1659. I had waited till I was uneafie, for lofing fo much time; having entred into Reafonings with Flesh and Blood, the Weakness prevailed over me, and away I went the back Way: which brought Trouble and Grief upon my Spirit, for having fhunned the Crofs.

But the Lord looked on me with a tender Eye; and feeing my Heart was right to him, and that what I had done was meerly through Weakness, and Fear of Falling, and that I was fenfible of my Failing therein, and forry for it: he was graciously pleafed to pafs it by, and speak Peace to me again. So that, before I got home, as when I went in the Morning, my Heart was full of Breathing Prayer to the Lord, that he would vouchfafe to be with me, and uphold and carry me through that Days Exercise : So now at my Return in the Evening, my Heart was full of thankful Acknowledgments, and Praises unto Him, for his great Goodnefs and Favour to me, in having thus far preferved, and kept me from falling into any thing that might have brought Difhonour to his Holy Name, which I had now taken on me.

But not withstanding that it was thus with me, and that I found Peace and Acceptance with the Lord in fome good degree, according to my Obedience to the Convictions I had received, by his Holy Spirit in me: yet was not the Vail fo done away, or fully rent, but that there still remained a Cloud upon my Underftanding, with refpect to my Carriage towards my Father. And that Notion, which the Ene

my

my had brought into my Mind, That I ought to 1659. put fuch a Difference between him all others, as that, on the Account of Paternal Relation, I should fill deport my felf towards him, both in Gesture and Language, as I had always heretofore done; did yet prevail with me. So that when I came home, I went to my Father bare-headed, as I used to do; and gave him a particular Account of the Business he had given me in Command, in fuch manner, that he, obferving no alteration in my Carriage towards him, found no Cause to take Offence at me.

I had felt for fometime before, an earnest Defire of Mind to go again to Ifaac Penington's. And I began to question whether, when my Father fhould come (as I concluded e're long he would) to understand I enclined to fettle among the People called Quakers, he would permit me the Command of his Horfes, as before. Wherefore, in the Morning when I went to Oxford, I gave Direction to a Servant of his, to go that Day to a Gentleman of my Acquaintance (who I knew had a Riding Nag to put off, either by Sale, or to be kept for his Work;) and defire him, in my Name, to fend him to me; which he did, and I found him in the Stable, when I came home.

On this Nag I designed to ride next Day to Ifaac Penington's: and in order thereunto, arose betimes and got my felf ready for the Journey. But because I would pay all due Refpects to my Father, and not go without his Confent, or Knowledge at the leaft, I fent one up to him E 2

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1659 (for he was not yet ftirring) to acquaint him, that I had a Purpose to go to Ifaac Peuington's; and defired to know if he pleased to Command me any Service to them. He fent me Word, He would speak with me before I went; and would have me come up to him: which I did; and stood by his Bed-Side.

Then in a mild and gentle Tone, he said, I understand you have a Mind to go to Mr. Penington's. I anfwered, I have fo. Why, faid he, I wonder why you should. You were there, you know, but a few Days ago; and unleẞ you had Bufines with them, don't you think it will look odly? I faid, I I thought not. I doubt, faid he, You'll tire them with your Company, and make them think they shall be troubled with you. If, replyed I, I find any thing of that, I'll make the fhorter Stay. But, faid he, can you propose any fort of Busineß with them, more than a meer Vifit? Yes, faid I, I propose to my self not only to fee them ; but to have fome Difcourfe with them. Why, faid he (in a Tone a little Harfher) I hope you don't encline to be of their Way. Truly, anfwered I, I like them, and their Way, very well; fo far as yet understand it and I am willing to Go to them, that I may understand it better.

I

Thereupon he began to reckon up a Bead-1 Roll of Faults against the Quakers; Telling me They were a rude unmannerly People, that would not give Civil Respect or Honour to their Superiors; no not to Magiftrates: That they held many dangerous Principles: That they were an immodeft, Jhameles People; and that one of them ftrip't him

Self

Jelf ftark-naked, and went in that unseemly manner 1659. about the Streets, at Fairs, and on Market-days in great Towns.

To all the other Charges, I anfwered only, That perhaps they might be either mifreported, or misunderstood, as the beft of People had sometimes been. But to the laft Charge, of Going Naked, a particular Anfwer, by way of Inftance, was just then brought into my Mind, and put into my Mouth, which I had not thought of before: and that was the Example of Ifaiah, who went Naked, among the People, for a long time, (Ifai. 20. 4.) Aye, faid my Father, but you must confider, that He was a Prophet of the Lord, and had an exprefs Command from God to Go fo. Yes, Sir, replied I, I do confider that: but I confider alfo, that the Jews among whom he lived, did not own him for a Prophet, nor believe that he had fuch a Command from God. And, added I, how know we but that this Quaker may be a Prophet too, and might be commanded to do as he did, for fome Reason which we understand not.

This put my Father to a ftand; fo that letting fall his Charges against the Quakers, he only faid, I would wish you not to go fo foon; but take a little time to confider of it: you may Vifit Mr. Penington hereafter, Nay, Sir, replied I, Pray don't hinder my going now: for I have fo ftrong a Defire to go, that I do not well know how to forbear. And as I fpake thofe Words, I withdrew gently to the Chamber-Door; and then haftning down Stairs, went immediately

1659 to the Stable: where finding my Horse ready Bridled, I forthwith mounted, and went off; left I fhould receive a Countermand.

This Difcourfe with my Father had caft me somewhat back in my Journey, and it being Fifteen long Miles thither, the Ways bad, and my Nag but fmall: it was in the Afternoon that I got thither. And understanding by the Servant that took my Horfe, that there was then a Meeting in the Houfe (as there was Weekly on that Day, which was the Fourth Day of the Week, though I, till then, underfood it not) I haftened in; and knowing the Rooms, went directly to the Little Parlour, where I found a few Friends fitting together in Silence and I fate down among them, well fatisfied, though without Words.

When the Meeting was ended, and those of the Company, who were Strangers, withdrawn, I addreffed my felf to Ifaac Penington and his Wife, who received me courteoufly: but not knowing what Exercise I had been in, and yet was under, nor having heard any thing of me, fince I had been there before, in another Garb, were not forward at first to lay fuddain Hands on me; which I obferved, and did not diflike. But as they came to fee a Change in me, not in Habit only, but in Gesture, Speech and Carriage, and which was more, in Countenance alfo: (for the Exercife I had paffed through, and yet was under, had imprinted a visible Character of Gravity upon my Face ;) they were exceeding kind, and tender towards me.

There