's woman to fave for me the combings of her Majesty's hair, whereof in time I got a good quantity, and confulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who had received general orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him to make two chairframes, no larger than those I had in my box, and then to bore little holes with a fine awl round those parts where I defigned the backs and feats; through thefe holes I wove the ftrongest hairs I could pick out, juft after the manner of cane-chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a prefent of them to her Majefty, who kept them in her cabinet, and ufed to fhew them for curiofities, as indeed they were the wonder of every one that beheld them. The Queen would have had me fit upon one of those chairs, but I abfolutely refuted to obey her, protesting I would rather die a thoufand deaths, than place a dishonourable part of my body on those precious hairs that once adorned her Majefty's head. Of thefe hairs (as I had always a mechanical genius,) I likewife made a neat little purfe about five feet long, with her Majefty's name decyphered in gold letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch by the Queen's confent. To fay the truth, it was more for fhew than ufe, being not of ftrength to bear the weight of the larger coins, and therefore fhe kept nothing in it but fome little toys that girls are fond of.

The King, who delighted in mufic, had frequent

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concerts

concerts at court, to which I was fometimes carried, and fet in my box on a table to hear them: but the noife was fo great, that I could hardly diftinguish the tunes. I am confident, that all the drums and trumpets of a royal army, beating and founding together juft at your ears, could not equal it. My practice was to have my box removed from the place where the performers fat, as far as I could, then to fhut the doors and windows of it, and draw the window curtains; after which I found their mufic not difagreeable.

I had learned in my youth to play a little upon the fpinet. Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a mafter attended twice a week to teach her: I called it a fpinet, because it fomewhat refembled that inftrument, and was played upon in the fame manner. A fancy came into my head, that I would entertain the King and Queen with an English tune upon this inftrument. But this ap peared extremely difficult: for the fpinet was near fixty feet long, each key being almost a foot wide, fo that with my arms extended I could not reach to above five keys, and to prefs them down required a good smart stroke with my fift, which would be too great a labour, and to no purpose. The method I contrived was this: I prepared two round fticks about the bignefs of common cudgels; they were thicker at one end than the other, and I covered the thicker ends with a piece of mouse's fkin, that, by rapping on them, I might neither damage the tops of the keys, nor interrupt the found. Before the fpinet a bench was placed about four feet below the keys, and I was put upon the bench. I ran fideling upon it that way and this, as faft as I could, banging the proper keys with my two fticks, and made a fhift to play a jig to the great fatisfaction of both their Majefties: but it was the moft violent exercise I ever underwent, and yet I could not strike bove fixteen keys, nor confequently play the bafs

and