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Ris. No, mon col-o-nel, it is a fine city, good place--but no opera.
Col. How shocking! and you left his excellency on that account?
Ris. Oui, mon col-o-nel.
Col. Why, his excellency managed to live there without an opera.
Ris. Yes, mon col-o-nel, c'est vrai, but I tink he did not know dare was none when he took de place. I have de charactair from my lord to state why I leave him.
Col. And, pray sir, what wages do you expect ?
Ris. Wages ! Je n'entend pas, mon col-o-nel; do you mean de stipend—de salaire ?
Col. As you please.
Ris. My lord Trefoil give to me seven hundred pounds a year, my wine, and horse and tilbury, wid small tigre for him.
Col. Small what! sir ?
Ris. Exclusive of de pastry, mon col-o-nel, I never touch dat department, but I have de honor to recommend Jenkin, my sister's husband, for de pastry, at five hundred pounds and his wine. Oh, Jenkin is dog a sheap at dat, mon col-o-nel.
Col. Oh, exclusive of pastry!
Oui, mon col-o-nel. Col. Which is to be obtained for five hundred pounds a year additional. Why, sir, the rector of my parish, a clergyman and a gentleman, with an amiable wife and seven children, has but half that sum to live upon.
Ris. Poor clergie! mon col-o-nel. (Shrugging his shoulders.) I pity your clergie! But den you don't considare de science and experience dat it require to make de soup, de omelette
Col. The mischief take your omelette, sir. Do you mean seriously and gravely to ask me seven hundred pounds a year for your services.
Ris. Oui, vraiment, mon col-o-nel. (Taking a pinch of snuff from a gold snuff-box.)
Col. Why then, sir, I can't stand this any longer. Seven hundred pounds! Double it, sir, and I'll be your cook for the rest of my life. Good morning, sir. (In an angry manner, advancing towards Rissolle, who retreats out of the door.) Seven hundred pounds! Seven hundred-mon col-o-nel-rascal.
Nathan. Good morning, captain. How do you stand this hot weather ?
Captain. Lord bless you, boy, it's a cold bath to what we had at Monmouth. Did I ever tell you about that-are battle ?
N. I have always understood that it was dreadful hot that day!
Cap. Lord bless you, boy, it makes my crutch sweat to think on't—and if I didn't hate long stories, I'd tell you things about that-are batile, sich as you wouldn't believe, you rogue, if I didn't tell you.
It beats all natur how hot it was. N. I wonder you did not all die of heat and fatigue.
Cap. Why, so we should, if the reg'lars had only died first; but, you see, they never liked the Jarseys, and wouldn't lay their bones there. Now if I didn't hate long stories, I'd tell you all about that-are business, for you see they don't do things so now-a-days.
N. How so ?-Do not people die as they used to ?
Cap. Lord bless you, no. It beat all natur to see how long the reg’lars would kick after we killed them.
Ñ. What! kick after they were killed! That does beat all natur, as you say.
Cap. Come, boy, no splitting hairs with an old continental, for you see, if I didn't hate long stories, I'd tell you things about this-ere battle, that you'd never believe. Why, Lord bless you, when gineral Washington telled us we night give it to 'em, we gin it to 'em, I tell you.
N. You gave what to them?
Сар. Cold lead, you rogue. Why, bless you, we fired twice to their once, you see; and if I didn't hate long stories, I'd tell you how we did it. You must know, the regʻlars woru their close-bodied red coats, because they thought we were afeard on ’em, but we did not wear any coats, you see, because we hadn't any.
N. How happened you to be without coats ?
Сар. Why, Lord bless you, they would wear out, and the States couldn't buy us any more, you see, and so we marched the lighter, and worked the freer for it. Now if I did not hate long stories, I would tell you what the gineral said to me next day, when I had a touch of the rheumatiz from lying on the field without a blanket all night. You must know, it was raining
hard just then, and we were pushing on like all natur arter the reg'lars. N. What did the gineral say to you?
Cap. Not a syllable, says he, but off comes his coat, and he throws it over my shoulders, “ there, captain,” says he, “wear that, for we can't spare you yet.” Now don't that beat all natur, hey?
N. So you wore the general's coat, did you ?
Cap. Lord bless your simple heart, no. I didn't feel sick arter that, I tell you. No, gineral, says I, they can spare me better than they can you, just now, and so I'll take the will for the deed, says I.
N. You will never forget this kindness, captain.
Cap. Not I, boy! I never feel a twinge of the rheumatiz, but what I say, God bless the gineral. Now you see, I hate long stories, or I'd tell you how I gin it to a reg’lar that tried to shoot the gineral at Monmouth. You know we were at close quarters, and the gineral was right between the too fires.
N. I wonder he was not shot.
Cap. Lord bless your ignorant soul, nobody could kill the gineral; but you see, a sneaking regʻlar didn't know this, and so he leveled his musket at him, and you see, I seed what he was arter, and I gin the gineral's horse a slap on the haunches, and it beats all natur how he sprung, and the gineral all the while as straight as a gun-barrel.
N. And you saved the gineral's life.
Cap. Diủn't I tell you nobody could kill the gineral; but, you see, his horse was in the rake of my gun, and I wanted to get the start of that cowardly reg'lar.
N. Did you hit him?
Cap. Lord bless your simple soul, does the thunder hit where it strikes! though the fellow made me blink a little, for he carried away part of this ear.–See there? (Showing his ear.) Now don't that beat all natur ?
Ñ. I think it does. But tell me how is it, that you took all these things so calmly. What made you so contented under your privations and hardships ?
Cap. Oh, bless your young soul, we got used to it. Besides, you see, the gineral never flinched nor grumbled.
N. Yes, but you served without being paid.
Cap. So did the gineral, and the States, you know, were poor as all natur.
N. But you had families to support.
Cap. Ay, ay, but the gineral always told us that God and our country would take care of them, you see. Now, if I didn't hate long stories, I'd tell you how it turned out just as he said, for he beat all natur for guessing right.
N. Then you feel happy, and satistied with what you have done for your country, and what she has done for you?
Cap. Why, Lord bless you, if I hadn't left one of my legs at Yorktown, I would'nt have touched a stiver of the States' money, and as it is, I am so old, that I shall not need it long. You must know, I long to see the gineral again, for if he don't hate long stories as bad as I do, I shall tell him all about America, you see, for it beats all natur how things have changed since he left us.
SIR FRANCIS WRONGHEAD-MANLY.Cibber.
Manly. Sir Francis, your servant.
Sir F. Troth! all as busy as bees; I have been on the wing ever since eight o'clock this morning.
Man. By your early hour, then, I suppose you have been making your court to some of the great men.
Sir F Why, faith! you have hit it, sir. I was advised to lose no time; so I e’en went straight forward to one great man I had never seen in all my life before.
Man. Right! that was doing business; but who had you got to introduce you?
Sir F. Why, nobody; I remember I had heard a wise man say,—My son, be bold—so troth! I introduced myself. Man. As how, pray?
Sir F. Why, thus, look ye,--Please your lordship, says I, I am Sir Francis Wronghead, of Bumper Hall, and member of parliament for the borough of Guzzledown. Sir, your humble servant, says my lord; thof I have not the honor to know your person, I have heard you are a very honest gentleman, and I am glad your borough has made choice of so worthy a representative; and so, says he, Sir Francis, have you any service to command me? Naw, cousin, these last words, you may be sure, gave me no small encouragement. And thof I know, sir, you have no extraordinary opinion of my parts, yet I believe you won't say that I missed it naw! Man.
Well, I hope I shall have no cause.
Sir F. So, when I found him so courteous—My lord, says I, I did not think to ha' troubled your lordship with business upon my first visit; but, since your lordship is pleased not to stand upon ceremony, why truly, says I, I think naw is as good as another time.
Man. Right! there you pushed him home.
Sir F. Ay, ay, I had a mind to let him see that I was none of your mealy-mouthed ones.
Man. Very good.
Sir F. So, in short, my lord, says I, I have a good estatebut—a—it's a little awt at elbows; and, as I desire to serve my king as well as my country, I shall be very willing to accept a place at court.
Man. So this was making short work on't.
Sir F. Ay, ay! I shot him flying, cousin : some of your hawf-witted ones, naw, would ha' hummed and hawed, and dangled a month or two after him, before they durst open
their mouths about a place, and, mayhap, not ha' got it at last neither.
Man. Oh, I'm glad your so sure on't.
Sir F. You shall hear, cousin. Sir Francis, says my lord, pray what sort of a place may you ha' turned your thoughts upon ? My lord, says I, beggars must not be choosers; but ony place, says I, about a thousand a year, will be well enough to be doing with, till something better falls in,—for I thowght it would not look well to stond haggling with him at first.
Man. No, no, your business was to get footing any way.
Sir F. Right! ay, there's it! ay, cousin, I see you know the world.
Man. Yes, yes, one sees more of it every day.-Well, but what said my lord to all this?
Sir F. Sir Francis, says he, I shall be glad to serve you any way that lies in my power; so he gave me a squeeze by the hand, as much as to say, give yourself no trouble—I'll do your business; with that he turned himself abawt to somebody with a colored ribbon across here, that looked, in my thowghts, as if he came for a place too.
Man. Ha! so, upon these hopes you are to make your fortune!
Mar. Oh, no, I have not the least doubt about it; for just as you
have done, I made my fortune ten years ago.
Man. Nor I neither, upon my faith, cousin. But you, perhaps, may have better fortune ; for I suppose my lord has heard of what importance you were in the debate to-day. You have been since down at the house, I presume.