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to the count's serving man, than ever she bestowed upon me; I saw’t i'the orchard. Sir To. Did she see thee the while, old boy tell me that. Sir And. As plain as I see you now. Fab. This was a great argument of love in her toward you. Sir And. 'Slight ! will you make an asso’me t Fab. I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of o: and reason. Sir To. And they have been grand jurymen, since before Noah was a sailor. Fab. She did show favour to the youth in your sight, only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your heart, and brimstone in your liver: You should then have accosted her ; and with some excellent jest, fire new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness. This was looked for at your hand, and this was baulked : the double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady’s opinion ; where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman’s beard, unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt, either of valour, or policy. Sir And. And’t be any way, it must be with valour; for policy I hate; I had as lief be a Brownist, as a politician. sir. To. Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him ; hurt him in eleven places; my niece shall take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevai'i in man's commendation with woman, than report of valour. Fab. There is no way but this, sir Andrew. Sir And. Will either of you bear me a challenge to him t Sir To. Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent, and full of invention : taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss ; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of W. in England, set 'em down : go, about it. Let there be gall enough in thy in though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter: About it." Sir And. Where shall I find you ? Sir To. We’ll call thee at the cubiculo: Go. [Exit Sir Andrew. Fab. This is a dear manakin to you, sir Toby. Sir To. I have been dear to him, lad ; some two thousand strong, or so. Fań. We shail have a rare letter from him; but you'll not deliver it. Sir To. Never trust me then ; and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think, oxen and wain-ropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of the anatomy. Fab. And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great presage of cruelty.
Enter Maria. Sir To. Look, where the youngest wren of nine
Mar. If you desire the spleen, and will o yourselves into stitches, follow me : yon’ gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there, is no Christian, that means to be saved by believing rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. He's in yellow stockings. Sir To. And cross-gartered Mar. Most villanously : like a pedant that keeps a school i'the church.-I have dogged him, like his murderer: he does obey every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more lines, than are in the new map, with the angmentation of the Indies : you have not seen such a thing as 'tis ; I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know, my lady will strike him ; if she do, he’ll smile, and take’t for a great favour. Sir To. Come, bring us, bring us where he is. [Exeunt.
SCENE ini. A Street.
Enter Antonio and Sebastian.
Seb. I would not, by my will, have troubled you; But, since you make your pleasure of your pains, I will no further chide you.
Ant, I could not stay behind you; my desire, More sharp than filed steel, did spur mé forth ; And not all love to see you (though so much, As might have drawn one to a longer voyage), But jealousy what might befall your travel, Being skilless, in these parts; which to a stranger, Unguided, and unfriended, often prove Rough and unhospitable : my willing love, The rather by these arguments of fear, Set forth in your pursuit.
Seb. My kind Antonio, I can no other answer make, but thanks, And thanks, and ever thanks: Often good turns Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay : But, were my worth, as is my conscience, firm, You should find better dealing. What’s to do? Shall we go see the reliques of this town [ing.
Ant. To-morrow, sir; best, first go see your lodg
'Seb. I am not weary, and ’tis long to night;
Ant. *Would, you'd pardon me;
Seb. Belike, you slew great number of his people.
Ant. The offence is not of such a bloody nature; Albeit the quality of the time, and quarrel Might well have given us bloody argument. It might have since been answer'd in repaying What we took from them ; which, for traffic’s sake, Most of our city did : only myself stood oat: For which, if I be lapsed in this place, I shall pay dear.
Seb. Do not then walk too open.
Ant. It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse; In the south suburbs, at the Elephant, Is best to lodge : I will bespeak our diet, [ledge Whiles you beguile the time, and feed your knowWith viewing of the town ; there shall you have me.
Seb. Why ; your purse 2
Ant. Haply, your eye shall light upon some toy You have desire to purchase ; and your store, I think, is not for id e markets, sir.
Seb. I’ll be your purse-bearer, and leave you for An hour.
Seb. I do remember.
scENE IV. Olivia's Garden. Enter Olivia and Maria.
Oli. I have sent after him : He says, he'll come; How shall I feast him t what bestow on him t For youth is bought more oft, than begg’d, or bori speak too loud. Crow’d. Where is Malvolio –he is sad, and civil, And suits well for a servant with my fortunes; Where is Malvolio !
Mar. He's coming, madam; But in strange manner. He is sure possess'd.
oli. Why, what's the matter does he rave
Mar. No, madam, He does nothing but smile : your ladyship Were best have guard about you, if he come; For, sure, the man is tainted in his wits.
Oli. Go call him hither.—I’m as mad as he, . If sad and merry madness equal be.—
To the Elephant.
Mar. How do you, Malvoliot
Mal. At your request ? Yes; Nightingales answer daws.
Mar. Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady ?
Mal. Be not afraid of greatness —"Twas well writ.
Oli. What meanest thou by that, Malvolio !
Mal. Some are born great,
Mal. Some achieve greatness,
Oli. What say'st thou ?
Mal. And some have greatness thrust upon them.
Oli. Heaven restore thee :
Mal. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings ;-
#. Thy yellow stockings t
Mal. And wish'd to see thee cross-gartered P
Oli, Cross-gartered t
Mal. Go to ;-thou art made if thou desirest to be so ;—
Oli. Am I made 2
Mal. If not, let me see thee a servant still.
Oli. Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Ser. Madam, the young gentleman of the count Or. sino's is returned ; I could hardly entreat him back : he attends your ladyship's pleasure.
Oli. I’ll come to him. T Ex't Servant..] Good Maria; let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby Let some of my people have a special care of him : I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. [Exeunt Olivia and Maria.
Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now t no worse man, than sir Toby to look to me? This concurs directly with the letter'; she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him ; for she incites me to that in the letter. Cast the humble slough, says she be opposite with a kinsman, surly with striants, Het thy tongue tang with arguments of state, put thyself into the !'; of singularity;--and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her : but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful And, when she went away now, Let this fellow be looked to : Fellow not Rao, not atter my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together; that no dram of a so. no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,—What can be said to Nothing, that can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Mar. Get him to say his prayers; good sir Toby, get him to pray. Mal. My prayers, minx * Mar. No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness. Mai, Go, hang yourselves all you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element; you shall know more hereafter. [ Exit. Sir To. Is’t possible t Fab. If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. Sir To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. Mar. Nay, pursue him now ; lest the device take air, and taint. Fab. Why, we shall make him mad, indeed. Mar. The house will be the quieter. Sir To. Come, we’ll have him in a dark room, and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he is mad; we may carry it thus for our pleasure, and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him : at which time, we will bring the device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see. Enter Sir Andrew Ague-cheek. Fab. More matter for a May morning. Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I warrant, there’s vinegar and pepper in't. Fab, Is’t so saucy Sir And, Ay, is it, I warrant him : do but read. ..Sir To. Give me. [ Reacts] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurry fellow. Faà. Good, and valiant. Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason
Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law. Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Ólivia, and in my sight she uses thee Kintly; out thou liest in thy throaf, that is not the matter I chail nge thee for. Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good sense-less. Sir To. I will ray-lay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to Kitt me, Fab. Good. Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain. Fab. Still you speak o'the windy side of the law: Good. Sir To. Fare thee trell; And God have mercy upon one of our souls He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so took to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn nemy, - Andrew Ague-cheek. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot : I’ll give’t him. Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. Sir To. Go, sir Andrew ; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff : so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood inore approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Sir And, Nay, let me alone for swearing. [Exit. Sir To. Now will not i deliver his letter: for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding ; his employment between his ord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth, he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth ; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman (as, I know, his youth will aptly receive it), into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. Enter Olivia and Viola. Fab., Here he comes with your niece : give them way, till he take leave, and presently after him. Sir To, I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. [Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria. Oli. I have said too much unto a heart of stone, And laid mine honour too unchary out : There's something in me, that reproves my fault; But such a headstrong potent fault it is, That it but mocks reproof.
Vio. I will acquit you ! oli. Well, come again to-morrow ; Fare thee well; A fiend, like thee, might bear my soul to hell. [Exit. Re-enter Sir Toby Belch and Fabian. Sir To. Gentleman, God save thee. Vio. And you, sir. Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't : of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, 1 know not ; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end : dis mount thy tuck, be yare in why preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly. Vio. You mistake, sir; I am sure, no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man. Sir To. You’ll find it otherwise, I assure, you : therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betak ou to your guard; for your opposite hath in what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal. Vio. I pray you, sir, what is he? To. He is knight, dubbed with unhacked ra
r, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl; souls and bodies hath he divorced three: and his incensement at this moment is so imle, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs th and sepulchre: hobnob, is his word; give’t, or take’t. Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purly on others, to taste their valour: belike, this is a man of that quir ir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very o: injury 5 therefore, get you on, and give him his desire. Back you of... . house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him; therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about *f; yio. "
such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable ; and on the answer, he pays you assurely as your feet hit the ground they step on ; they say he has been fencer to the Sophy. Sir And. Pox on't, I’ll not meddle with him. Sir To. Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder. And. Plague on’t ; an I thought he had been ant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, gray Capilet. Sir To... I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show on't ; this shall end without the perdition of souls: marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. [Aside.
Re-enter Fabian and Viola. I have his horse (To Fab.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him, the youth’s a devil. Fab. He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels. ir To: There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for his oath sake: marry, he had better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore, draw for the supportance of his vow ; he protests he will not hurt you. Vio. Pray God defend me! A little thing woul make me tell them how much I lack of a man. [Aside. Fab. Give ground, if you see him furious. Sir To. Come, sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it; but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on ; to't. Sir And. Pray God, he keep his oath: Enter Antonio. Vio. I do assure you, 'tis against my will. [Draws. Ant. Put up your sword ;-If this young gentleman Have done offence, I take the fault on me; If you offend him, I for him defy you. . [Drawing. ir To, You, sir? why, what are you? Ant. One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more, Than you have heard him brag to you he will. Sir To, Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you. LDraws.
You do mistake me, sir. 1 off. No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, Though now you have no sea-cap on Take him away; he knows, I know
Ant. I must obey.—This comes with seeking you; But the no remed shall answer it. What will you do? Now my necessit Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves me Much more, for what I cannot do for you, Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz'd : But be of comfort.
Come, sir, away.
Anf. I must entreat of you some of that money.
Vio. What money, sir? For the fair kindness you have show'd me here, And, part, being prompted by your present trouble, Out of my lean and low abilit I’ll lend you something : my ha
'll make division of my present Hold, there is half my coffer.
That he believes himself; so do not I.
Enter Maria and clown. Mar. Nay, I pr’ythee, put on this gown and this beard; make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate; do it quickly : I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst. [Exit. Co. Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't ; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not fat enough to become the function wei: ; nor lean enough to be thought a good student; but to be said, an honest man, and a good housekeeper, goes as fairly, as to say, a careful man, and a great scholar. The competitors enter. Enter Sir Toby Belch and Maria. Sir To. Jove bless thee, master parson. Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby : for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is ; so I, being master parson, am master parson ; for what is that, but that! and is, but is t Sir To. To him, Sir Topas. Co. What, hoa, I say, Peace in this prison Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave. Mal. s in an inner Chamber] Who calls tnere? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Mal
*: Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to mv ladv. clo. bat, hvperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Sir To...well said, master parson. Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have said me here in hideous darkness. Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan 1.1 call thee by the most modest terms : for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: say'st thou, that house is dark? Mal. As hell, Sir Topas. Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows, transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction f juat: I am not mad, Sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark. Clo Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled, than the Egyptians in their fog, Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell ; and I say, there was never man thus abused; I am no more mad than you are ; make the trial of it in any constant question. Clo...what is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. Clo. Fare thee well: remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the scul of thy grandam. Fare thee well. Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, Sir To. My most exquisite Sir Topast Clo. Nay, I am for all waters. Mar. Thou might'st lave done this without thy beard, and gown ; he sees thee not. Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would be were ; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to iny chamber. [Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria. Clo. Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does. Mal. Fool,
Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feel’t, and see’t: And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Autonio them t I could not find him at the Elephant : Yet there he was: and there I found this credit, That he did range the town to seek me •ut. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul o: well with my sense. That this may be some ērror, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse, . That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, And ... with my reason, that persuades me To any other trust, but that I am mad, Or else the lady's mad; yet if 'twere so, she could not sway her house, command her followers, Take, and give back, affairs, and their despatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing, As, I perceive, she does; there's something in't, That is deceivable. But here comes the lady.
Enter Olivia and a Priest.
Oli. Blame not this haste of mine: if you mean well, Now go with me, and with this holy man, Into the chantry by : there, before him, And underneath that consecrated roof, Plight me the full assurance of your faith; that my most jealous and too doubtful soul May live at peace: he shall conceal it, Whiles you are willing it shall come to note;
What time we will our celebration keep
ACT W. SCENE 1. The street before olivia's House.
Enter Clown and Fabian. Fab. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter. Clo. Good master Fabian, grant me another request. Fab. Any thing. Clo. Do not desire to see this letter. Fab. That is, to give a dog, and, in recompenee, desire my dog again. Enter Duke, Viola, and Attendants. Duke. Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends? Clo. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings. Puke. I know thee well; How dost thou, my good fellow 7 cio. Truly, sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends. Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends. Clo. No, sir, the worse. Duke. How can that bef Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainiy I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why, then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes. Duke. Why, this is excellent. Clo. By my troth, sir, no ; though it please you to be one of my friends. *. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there’s goid. clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another. Duke. O, you give me ill counsel. Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. Duke. Weil, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer; there’s another. Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all : the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure ; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind ; One, two, three. Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw ; if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further. Čto. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty, till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think, that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a map, I will awake it anon. L Exit. Enter Antonio and officers. Wio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. Duke. That face of his I do remember well; Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd As black as Vulcan, in the smoke of war; A bawbling vessel was he captain of, For shallow draught, and bulk, unprizable : With which such scathful or. did he make with the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy, and the tongue of loss, Cry’d fame and honour on him.—what’s the matter? off. Orsino, this is that, Antonio, That took the Phoenix, and her fraught, from Candy; And this is he, that did the Tiger board, When your young nephew Titus lost his le Here in the streets, desperate of shame, an In private brabble did we apprehend him. Vio. He did me kindness, sir; drew on my side; But, in conclusion, put strange speech upon ine, I know not what 'twas, but distraction. Duke. Notable pirate thou salt-water thief What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody, and so dear, Hast made thine enemies? Ant. Orsino, noble sir, be pleas'd that I shake of these names you give me; Antonio never yet was thief, or pirate, Though I confess, on base and ground enough,