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N° 85. TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1709.
From my own Apartment, October 24. My brother Tranquillus, who is a man of business, came to me this morning into my study, and after many very civil expressions in return for what good offices I had done him, told me,
“ he desired to carry his wife, my sister, that very morning, to his own house." I readily told him, “ I would wait
upon him,” without asking why he was so impatient to rob us of his good company.
He went out of my chamber, and I thought seemed to have a little heaviness upon him, which gave me some disquiet. Soon after my sister came to me, very matron-like air, and most sedate satisfaction in her looks, which spoke her very much at ease; but the traces of her countenance seemed to discover that she had been lately in a passion, and that air of content to flow from a certain triumph upon some advantage obtained. She no sooner sat down by me, but I perceived she was one of those ladies who begin to be managers within the time of their being brides.-Without letting her speak, which I saw she had a mighty inclination to do, I said, “ Here
6 for you
has been your husband, who tells me he has a mind to go home this very morning, and I have consented to it.” “ It is well," said she, must know- “ Nay, Jenny," said I, “ I beg your pardon, for it is you must know-You are to understand, that now is the time to fix or alienate your husband's heart for ever; and I fear you have been a little indiscreet in your expressions or behaviour towards him, even here in my house." “ There has,” says she, “ been some words : but I will be judged by you if he was not in the wrong: nay,
need not be judged by any body, for he gave it up himself, and said not a word when he saw me grow passionate, but, · Madam, you are perfectly in the right of it:' as you shall judge. Nay, Madam," said I, “ I am judge already, and tell you, that you are perfectly in the wrong of it; for if it was a matter of importance, I know he has better sense than you ; if a trifle, you know what I told you on your wedding-day, that you were to be above little provocations." She knows very well I can be sour upon occasion, therefore gave me leave to go on.
Sister," said I,“ I will not enter into the dispute between you, which I find his prudence put an end to before it came to extremity; but charge you to have a care of the first quarrel, as you tender your happiness; for then it is that the mind will reflect harshly upon every circumstance that has ever passed between you. If such an accident is ever to happen, which I hope never will, be sure to keep to the circumstance before you ; make no allusions to what is passed, or conclusions referring to what is to come : do not show an hoard. of matter for dissention in
breast; but, if it is necessary, lay before him the thing as you understand it, candidly, without being ashamed of acknowledging an error,
or proud of being in the right. If a young couple be not careful in this point, they will get into an habit of wrangling: and when to displease is thought of no consequence, to please is always of as little moment. There is a play, Jenny, I have formerly been at when I was a student: we got into a dark corner with a porringer of brandy, and threw raisins into it, then set it on fire. My chamber-fellow and I diverted ourselves with the sport of venturing our fingers for the raisins; and the wantonness of the thing was to see each other look like a dæmon, as we burnt ourselves, and snatched out the fruit. This fantastical mirth was called SnapDragon. You may go into many a family, where you see the man and wife at this sport; every word at their table alludes to some passage between themselves; and you see by the paleness and emotion in their countenances, that it is for your sake, and not their own, that they forbear playing out the whole game in burning each other's fingers. In this case, the whole purpose of life is inverted, and the ambition turns upon a certain contention, who shall contradict best, and not upon an inclination to excel in kindness and good offices. Therefore, dear Jenny, remember me, and avoid Snap-Dragon.” “ I thank you, brother,” said she, but
do not know bow he loves me; I find I can do any thing with him.”—“ If you can so, why should you desire to do any thing but please him? but I have a word or two more before you go out of the room ; for I see you do not like the subject I am upon : let nothing provoke you to fall upon an imperfection he cannot help; for, if he has a resenting spirit, he will think your aversion as immoveable as the imperfection with which you upbraid him. But, above all, dear Jenny, be careful of one thing, and you will be something more than woman ; that is,