plead guilty, in hope of mercy; because I do not confefs to an inexorable judge, but to an indulgent father. And thus, my foul, let me fhew the truth of my repentance, in not resetting the adverfaries of the Lord; nor refufing to make fad confeffions of my foul tranfgreffions, when, alas, I can offer no other reparation, but in fuch felf-accufation. Thus let me confound the accufer of the brethren, in being aforehand with him, and leaving him nothing to alledge against me, but what I have first preached of myself. Thus let me give glory to God, in taking all the fhame to myfelf; and entitle myself to his promifed mercy, in acknowledging my iniquity, Jer. iii. 12, 13. Yea thus will I pour out my heavy heart, and eafe my oppreffed mind, when my fpirit is overwhelmed within me; and throw up the hook of guilt, which I have fwallowed, with the tempter's bait; and grub up the very root of bitternefs, upon which grows all my difcomfort. O fweet confef fion! how fottifh are the finners, that look upon thee with an evil eye; and ftand off from thee, as a grie vous remedy? when thou art, indeed, the way of peace and heart's-eafe, and heavenly refreshment. Thou shalt not ftick on my ftomach, as a tedious tafk, and heavy impofition; I will not hide and ftifle my fins, to keep them feftering and rankling in my foul, but will gladly catch hold of the gracious privilege; thus to remove the ground of my trouble; and think of no other way to purge myfelf, but in telling all the worst, that I know by myself, and caft it out from me; that it may not lie upon me. Thus fhall I obtain mercy, even the mercy that blots out all iniquity. And where my fin has abounded, I shall find grace much more to abound? even the free grace of God, in our Lord Jefus Chrift. THE THE PRAYER. Cannot but acknowledge to thee, O God, how ill I have carried, and how bad it is with me. "And fuch confeffions of my fins, thou mightest "take for evidences against my foul, to condemn "me, even out of my own mouth. But praised be "thy mercy, that I may confefs in hope, and not in "defpair. And O that I may do it with fo deep a "fenfe of my fins and forrow for them, and difplea"sure at them, and indignation against them; that I may not go over the mention of them, as a tale "that is told; but may be in bitterness, and broken, "and contrite, as I ought to be. And the fins, "which I charge upon myself, O gracious Father, "lay them not to my charge; but fee them punish"ed, and atoned for, in the precious death, and the "infinite fatisfaction of my bleffed Saviour, Jefus *Chrift. Amen.". MEDITATION LXIX. My foul, for thy fake it is that I faft. To ligh ten thy clog, and give thee more refpite, and better advantage, to get up and foar above. It is only an inftrumental duty, not to be used only for itself; but to serve other ends, even when the neceffity of my cafe calls for it; or the business of my religion and falvation is to be promoted by it. Then am am I to fequefter myself from bodily delights, and worldly occafions, for the more folemn attendance upon my God, and giving of my mind to things fpiritual and heavenly; teaching my body to be fubject; knowing how to want, as well as how to a bound; and depriving myself of those comforts voluntarily, whereof (for my foul abusing them) I de ferve to be deprived utterly. Nor taking from the belly, to put into the purfe: but beftowing upon others, what I fpare from myfelf, and as I afflict my own flesh, so refreshing that of my poor brethren, It is not to faft for oftentation, that I may be thought more excellent than others: that were to be proud of taking phyfic; and to exalt myfelf, upon the very thing which fhould humble me. It is not to think of fatisfying for all my breaches of God's laws, by now and then breaking my meals. It is not to turn luxury into morofity, and devour my neigh. bours instead of my meat. It is not to turn my tongue from dabbling in dishes and feftivity; to roll in vain chat, and wanton drollery. Nor is it to ex change one fort of delicacies, for another: to be fuperftitious in abstaining from this kind; and take as much as I lift of that, which may be called the interlude, rather than the exercife of fafting. O my foul, I muft not only distinguish myself, from the licentious in eating, but in living. For to what purpose do I forbear eating and drinking; when I am drunk with paffion, or full of ungodly lufts? fo the devils eat nothing, yet never ceafe to do evil. But the faft that turns to any good account, muft break my ftu born will, and ftarve filthy defires, and reform ill manners, and advance me in the way to heavenly pleasures; if I would find the bleffed exchange of my common meat, for that which the world knows not of, enduring to everlafting life. It muft abafe me, in the fenfe of my finful vilenefs; not only to make me hang down my head like a bulrush, but to bow down down my very heart within me. It muft not give me a ftudied face; but a contrite fpirit, and a forrowful foul; mourning, and taking a kind of vengeance upon myfelf, for all that I have done against the Lord. It muft awe me with his holy fear; under the apprehenfion of his deserved judgments. And thus tying up of myself, muft loose the bands of wickednels; and pluck up my fins by the roots. For what does it fignify, to refufe my daily bread; when I drink in iniquity like water, and commit uncleanness with greedinefs? how abfurd, to mourn for doing that, which ftill I go on to do as if I grieved not that I had been guilty of it; but only that I am called to break off from it; fcrupulous, what goes into my mouth; but careless what comes out: not a bit of flesh, yet do all the works of the flefh! pretend to fall out with myself, but fall foul upon o thers! not ftretch out my hand, to take a morfel but lift it up, to fmite with the fift of wickedness! nay, to be more boldly wicked, because i have faft ed; and turn to my vomit the more eager, because I have taken fo much pains to caft it out! O my foul, this is not only to play with the means of grace; but most desperately to profane them. It is not then, how much I do this way, but what good it does; if by lofing my meals, I get ground of my fins; and by what my belly has wanted, my religion has gained; if my faring the worse, makes me live the better, and what I make my body fuffer, helps my foul to profper. Yet must none of the abuses fcare me from the ufe. For they that have the greateft need of it, commonly do the leaft of all at it, and pretend care of their health; when it is indeed only the love of their ease, that keeps them from it. But O what members are they of the church militant, who scarce know what it is to want a meal, or to watch an hour, upon the religious account? what chriftian warriors, warriors, that will never endure any hardness, as good foldiers of Jefus Chrift? O how do we forget our fins and ourfelves, when we think to have all guady days, and no bitter with the fweet? when as ploughing and harrowing, are in order to a comfortable harveft; and the sowing in tears, does but make way for the reaping in joy. Let me then gird inyfelf to the work; and take care to make fomewhat of it, that my labour may not be loft; when my ftrictness one way, breaks out into licentoufnefs another. Let me keep my body in fit case, to serve my foul, in the fervice of my God; namely, neither below nor above its business. Let me macerate and leffen myself, enough to get out of the tempter's fnare. And when luft glows and rages, instead of throwing oil in the flames, let me withdraw the fuel that feeds them; and not think much of lof ing a meal to fave my foul. But let me obferve a diet of temperance even all my life, and add a total abstinence, even every proper exigence, not fhrink. ing at a little trouble by the way; to prevent the bitterness in the latter end. Remembering, that they who faft and mourn now in the bridegroom's ab fence, fhall rejoice with him eternally at his return, and then feaft, and faft no more; when the days of their mourning shall be ended, and they fhall be filled -with the best of all pleafures in his prefence for e vermore, 66 I THE PRAYER. Muit acknowledge, O Lord, to the humbling of my foul, for provoking thee, and to the glory "of thy compaffion, in fparing me, the great guilt "that I have contracted, in making provision for the "flesh, to fulfil its lufts, spending my time and care, "and pains and coft, to feed the fleshly lufts, that "war against my foul, as if all my felicity lay in pleafing |