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• Sir, don't be dishearten'd, although it be true, Th’ operation is painful, and hazardous too, 'Tis no more than what mapy a man has gone
through; And then, as for years, you may yet be call'd young, Your life after this may be happy and long.' " Don't flatter me, Tom,' was the father's reply, With a jest in his mouth and a tear in his eye, • Too well by experience my vessels, thou know'st, No sooner are tapp'd, but they give up the ghost!'
THE BREWER'S COACHMAN, Honest William, an easy and good-natar'd fellow, Would a little too oft get a little too mellow. Body coachman was he to an eminent brewer No better e'er sat on a box to be sore. His coach was kept clean, and no mothers or purses Took that care of their babes that he took of his
horses. He had these—ay, and fifty good qualities more, But the business of tippling could ne'er be got o'er. So his master effectually mended the matter, By hiring a man who drank nothing but water.
Now, William,' says he, ' you see the plain case; Had you drank as he does, you had kept a good place.'
[so, • Drink water!' quoth William had all men done You'd never have wanted a coachmao, I trow. They're soakers, like me, whom you load with re
proaches, That enable you brewers to ride in your coaches.'
QUOD PETIS, HIC EST: OR, THE TANKARD. No plate had John and Joan'to hoard,
Plain folk in humble plight;
And that was fill'd each night :
In pride of chubby grace,
A baby's angel-face.
But Joan was not like John;
She swillid till all was gone.
But she ne'er chang’d a jot,
And therefore drain’d the pot.
Another card he play'd ;
He got a devil portray'd.
Joan saw the horns, Joan saw the tail,
Yet Joan as stontly quaff'd; And ever as she seiz'd her ale,
She clear'd it at a dranght.
Jolin star'd, with wonder petrified,
His hair stood on his pate;
• At this enormous rate?' VOL. v.
• Oh! John,' she said, am I to blame?
I can't, in conscience, stop :
To leave the Devil a drop! Anonymous.
POLITENESS; OR, THE CAT-O'NINE-TAILS:
As they approach'd the common's side,
But if so be, sir, you will go
• With cat-o’nine-tails! oh,' cried Jerry, That I were safe at Edmund's Bury!'
Our 'squire spurr'd on, as clown directed; This offer might not be rejected: Poor Jerry's prayers could not dissuade. The 'squire, more curious than afraid, Arrives, and rings; the footman runs ; The master, with his wife and sons, Descend the hall, and bid him enter; Give him dry clothes, and beg he'll venture To take a glass of Coniac brandy: And he, who hated words to handy In idle complimentary speeches, The brandy took, and eke the breeches.
The liquor drank, the garments chang'd, The family round the fire arrang’d,
The mistress begg'd to know, if he
Tea ended, once again our host
• Well said! now while it's getting ready, We two, my eldest son, and lady, Will take a hand at Whist?'—' Agreed ! And soon they cut for deal, and lead.
But now to crimp my lengthen'd tale, Whether the 'squire drank wine or ale, Or how he slept, or what he said, Or how much gave to man and maid ; Or what the while became of Jerry, 'Mong footmen blithe, and maidens merry ; Description here we can't admit, For brevity's the soul of wit. Suffice to say, the morn arriv'd, Jerry, of senses half depriv'd, Horses from stable saw led out, Trembled, and skulk'd, and peer'd about,