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And oh! whene'er the weather's friendly,
What inn at Abingdou or Henley,
But still my vast importance feels,
And gladly greets my entering wheels !
And think, obedient to the throng,
How yon gay street we smoke along :
While all with envious wonder view
The corner turn'd so quick and true.
To check an upstart's empty pride,
Thus sage the One-Horse Chair replied:
'Pray, when the consequence is weigh’d, What's all your spirit and parade? From mirth to grief what sad transitions, Ta broken bones, and impositions ! Or if po bones are broke, what's worse, Your schemes make work for Glass and Nourse*. On us pray spare your keer reproaches, From One-Horse Chairs men rise to Coaches; If calm Discretion's stedfast hand With cautious skill the reins command, From me fair Health's fresh fountain springs. O’er me soft Spugness spreads her wings : And Innocence reflects ber ray To gild my calm sequester'd way: E’en kings might quit their state to share Contentment and a One-Horse Chair.What though, o'er yonder echoing street Your rapid wheels resound so sweet; Shall Isis’ sons thus vainly prize A rattle of a larger size?'
Blagrave, who during the dispute, Stood in a corner, snug and mute,
Surpris'd, no doubt, in lofty verse
To hear his Carriages converse,
With solemn face, o’er Oxford ale,
To me disclos'd this wondrous tale :
I straight dispatch'd it to the Muse,
Who brush'd it up for Jackson's news,
And, what has oft been penn'd io prose,
Added this moral at the close :
Things may be useful, thongh obscure;
The pace that's slow is often sure :
When empty pageantries we prize,
We raise but dust to blind our eyes.
The Golden Mean can best bestow
Safety for unsubstantial show.” T. Warton.
THE PROGRESS OF DISCONTENT. When now mature in classic knowledge, The joyful youth is sent to college, His father comes, a vicar plain, At Oxford bred, in Apna's reign, And thus, in form of humble suitor, Bowing accosts a reverend tutor: "Sir, I'm a Glo'stershire divine, And this my eldest son of nine; My wife's ambition and my own Was that this child should wear a gown; I'll warrant that his good behaviour Will justify your future favour; And, for his parts, to tell the truth, My son's a very forward youth ; Has Horace all by heart-you'd wonderAnd mouth's out Homer's Greek like thunder.
If you'd examine--and admit him,
A scholarship would nicely fit him;
That he succeeds 'tis ten to one;
Your vote and interest, sir!'-'Tis done.
Our pupil's hopes, though twice defeated,
Are with a scholarship completed :
A scholarship but half maintains,
And college-rules are heavy chains :
In garret dark he smokes and puns,
A prey to discipline and duns;
And now, intent on new designs,
Sighs for a fellowship-and fines.
When nine full tedious winters past,
That utmost wish is crown'd at last:
But the rich prize no sooner got,
Again he quarrels with his lot:
• These fellowships are pretty things,
We live indeed like petty kings :
Bat who can bear to waste his whole age
Amid the dulness of a college,
Debarrd the common joys of life,
And that prime bliss-a loving wife!
O! what's a table richly spread,
Without a woman at its head!
Would some snug benefice but fall,
Ye feasts, ye dinners ! farewell all!
To offices I'd bid adieu,
Of Dean, Vice Præs.-of Bursar too;
Come joys, that rural quiet yields,
Come, tythes, and house, and fruitful fields !
Too fond of freedom and of ease
A patron's vanity to please,
Long time he watches, and, by stealth,
Each frail incumbent's doubtful healtlı;
At length, and in his fortieth year,
A living drops-two hundred clear!
With breast elate beyond expression,
He hurries down to take possession,
With rapture views the sweet retreat-
• What a convenient house ! how neat!
For fuel here's sufficient wood:
Pray God the cellars may be good!
The garden—that must be new plann'd-
Shall these old-fashion'd yew-trees stand?
O’er yonder vacant plot shall rise
The flowery shrub of thousand dies :
Yon wall, that feels the southern ray,
Shall blush with ruddy fruitage gay:
While thick beneath its aspect warm
O'er well-rang'd hives the bees shall swarm,
From which, ere long, of golden gleam
Metheglin's luscious juice shall stream :
This awkward hnt, o'ergrown with ivy,
We'll alter to a modern privy:
Up yon green slope of hazels trim,
An avenue so cool and dim
Shall to an harbour, at the end,
In spite of gout, entice a friend.
My predecessor lov'd devotion-
But of a garden had no notion.'
Continuing this fantastic farce on,
He now commences country parson.
To make his character entire,
He weds-a cousin of the 'Squire :
Not over weighty in the purse,
But many doctors have done worse :
And though she boasts no charms divine,
Yet she can carve and make birch wine.
Thas fix'd, content he taps his barrel,
Exhorts his neighbours not to quarrel;
Finds his church wardens have discerning
Both in good liquor and good learning i
With tythes his barns replete he sees,
And chuckles o'er his surplice fees;
Studies to find out latent dues,
And regulates the state of pews;
Rides a sleek mare with purple housing,
To share the monthly club's carousing;
Of Oxford pranks facetious tells,
And—but on Sundays-hears no bells;
Sends presents of his choicest fruit,
And prunes himself each sapless shoot;
Plants cauliflow'rs, and boasts to rear
The earliest melons of the year;
Thinks alteration charming work is,
Keeps Bautam cocks, and feeds his turkeys:
Builds in his copse à favourite bench,
And stores the pond with carp and tench.-
But ah! too soon his thoughtless breast
By cares domestic is oppress’d;
And a third butcher's bill, and brewing,
Threaten inevitable ruin :
For children fresh expenses yet,
And Dicky now for school is fit.
"Why did I sell my college life,'
He cries, 'for benefice and wife ?
Return, ye days, when endless pleasure
I found in reading, or in leisure!
When calm around the common room
I puff d my daily pipe's perfume !
Rode for a stomach, and inspected,
At annual bottlings, corks selected :