sinners in scripture ascribing their conversion to their own strength or merit. As no apostle was so Godmagnifying, so none was so self-vilifying as Paul; though he was the greatest apostle, yet he accounts himself less than the least of all saints, Eph. 3. 8. Unto me who am less than the least of all saints. Surely he might have put himself equal to the least, it would have been great humility to do so; but he is more humble than so, even less than the least; less even than him who was only fit to be a door-keeper in the house of God. And he esteems himself not only unworthy of the office of an apostle, but of the very name; Not worthy, 1 Cor. 15. 9, not only to be, but to be called an apostle. And why? because of his former sin; because I persecuted the church of God. The remembrance of his great sin before his conversion, kept him humble. And, in ver. 10, when he had a little boasted of his abundant labour, he checks himself presently, Yet not I, but the grace of God. He attributes his very being as a christian, as well as his actions to the same cause, viz. the grace of God; by grace I am what I am. So Gal. 1. 16, how doth Paul attribute to grace; pleased by his grace, reveal; revelation, not acquisition.

5. Bewailing of sin and self-abhorrence for it. When men are first translated out of darkness into the kingdom of Christ, and begin to know Christ truly, the ways of their former ignorance are very bitter and uncouth things unto them. The very disproportion and unsuitableness of them to the sweetness of that grace, which now they taste from the hand of Jesus, is an offence to them, and hateful to their thoughts. Therefore the more sin a man hath run into before his return to God, the more he sees the vileness of his own nature, and consequently the more he abhors himself, Then shall you remember your iniquities, and shall loathe yourselves, Ezek. 36. 31. When? ver. 29, when God had accomplished the proniise of saving them from all their uncleanness.

They shall remember with abhorrency what was their own sin, and shall enjoy what is purely God's. The time of pardoning great sins, is the time of great selfloathing; such prove the holiest persons, because they have had more experience of the evil of sin.

Such are ashamed of their sins, not only at the instant of their conversion, but afterwards, every time they remember them; What fruit had you then in those things whereof you are now ashamed, Rom. 6. 21. Now, at that time, when Paul writ to them; the very shame of their sins stuck upon them, though they had been converted before. The more they grew in the experimental knowledge of God and his goodness, the more a holy shame for sins committed in their natural condition was stirred in their consciences; and they could not but blush every time they considered how dirty they had been towards God. Now the greater the shame, the greater the hatred of the occasion of that shame, and the more exact the watchfulness against it. As a man that hath fallen into some slough by some stumble or oversight, when he travels that way again, he cannot but remember what a pickle he was in, and will be watchful lest he meet with the same mishap. Whose heart was more melted by mercy than Mary Magdalen's? All the pharisees that Christ converted never rained such showers of tears; how she used all her instruments of sin to be servants to her repentance! Her eyes, which had inflamed so many hearts, been snares to catch men, she makes the conduits to convey her penitential tears to her Saviour's feet. Her hair, which had engrossed so much time in the curiosity of dresses, she uses as a towel to wipe them. The ointment she had used for the tricking up herself, to gratify the senses of her lovers, she pours out to embalm her Lord. Her lusts should have no more of her choicest things, but her Saviour should have all. She would keep them not so much for her own use, as his.

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6. Faith and dependance. (1.) At present in the

instant of the first act of faith. Great sins make us appear in the court of justification, sub forma impii, with a naked faith, when we have nothing to merit it, but much to deserve the contrary; Believes on him that justifies the ungodly, Rom. 4. 5. The more ungodly, the more elevated is that faith which lays hold on God. Thomas's unbelief was very black, for he had refused to give credit to all the testimonies of the disciples concerning Christ's resurrection; but when he was sensible of his crime, and so kindly dealt with by his Saviour, he puts forth a stronger act of faith than any of the rest; My Lord, and my God, John 20 28. His faith was not satisfied with a single my: he gives him more honourable titles, and his heart grasps him more closely and affectionately than any of the

rest.

The man that was born blind, and cured by Christ, owns him, acts some faith before the pharisees; If this man were not of God, he could do nothing, John 9. 33. And he said, I believe, ver. 39, and he worshipped him. But when Christ comes to talk with him particularly, ver. 36, 37, 38, he believes. When Christ comes to talk with a great sinner, one that hath had diseases naturally incurable, he exerts á stronger faith than others. It is then, Lord, I believe, and it is a faith accompanied with an adoration.

(2.) In following occasions. Pardoning such great sins, and converting such great sinners, is the best credential letter Christ brings with him from heaven; men naturally would scarce believe for his own sake, but for his work's sake they would; because they are more led by sense than faith. This Christ knew, when he bids his disciples believe him for the work's sake, that he was sent by God, and that they are unanimous in this work of grace as well as in other works; Believe me, that I am in the Father, and the Father in me, or else believe me for the very work's sake, John 14. 11. Therefore those that have been partakers of this converting grace, if they stagger, and

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doubt afterwards, they give the greatest affront to Christ.

For their unbelief is not only against his person, but against his work too. That he has far more reason to say to such, than he did to his disciples, How long shall I be with you, &c. Matt. 17. 17; what should I stay to do such great works as these, and cannot be believed? Such great sins pardoned, and escaped, make men take faster hold of Christ afterward. As a man that hath lately got out of a deep lake, wherein there were many serpents, crocodiles, and venomous creatures, which he has escaped, and has no sanctuary to protect him from their fury, but by hanging upon a small bough; when he looks down upon them, and sees them gaping for him, and ready to devour him, if he were within their reach, he would summon up all his strength to hold fast that branch. In such a day will the branch of the Lord also be beautiful and glorious.

Certainly, when the soul went out to Christ in so desperate a condition, with the load of guilt and discouragement upon it, and resolved to venture upon him, come what would of it, and found success; as it was the boldest adventure, which the scripture frequently calls boldness, so it is the greatest encouragement to come to Christ upon any occasion whatsosoever hereafter. This first act of faith is of so noble and generous a quality, that it is set as the copy of all following acts of faith; Beginning of your confidence, Heb. 3. 14; apkrw; the primary act of faith, which was the principal act of confidence. Though there is a greater strength in the habit of faith after conversion, yet the first exercise of it upon Christ is the boldest and most vigorous, because it was for the saving the life, when the soul saw no recovery any way but in Christ; and the most noble, when it was under the discouragements of such mountains of guilt.

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It also gave Christ the greatest honour for it was an act of greater confidence in him than any succeeding act could be. Now if thou didst put forth such a high and daring act of faith, when all thy sins hung about thee, and thou hadst neither a Hur or Aaron to hold up thy hands, with much more confidence mayest thou come now, since thou hast tried how successful thy first faith has been. So when temptations assault thee, and the devil with all his black legions besets thee round, thou art not in a worse condition than at the first, when all thy sins did not only besiege thee, but possess thee; well may such a soul say, If I acted faith when the devil had all the strong holds in me, at the worst; now it is but to start out, and exercise the power of that first faith.

(3.) In case of corruptions likewise, and unmastered sins: I have great corruptions, but the power which raised Christ, raised me, when I had greater stones upon me, wherewith I had even wearied God himself; and now when I have fewer, though they are too great still, shall I despair of that power which wrought greater miracles for me, and threw away my grave-stones, when I was not able to stir myself?

(4.) So in case of desertion. I will venture to go to God, let him frown and strike; for I am sure I did once go to him when I was his absolute sworn enemy, and he had not a greater hater of him in the world than I was, and he did receive me; I am not worse now than I was at that time; for I love him, and would do all that I can to please him; therefore I will press into his presence now, and try the success of my first faith. Such men's faith is usually a more generous faith, because they have less of the principle of reason to support it. It is like that of Abraham's, a believing in hope against hope, Rom. 4. 18.. A faith against mighty and mountainous opposition of high and mighty sins, that might scare a man from such acts of faith, and establish a diffidence of

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