Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature, Nide 2

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Edward Tuckerman Mason
G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1886
 

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Sivu 60 - The times have been That, when the brains were out, the man would die, And there an end ; but now they rise again, With twenty mortal murders on their crowns, And push us from our stools.
Sivu 220 - Smiley a look, as much as to say his heart was broke, and it was his fault, for putting up a dog that hadn't no hind legs for him to take holt of, which was his main dependence in a fight, and then he limped off a piece and laid down and died. It was a good pup, was that Andrew Jackson, and would have...
Sivu 219 - ... like the furnaces. And a dog might tackle him and bullyrag him, and bite him, and throw him over his shoulder two or three times, and Andrew Jackson — which was the name of the pup — Andrew Jackson would never let on but what he was satisfied, and hadn't expected nothing...
Sivu 220 - He ketched a frog one day, and took him home, and said he cal'lated to educate him ; and so he never done nothing for three months but set in his back yard and learn that frog to jump. And you bet you he did learn him, too. He'd give him a little punch behind, and the next minute you'd see that frog whirling in the air like a doughnut — see him turn one summerset, or...
Sivu 220 - I know it, because he hadn't no opportunities to speak of, and it don't stand to reason that a dog could make such a fight as he could under them circumstances if he hadn't no talent. It always makes me feel sorry when I think of that last fight of his'n, and the way it turned out. "Well...
Sivu 217 - ... that straddle-bug to Mexico but what he would find out where he was bound for and how long he was on the road. Lots of the boys here has seen that Smiley, and can tell you about him. Why, it never made no difference to him — he'd bet on any thing — the dangdest feller.
Sivu 215 - Leonidas W. Smiley, I would feel under many obligations to him. Simon Wheeler backed me into a corner and blockaded me there with his chair, and then sat down and reeled off the monotonous narrative which follows this paragraph.
Sivu 224 - Frenchman, but it warn't no use — he couldn't budge; he was planted as solid as a church, and he couldn't no more stir than if he was anchored out. Smiley was a good deal surprised, and he was disgusted, too, but he didn't have no idea what the matter was, of course. The feller took the money and started away; and when he was going out at the door he sorter jerked his thumb over his shoulder — so — at Dan'l, and says again, very deliberate: "Well," he says, "I don't see no p'ints about that...
Sivu 215 - ... initial sentence, he never betrayed the slightest suspicion of enthusiasm, but all through the interminable narrative there ran a vein of impressive earnestness and sincerity which showed me plainly that, so far from his imagining that there was anything ridiculous or funny about his story, he regarded it as a really important matter and admired its two heroes as men of transcendent genius in .finesse.
Sivu 223 - Well, I'm only a stranger here, and I ain't got no frog; but if I had a frog I'd bet you." And then Smiley says, "That's all right — that's all right — if you'll hold my box a minute I'll go and get you a frog.

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