versed, further than by employing advocates in vain upon fome injuftices, that had been done me; however I would give him all the fatisfaction I was able.

I faid, there was a fociety of men among us bred up from their youth in the art of proving by words multiplied for the purpofe, that white is black, and black is white according as they are paid *. To this fociety all the rest of the people are flaves. For example, if my neighbour hath a mind to my cow, he hires a lawyer to prove that he ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my right, it being against all rules of law, that any man fhould be allowed to speak for himfelf. Now in this cafe I, who am the right owner, lie under two great difadvantages; firft, my lawyer, being practifed almost from his cradle in defending falfhood, is quite out of his element, when he would be an advocate for juftice, which is an unnatural office he always attempts with: great awkwardnefs, if not with ill will. The fecond disadvantage is, that my law-:

As in every caufe counsil are feed on both fides, it

cannot be pretended, that this account is much exaggerated.

yer muft proceed with great caution, of elfe he will be reprimanded by the jud ges, and abhorted by his brethren as one that would leffen the practice of the law. And therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, to gain over my adverfary's lawyer with a double fee; who will then betray his client by infinuating, that he hath justice on his fide. The fecond way is, for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he can by allowing the cow to belong to my adverfary; and this, if it be skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of the bench. Now your honour is to know, that these judges are perfons appointed to decide all controverfies of property, as well as for the tryal of criminals, and picked out from the moft dexterous lawyers who are grown old or lazy; and having been byaffed all their lives against truth and equity, lie under such a fatal neceffity of favouring fraud, perjury, and oppreffion, that I have known fome of them refuse a large bribe from the fide where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty

by

by doing any thing unbecoming their nature or their office.

It is a maxim among these lawyers, that whatever hath been done before, may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to record all the decifions formerly made against common juftice, and the general reafon of mankind. Thefe, under the name of precedents, they produce as authorities to juftify the moft iniquitous opinions, and the judges never fail of directing accordingly.

In pleading they ftudiously avoid entering into the merits of the caufe; but are loud, violent, and tedious, in dwelling upon all circumftances which are not to the purpofe. For inftance, in the cafe already mentioned: they never defire to know what claim or title my adverfary, hath to my cow; but whether the faid cow were red or black; her horns, long or fhort; whether the field I graze her in be round or fquare; whether he was milked at home or abroad; what diseases. fhe is fubject to, and the like; after which they confult precedents, adjourn the cause

from

from time to time, and in ten, twenty, or thirty years come to an issue.

It is likewife to be obferved, that this fociety hath a peculiar cant and jargon of their own, that no other mortal can understand, and wherein all their laws are written, which they take special care to multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very effence of truth and falfhood, of right and wrong; fo that it will take thirty years to decide, whether the field left me by my ancestors for fix generations belongs to'me or to a stranger three hundred miles off.

In the trial of perfons accused for crimes against the state, the method is much more short and commendable: the judge first fends to found the difpofition of those in power, after which he can easily hang or fave a criminal, ftrictly preferving all due forms of law.

Here my mafter interpofing, faid it was a pity, that creatures endowed with fuch prodigious abilities of mind, as these lawyers, by the defcription I gave of them muft certainly be, were not rather encouraged to be instructors of others in wif

dom

dom and knowledge. In anfwer to which I affured his honour, that in all points out of their own trade they were usually the most ignorant and ftupid generation among us, the most despicable in common converfation, avowed enemies to all knowledge and learning, and equally disposed to pervert the general reafon of mankind in every other fubject of discourse as in that of their own profeffion.

CHAP. VI.

A continuation of the state of England under queen Anne. The character of a firft minifter of fate in european courts.

Μ MY mafter was yet wholly at a loss

to understand, what motives could incite this race of lawyers to perplex, difquiet, and weary themselves, and engage in a confederacy of injuftice, meerly for the fake of injuring their fellow-animals; neither could he comprehend what I meant in faying, they did it for hire. Whereupon I was at much pains to describe to him the use of money, the materials it was made of, and the value of the metals, that Ff when