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This priest he merry is, and bly the
Three quarters of a year,
When tithing time draws near.
He then is full of fright and fears,
As one at point to die,
He beaves up many à sigh.
For then the farmers come jog, jog,
Along the miry road,
To make their payments good.
In sooth, the sorrow of such days
Is not to be express'd, When he that takes and he that pays
Are both alike distress'd.
Now all unwelcome at his gates
The clumsy swains alight,
He trembles at the sight.
And well he may, for well he knows
Each bumpkin of the clan, Instead of paying what he owes,
Will cheat him if he can.
So in they come-each makes his leg,
And flings his head before, And looks as if he came to beg,
And not to quit a score.
And how does miss and madam do, si in 411
The little boy and all? : "All tight and well. And how do you,
Good Mr. What-d'ye-call?
The dinner comes, and down they sit:
Were e'er such bungry folk? There's little talking, and no wit;
It is no time to joke.
One wipes his nose upon his sleeve,
One spits upon the floor,
Holds up the cloth before.
The punch goes round, and they are dall,
And lumpish still as ever ;
They only weigh the heavier.
At length the busy time begins.
Come, neighbours, we must wag
Each lugging out his bag.
One talks of mildew and of frost,
And oue of storms of hail,
By maggots at the tail.
Quoth one, 'A rarer man than you
In pulpit none shall hear:
You sell it playny dear.'
O why are farmers made so coarse,
Or clergy made so fine?
May kill a sound divine.
Then let the boobies stay at home;
"Twould cost him, I dare say, Less trouble takiug twice the sam,
Without the clowns that pay.
REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE, NOT TO BE
FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS. BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose,
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong; The point in dispute was,'as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong. So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of
learning; While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning. *In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear, [find,
And your lordship,' he said, ' will undoubtedly That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind.' Then holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a
straddle, As wide as the ridge of the nose is; in short,
Design’d to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
'Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happen’d, and may be again) That the visage or countenance had not a Nose, Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles
then? On the whole it appears, and my argument shows With a reasoning, the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.' Then shifting his side, (as a lawyer knows how)
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes : But what were his arguments few people know, For the court did not think they were equally
So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but-That, whenever the Nose put his spectacles on, By daylight or candlelight-Eyes should be shut!
(But in what chapter, page, or line,
Both view'd at once with greedy eyes,
Actions on actions hence succeed,
Each hero's obstinately stout,
Green bags and parchments fly abont, Pleadings are drawn, and counsel feed. The parson of the place, good man!
Whose kind and charitable heart
In human ills still bore a part,
I'll soon decide th' important suit,
Gulps the contested trifle up,
Your oyster's good as e'er was eat;
I thank you for my dainty treat; God bless you both, and live in peace.'
From this learn common sense ;
For ev'ry slight offence.
That on your substance feed;