Dame Elizabeth only sighed in reply to this, and Alice, kissing of her cheek affectionately, hurried out of the room. At the bottom of the stairs she met with Stephen Shortcake, who was evidently, by the waggish expression of his countenance, one of the conspirators. To him she whispered something, and then entered the dining-room. There was a large arm-chair on each side of the fire, and into one of these she presently sat, with a monstrous demure face, looking exceeding dignified and sedate. "Prythee breathe not so hard, uncle," said she, in a whisper; "thou wilt mar all else." 66 Nay, I will scarce breathe at all-but hush! here cometh one," replied Sir Nicholas, popping of his head out of the arras behind her, and as quickly popping it back again; for at that moment Stephen Shortcake opened the door and announced my Lord Wiseacre: and sure enough my lord made his appearance, with a face as formal and severe as ever; and making of a low bow, walked up to the now solemn Alice with a gravity of deportment that might have become his great-grandfather's ghost. "How fareth it with you, Mistress Alice?" inquired he, exceeding seriously and took hold of her hand with the air of a doctor about to feel her pulse. "Be it the cold breezes that make you look so bloomingly? Truly is it said, it be an ill wind that bloweth nobody good.' "Methinks what you have said is indisputable," replied Alice, very gravely; “and that which can not be doubted must needs be true." "Indeed, and so it be," observed my lord, with a look of wonderful sagacity, as if it was a truth he was not before aware of. "It doth give me exceeding pleasure to hear you talk so profoundly; but understanding delighteth better than all things, and a wise woman is more precious than gold." "Believe me, I affect not the vanities of youth," said she, in a gravity of tone and manner that did almost exceed his. "I have done with such frivolities. There is a time for all things. I mean now to devote myself to the acquiring of what I think most precious in this world; for is it not said, Wisdom is better than house or land?'" or land, as you have justly remarked. But there shall be no wisdom without experience, and therefore if you lack experience, it be plain you can not have wisdom. Now this experience have I, in some measure. I make no boast of it, Mistress Alice; yet do I say I have as much experience as any man of my inches. And this be the reason. Experience ever came to me naturally, and with little trouble in the learning of it. It hath grown with my growth, and strengthened with my strength. I have lived upon it from my youth upward. Indeed, though I be in no manner given to boasting, I may assert no man that hath lived as I have, hath more experience than have I." "In good truth be you so experienced as that, my lord ?" inquired his fair companion, in a seeming astonishment and admiration. "What a marvellous share of wisdom, then, must be yours!" "Mayhap I am better off than many in that particular," replied he; "but, as I have said, it is not in my nature to boast. Brag's a good dog, but Holdfast's a bet ter. "Is the moon made of green cheese, my lord ?" asked she, very innocently. "There hath been some dispute about it," answered my lord, looking as he thought monstrous philosophical. "For mine own part, I doubt it. It seemeth to me, that were it a cheese, there should be mice at it presently; for it be in the disposition of these animals to have an appetite for cheese; and did they ever get to the nibbling of it, it standeth to reason that before this the moon would have been clean nibbled away." "Indeed, and so it would!" exclaimed Alice, with great earnestness. "Yet is it exceeding strange I saw it not in that light before: however, we are never too old to learn. Now doth it strike me how wonderful is your wisdom! It be impossible after this to doubt you have the great experience you spoke of." "That have I, you may depend on," replied the other, evidently excellently well satisfied with the commendation he was receiving. "Therefore am I the best fitted of all your suitors to take you to wife. Should you give me the answer I have now come for, and which our similarity in disposition inclineth me to expect you will, you can not help leading a very pleasant life with me; for is it not written, A wise son maketh a glad father.' "How infinitely you talk to the pur pose!" exclaimed his fair companion, | own age," replied my lord, as if in some more gravely than ever. "By my troth, the woman that gaineth you will gain a treasure indeed." By this hand, I will wear me a gray periwig, if you will like me the better for't!" exclaimed the other with extreme urgency. "Then had you a fair stock of wrinkles, doubtless you would be more to my taste," said she. “Wrinkles will I have in plenty, after we are married, sweet Alice," he replied, with a like fervor. 66 perplexity. But I doubt not at all, I can not be far short of fifty." "Oh, I am ruined and undone !" exclaimed his fair companion, looking utterly disappointed. "I have been deceived in you, my lord. Never was poor woman so cozened before." The young nobleman seemed as though he knew not what to make of it. "O' my life, I took you for threescore and ten at least," continued she. "Your excessive gravity only accordeth with that time of life. Men at fifty be but mere boys. They can not have the great experience you boast of. I will not put up with one so young. I will have none of you. I pray you, never let me have sight of you again!" 66 At the hearing of this, the face of my lord got like unto that of a fat man seen upside down in the bowl of a spoon, it became of so marvellous a length, and of so singular a gravity. He seemed at first inclined to speak, but, as if seeing it would be all to no purpose, he presently stalked out of the room as solemn as a judge. 66 Oh, thou mad wench!" exclaimed Sir Nicholas Throckmorton, showing his head from behind the arras, and laughing as if his sides would crack. 66 Hide thee, good uncle!" cried the Mayhap, if you had lost your teeth, merry Alice. "Here be another of them I could the more affect you. It seemeth coming." The old knight concealed himstrange to me you should have such mar-self as quick as he could, and as soon afvellous wisdom and yet have so many ter as might be, the door opened, and teeth. Methinks such experience as you Stephen entered ushering in Dr. Bashful. possess, should have never a tooth in his head." "In truth, fair Alice, I have that experience in spite of my teeth. Indeed, between ourselves, I expect not they will last long, for one or other of them, be ever troubling me with the most pestilent aching, tooth ever gave." "Of what age are you, my lord ?" inquired she. "I look much younger than I am," replied he, hesitating awhile to say of what age he might call himself. "Yet, though I look it not, depend on't, I am just upon thirty." 66 Just upon thirty-only just upon thirty said you!" exclaimed Alice, as if in a great astonishment. 66 Nay, I mistake-nigh upon forty, I meant," answered he quickly. 66 No more than nigh upon forty ?" cried Alice in a greater wonder than before. The young divine, after making of an awkward bow to his fair mistress, who courtesied to him, and then sat down very demurely, advanced seemingly in some sort of trepidation, to a chair at the opposite side of the fireplace and sat himself on the edge of it, putting of his hat and stick on the floor by the side of him. He spoke never a word, but looked around the room seemingly examining of everything in it with extreme curiousness. His gaze next fell upon his companion, but finding that she was looking at him,' in a moment his eyes were fixed upon the floor, and his face became of such a redness it was a marvel to see. In a minute or two he gave a sigh so profound, it did appear to have come from the very bottom of his heart, then, as if aware of what he had done, his complexion became of a deeper crimson than ever. All this time he removed not his eyes from the floor. Presently he coughed a little, like one who is about to speak. Alice thought "Now 'tis coming," thought she. "Tis a fine day, Mistress Alice," observed he, still keeping of his look upon the floor. "That is it beyond doubt," answered she, as gravely as she could. "Indeed, methinks, it be a very fine day, Mistress Alice," said the other. "Indeed, methinks so too," replied Alice. he had summoned up sufficient resolution | face was as fine a crimson as was ever to ask of her whether she would have him seen. Was she laughing at him? thought or not. Mayhap he would as soon have he. His seat felt marvellously uncomasked her to hang him. Though he had fortable. He changed his position, and come for that purpose, it was the last in a minute or so altered it again, yet felt thing he could have brought himself to do. he none the easier. Presently he heard After a bit he coughed again. sounds which had a wonderful resemblance to a suppressed tittering. At this he was more uneasy than before. He would have given anything to have been anywhere but where he was; and, if he could have done it, he would on the instant have taken himself off never to have come near the place again but it seemed to him as if he were chained to his seat. During this time his face felt like the fire beside him, and he could no more have taken his eyes from the floor than ventured to fly. To his horror the tittering became louder, and all at once he could plainly distinguish that there was some person behind the arras striving to smother his laughter, in which it was evident he succeeded not at all. The knowledge that he was brought there only to be laughed at, gave Dr. Bashful something of a preternatural desperation, so seizing of his hat and stick, with a face that seemed like to scorch his ruff, it looked so burning, and with eyes that glanced half angry and half frightened, scarce daring to look anywhere, as quick as he could, and without opening of his mouth, he darted out of the room. "Dost not think to-day be a finer day than yesterday?" inquired Dr. Bashful, with an infinite earnestness. "It hath something of the appearance of it," answered his fair companion. 66 Oh, these man-animals! what goodly fools they be," exclaimed Alice, now giving free vent to her mirth. "Thou wilt be the death of me!" cried her kinsman, holding of his sides and laughing right heartily. "That it hath certainly," said he. To this she replied not, having no answer to make; and there consequently ensued a pause of some minutes, that the young divine employed in considering of what he should say next. It was plain, upon the fineness of the day nothing more could be added. Should he speak of the appearance of the country? or rather make some observation upon Master Shakspeare's last play? or inquire after her health? or ask her opinion of the sermon he had just published? He hesitatedand knew not what to be about. What he had said had made him a little more at his ease, but the silence was becoming irksome. He began to wonder whether she was looking at him, and the very imagination of such a thing brought the "Back good uncle to your hiding," color into his cheek again. Then he said she in a whisper. "Here cometh thought he would take a look at her. Stephen with another of the lost sheep." But such was more easy to be thought And sure enough scarce had Sir Nicholas than done. He remained some moments concealed himself, when Stephen Shortbefore he could bring his mind to it. At cake ushered in Master Aniseed. He last, raising of his eyes from the floor, he was not in such fine feather as he was turned them to the corner of the room wont, for in truth the expense he had the farthest from her, and with a sort of been at in keeping the company of gay trembling in his limbs, praying, in his gallants who only cared for him as long heart, she might be looking another way, as they could fleece him at play or bor he glanced slowly round the room toward row his money, which, with a remarkable the place where she sat, to his incon- regularity they ever forgot to return, had ceivable confusion she was looking at so wasted the fortune the old miser had him, and what he liked worse than all, left him, that he saw nothing but a return there was a twinkling in her eyes that to the catching of rats unless he married made him exceeding uneasy, added to the heiress he had been so long in quest which, she was holding her handkerchief of. He knew that the result of his presto her mouth in what he thought a mon-ent interview would seal his fate, and he strous suspicious fashion. In a moment his look was fixed upon the floor as if it was nailed there, and his came with the determination of exercising all his powers of pleasing to obtain the so much desired end. 66 "Wilt prove your affection, heavenliest creature?" exclaimed Master Aniseed, sinking on one knee. "That will I, beyond the possibility of doubt," answered she. "It hath come to my uncle's ears that you are not what you have given out; and he hath it from such authority as hath proved it to his satisfaction." “Ha!” cried he, looking amazing con fused. "Ah, what ecstasy is mine!" exclaimed | a serious look upon her laughing counhe, as he advanced toward her with a tenance. mincing face and a lackadaisical air. "Here sitteth my arbitress throned like some famous goddess of old in supremest elysium, and I, of all her manifold worshippers, alone allowed to gaze my soul away upon her very infinite beauty, and find a new existence in her most absolute sweet speech. In truth, I do feel as much delight as a rat escaped from a trap." And thereupon, he took her hand very tenderly, and looked in her face as though he were about to die. "It hath been said," continued Alice, "Ah, Master Aniseed, methinks you" that instead of being one of an ancient do but flatter," observed Alice, somewhat family, as you have said, that came in coyly, as it were. with William the Conqueror, or a long time before, many of whom have been exceeding notable, you are nothing better than the son of a pitiful poor rat-catcher, and have yourself lived by the catching of rats, till a miserly kinsman left you his property, and you thought of passing yourself off for a gentleman born. Now, although the catching of rats be doubtless an honorable occupation, my uncle is in a very tearing rage with you, for not having let him know you had aught to do with it; and mayhap it shall be thought notable enough to have one's grandfather hanged for the cutting of a purse, yet my uncle is in a monstrous ugly humor with you for keeping him in ignorance you had any such in your family. Whereof the consequence is, that he hath ordered two of our serving-men, with cudgels as thick as is my arm, to wait for you upon your leaving this room, and not to leave you till they have broke every bone of your body." "Nay, by this light I do not, delectable fair creature!" cried he, with a marvellous deal of affectionateness. Believe me, I flatter none; and, least of all, could do so unto one whose incomparable delicate charms putteth all flattery at defiance. Speak, then, dainty sweet Alice! speak my doom-am I to be in the enjoyment of the extremest felicity which appertaineth to this terraqueous globe, or be thrust down in such intolerable misery as hath never been known out of Tartarus." 66 Is your family of any note, Master Aniseed?" inquired she, with as much seriousness as she could put on. At this he seemed a little confused, for he expected not such a question. "Indeed, some have been exceeding notable," replied he, at last; doubtless, at that time remembering that his grandfather had been a knight of the post of great celebrity. "Said you not the Aniseeds came in with William the Conqueror ?" asked his fair companion. "O' my life, I can not but think they came in a long time before," answered the other; although he knew nothing particular of his family beyond the hanging of his grandfather at Tyburn, for a robbery on Gad's Hill, which, as may be supposed, he liked not to tell of. "But why speak of this matter. I pride not myself on my genealogy, believe me; I care only for the incommunicable rapture I seek in the gaining of the incomparable fair Alte. Surely it seemeth in some sort a strange lack of affection in you to question me on a matter so unimportant, at a moment so critical to my exquisite sweet hopes." "Oh, Lord! oh, Lord!" exclaimed the now terrified rat-catcher, after having listened to Alice's statement with a countenance expressive of the absolutest alarm that ever was witnessed. "Oh, Mistress Alice!" continued he, now dropping on both his knees, seemingly to implore her clemency, "save me from these villanous serving-men! Everything you have said be as true as that rats will not be caught if they can help it. Save me, I pray you, Mistress Alice!" 66 They have cudgels as thick as my arm, I tell you," said she. "Oh, where can I hide me!" he cried, looking about him in a terrible frantic manner. "I heard him tell them to be particular in not leaving a bone unbroke in your whole body," replied Alice. "Alack, I shall be clean murdered ' How shall I escape? I pray you, assist "Nay, the fire would scorch me to a cinder presently," answered he, in an infinite moving voice. Is there no closet I can creep into?" And then he ran about the room distractedly, poking of his head here and there to see where he could hide himself. No, Master Aniseed, there is no place of any kind where 'twould be safe to conceal yourself in," observed the other. "Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! If ever I get myself out of this with a whole skin, I will straightway give up playing of the gentleman, and take again to the catching of rats. Oh, how can I escape?" "Canst jump out of this window ?" inquired Alice, throwing open a window that looked into the park. 66 "Tis a fearful height!" replied he, as he gazed upon the distance that lay between the room and the ground, which was some ten or twelve feet. I must needs break my neck if I attempt it." "Alack! there is my uncle's voice!" cried she. "I hear him nigh the door, urging the serving-men to enter the room and seize on you." Alice had scarce said the words when Master Aniseed, without venturing of another word, jumped himself out of the window, and finding himself unhurt when he got to the ground, he sat off at such a tearing pace that he was soon far enough out of sight. "Oh, Alice! Alice! what a mad wench thou art!" exclaimed her uncle, at her elbow, looking as if he had found wonderful amusement in what he had heard. "But how didst come to find this out?" "That it matters not you should learn, good uncle," replied she shutting down the window with an exceeding arch look. "But haste back to your hiding; there is another yet to come, who is the goodliest fool of all the lot, and methinks I hear him approaching." Sir Nicholas made two or three hasty strides and retreated to the arras. The door opening at this time, Stephen announced Sir Narcissus Wrinkles. "Ha!" cried he lustily, hitting of his hand against his leg, as soon as he stood within the door, "by Cerberus and his three heads, you look lovelier than ever I saw you. But my young blood will not allow me to stay at this distance when so tempting an object can be approached as closely as may be." And straightway flinging of his hat in a chair, he gave a short, quick run, like unto a cow's gallop, was at her side in a moment, and instantly took her hand very gallantly, with look so marvellously tender she was obliged to turn her head on one side-she could not look upon him seriously. "By Erebus and gloomy Styx!" he continued," my heart be overflowing with extreme love for you, exquisite Mistress Alice! By day you do engross my thoughts, and by night all my dreams be of you and of none other. My youth is wasted away in sighs. I shall grow old before I can well call myself a man. In truth, my delicate sweet creature, if I am not this day made as blessed as I expect to be, I can not be long for this world. I must needs die in my prime, like a bud stricken with the worm." "How is your sciatica ?" inquired Alice in some sort of earnestness. "Eh? what sayest?" asked Sir Narcissus, looking as if he was striving to appear not to understand the question. How is your sciatica, Sir Narcissus ?" repeated his merry companion still with a famous gravity. "Sciatica? sciatica? what sciatica, I pray you?" inquired the old knight, reddening a little in the face, for all his seeming to be unconcerned. "I did hear you were lately laid up with the sciatica very badly," replied she. "A good jest! By Castor and Pollux, an excellent good jest!" cried Sir Narcissus laughing, as if he really had something to laugh about, "an excellent good jest indeed. The sciatica! I have the sciatica! At my time of life too! Well, it be infinitely droll." Then he laughed again more famously than at first. "Now it is well known that for a strong back and loins there is scarce my match to be found. There, Mistress Alice-is that a back for the sciatica ?" And thereupon he turned his back upon her, which was certainly of a more than ordinary breadth. "I should like to see the sciatica which could touch such a back as that." "Methinks of late you have shown yourself monstrously afraid of stooping," observed Alice, still keeping on an exceeding seriousness. "I afraid of stooping!" cried the old knight in a seeming wonder. "By Apollo and all the Nine, better and better! Why, it can be scarce a week since, for a trifling wager with a few youths about mine own age, I did gather up a hundred stones planted a yard apart, and stooped and picked up every one separately, and did place it in a basket nigh unto the |