on the plan of hot-houses. The youths who are thus reared are placed under cover in a peculiar atmosphere, calculated to hasten the development of the brain. All that the teacher has to do is to keep the thermometer up to a certain point. In this way, children have been produced who calculated eclipses before they could speak, and cut out plans of fortifications in clay before cutting their teeth. Strange to say, at twenty or so they generally relapse into childhood." We were by this time in the street again, and I confessed to my companion that I was hungry. "Absurd I was not to think of it. Let us see: this is beef-day. Shall we step into this eating-house?" And he dragged me into an enormous room, in which about a thousand persons were dining. I noticed that all ate beef. At the end of the room four large oxen, roasted whole, lay upon immense metal dishes, and a sort of guillotine, worked by steam, was incessantly in movement cutting equal slices from each. "Let us sit down and wait for our turn. You perceive that the oxen are roasted whole. This is in consequence of a very wise law which was enacted to prevent deception on the part of the cooks. Here you can see what you eat, and you are sure of getting the worth of your money, for your portion is cut by machinery." "I think," said I, somewhat nauseated by the surrounding beefy odor, "that I would like a slice of fish." "Impossible," was my friend's answer. "I thought I said that this was beef-day. The government found, a couple of centuries ago, that human life was shortened on the average five years per person by errors and intemperance in diet. A law was therefore passed, ordaining that certain descriptions of food should be eaten on certain days and no others; likewise specifying the quantity each person should eat." "It seems to me," said I, a little nettled, "that your laws encroach mightily on individual freedom." "Tut! nonsense! I tell you that our plan is declared by the wisest men in the world to be the most conducive to health and length of life. Would it be better, think you, to let people kill or weaken themselves by giving rein to their own foolish whims ?" I did not care to argue the question, but rose and excused myself on the plea of want of appetite. My friend politely followed my example, and insisted on taking me to his house, where I might dine if I chose. We soon reached it, and my conductor ran up a flight of steps. The moment his foot touched the highest step the door opened. We entered, and I was soon lost in admiration. Mechanism had certainly wrought wonders. An electric telegraph, with some twenty wires, communicated with the various persons with whom my friend had to deal in business. By an ingenious contrivance the same set of pipes dis tributed through every room heat, light, water, and fresh air. The windows were provided with telescopes of various power, commanding a radius of some fifty miles. Tied to one of the highest windows was my friend's buggy, which floated like a bird in air, ready for use. He apologized for the absence of his wife by saying, slyly, that she was rather vain of her appearance, and, having grown a trifle too stout of late, had gone to the doctor's to have her waist taken in three inches. I smiled, and he continued to chat pleasantly, till, of a sudden, the floor moved in front of where I was sitting, and a table loaded with eatables sprang up, just as they used to do in pantomimes. My host begged me to join him, and I sat down. No servants were visible; but the moment we had drawn our chairs to the table the carving-knife sprang up as if it had been alive, and cut several slices of roast beef from the joint. The fork then displayed equal agility in picking up a slice and placing it on a plate, while the gravy spoon drowned it in gravy. The plate then rolled rapidly to the place where I sat. At the same moment a decanter of water beside me bent over and poured out a glassful, and the salt and castors began to travel slowly round the table. I even saw the mustard-pot stop, the lid raise itself, and the silver spoon with the utmost gravity empty itself on my plate. I began to think "He bought an old locomotive at auction, and intends to run it along the painting while he daubs away with the brush. In this way he hopes to get through the whole sky in a morning." ately tired I am!" "Out last night?" "Yes; at Mrs. Cram's-an awful crush. Cram had made a capital bargain for the ball, they say, with the cotton factory next door; so we kept it up till daylight." Almost at the same moment the gentleman in question entered. He skimmed lightly over the floor, and rubbed the toe of his right boot "Tis for Boston, is it not ?" against my host's toe. This, I afterward under- "Yes, for their Stock Exchange, a new buildstood, was the new mode of saluting a friend-ing a hundred miles long. Ah! how despershaking hands having long ago gone out of fashion. Cazzo Bang-So Cistern was dressed like my friend; but his drawers were fantastically cut, and he wore round his neck a hempen cravat, which I understood was the height of fashion and extravagance. On his fingers I noticed a number of flint rings-the flint having superseded the diamond as soon as Professor Grobichon had discovered the secret of crystalizing carbon, and turned a whole bed of coal into diamonds of the purest water. Round his neck hung a pretty ear-horn, which, when we spoke, he contrived to fasten in his ear by a peculiar motion of the muscles. He was not deaf, my friend said; but it was the fashion to be hard of hearing. My host explained that the floors of modern houses were set on springs, and as it was contrary to the spirit of the institutions of the day to allow any element of profit to be lost, the motion which dancing imparted to the floors was used to work various kinds of mechanism. "By-the-way," said Cistern, "I've broken off with Justine-she'd only a million, after all. I wonder what she's doing now?" And he skipped to the window, fixed his eye My host and he soon fell into an animated to a telescope, and cried almost instantly: conversation. "Have you heard," said Cistern, "the lunar wire has at last been laid the whole distance? We are hourly expecting a message from the moon." "We shall at last understand, then, what was the object of the revolution, in which their great city was burnt the night before last." "Oh! as to that, if the State Astronomer had not been a fool, he would have perceived that the men in the moon had split on the subject of the tides. I saw them plain enough from my window, and I've no doubt on the subject." "Very possibly. By-the-way, how gets on your brother Lucifer with his painting?" "Hum! slowly, slowly. He's only finished "As I expected, that rascal Skiggs is on my track." We followed him to the window, and by adjusting a telescope and an ear-tube, my host kindly enabled me to see and hear the lovers, who were over two miles distant. I could hear the lover murmur, in a low, tender voice: "Ah! you were my earliest love. I have so often dreamed of you!" "So have I of you," responded the young "Not a relative but myself." "You are heir to both?" "Acknowledged heir; and neither can live over a few months." "Ah!" cried the lover, in an ecstasy, "you are an angel-my own loved one!" And he covered her hand with kisses. "This sort of thing," said my host to me, "is not usual nowadays. That young man is evidently a romantic creature, like the lovers of old times, of whom we read. Generally speaking, all marriages are now arranged by the secretary of that department. Marrying men enter their names in his registers, and fathers inscribe their daughters, with their prospects, in a book which is kept for the purpose. It usually happens that the secretary can suit an applicant at once; but the law obliges him to advertise parties on hand and unclaimed once a week. Here," he added, drawing a piece of newspaper from his pocket, "are last week's advertisements. If you want to marry, you can choose." I glanced over the list. Some were pictorial. One was a hideous man, without legs, with the simple words beneath, "Worth three millions!" Another was from a father. It ran as follows: "A father of a family desires to dispose of four daughters, in consequence of his removal to a smaller house. One is dark, one fair, one red-haired, one doubtful. Each will receive on her marriage the sum of $60,000. No one need apply unless he has been vaccinated." Here was one from the lady herself: "A widow, who has been a blessing to five husbands, would like to make a sixth happy. Her fortune consists of a good figure and a warm heart. Apply, post-paid, to E. L., care of the secretary." ME. AND MES. CORNOSCO. CHAIRWOMAN OF THE COMMITTEE ON ABUSES. I inquired how experience justified this business-like system. My friend assured me that nothing had ever been known like it. Every one was happy now, for the feelings being abolished, the source of jealousies and quarrels was wholly removed. Even parties between whom nature seemed to have set an impassable gulf were, under the existing plan, happy and contented spouses. There was Cornosco, for instance, who had made a fortune by exhibiting himself, and then married Tivicini's daughter, the prettiest girl in her quarter; there never were such a pair of turtle-doves. "Some ladies," he added, "from reasons of their own, refused to marry. The State had provided for them. They constituted the social committee-a standing body appointed by government to ferret abuses. It was found that they could discover twice as many mischiefs and wrongs in the same space of time as a male committee; and their reports were so long that no one ever ventured to reply to them, whereby the reforms they recommended were certain to be accomplished. Their present chairwoman," my host added, "was a woman of vast accomplishment, who had been chosen in consequence of her great speech on the art of winking-a discourse which lasted thirty-one hours, and caused the death of the sergeant-at-arms." This was enough. I turned to my host and inquired whether I could see the remainder of the newspaper from which this piece was taken. "Oh! certainly." And he touched a spring, on which a queerlooking mechanism slid along the wall until it LIBERTY, EQUALITY, AND FRATERNITY. "This is the great newspaper," said my friend. "It's name, as you perceive, is the Everlasting World." "A daily, I presume?" It "Pardon me, it never ceases to appear. is printed by a peculiar press on endless bands of paper, which are wound on rollers, and penetrate into the house of every subscriber. It is adapted to every taste, and in politics devotes a page or two to each separate party. In this way, you have only to look at the head of the column to perceive the articles which are intended for you. The rest you neglect; you can do so with the less regret, as the World prints exactly three miles of reading matter every twenty-four hours." I noticed, in fact, that an article, apparently several hundred columns in length, was published in the journal before me. It was entitled "American Antiquities," by Cain, late Professor of the Liberia College. I glanced at a paragraph or two. "The nineteenth century," so ran the Professor's work, "was undoubtedly the golden age of ancient literature. The immortal work of Barnum, which was so popular in his own day that his publisher was reached our level. It appeared to be com- crushed to death by the crowds who sought posed of an infinite number of rollers, round to buy it, and those of Arthur Pendennis, which a band of printed paper revolved inces- would alone prove this; not to speak of other santly, like the strips used in the old Morse famous illustrations of the period, such as the telegraph. great negro writer, Uncle Tom, Esquire, and the sweet poet Ticknor, whose lines, 'Speak! speak! thou fearful guest,' are in every one's memory. If our colleague Coppernose be correct in assigning the Harpers to this period, they would, of course, stand far in advance of their contemporaries. Nothing like the learning of this wonderful family has ever been witnessed in our day. Theology, philosophy, belles lettres, travels, law, fixed sciences, poetrynothing was beyond the reach of their universal genius. It is estimated that if a man were to read sixteen hours a day for one hundred years-a feat not likely to be accomplished by idlers-he could not get through one-half the works of this industrious family. We are well aware that the learned Doctor Rumdum, of Iceland, has suggested that the works which bear their name were not really composed by them; but that, as it was a well-known practice in the nineteenth century to read new works to public assemblies to the sound of the harp, the presence of the word Harpers on the title-page merely means that these works were so read, or perhaps was a notice to the harpers to strike up. We have every respect for so high an authority as Rumdum; but really there is a family resemblance about the Harpers' works which can not be mistaken. We would as soon think of doubting that the venerable sage Shelton Mackenzie was not the author of that curious collection of whimsicalities to which he gave the appropriate name of Noctes Ambrosianæ, by Christopher North." I inquired if party spirit ran high at Peerless. "No, no," answered my host, " people never quarrel nowadays, I may say, since the law which passed some years ago, based on that famous old adage of your great jurisconsult, Justinian Blackstone Story, 'There are wrongs on both sides.' When two men quarrel both are seized, and condemned to lose a limb; they have the right of choosing which. In this way we have realized the dream of universal liberty, equality, and fraternity." "I should think," said I, turning again to the newspaper, "there would be some difficulty in providing manuscript for so voracious a machine." "On the contrary, the editor tells me he does not know what to do for space, and the proprietors talk of enlarging the paper. In the first place, you have heard, perhaps, that the old plan of book-publishing has been abandoned, and that all books now appear in the newspapers. They absorb a great deal of room, as you see." This was enough. I turned to my companion, who held the newspaper still. "Besides literature," said he, "the telegraphic correspondence from all parts of the world often occupies over a mile of paper. You notice, likewise, that it is illustrated. That is also done by telegraph; or rather, a ornaments which, I was told, were likewise small very pretty compound of the photograph and models of other inventions made by members telegraph, by which a scene occurring ten of her family. One was a new lid for saucethousand miles off can be instantaneously pans; another, a boot which laced itself, etc. transferred to paper here. This, for in- These, as Mr. Cistern explained to me, were stance, is a sketch of the commotion created worn as armorial bearings; the only nobility yesterday at the north pole by the news that recognized by that enlightened age being affinProfessor Brown had succeeded in attracting ity to genius. Round her neck was a chain, the new comet by electricity, and was sanguine to which was suspended a medal bearing the of connecting it with the earth, and so doubling words-"Two millions of dowry settled on the velocity of this planet." myself." "By-the-way," said Cistern, "my telegraph from Philadelphia announces that my pre-emption title to those lots in the comet has been sold at forty premium. A good operation; I clear ninety thousand." "You don't say so," replied my host. "Well, I'll hold my lots. Professor Sitzen assures me that I have a gold mine on them. He says he discovered undoubted indications with his telescope." "Very possibly," rejoined the fast man; "but my uncle is shaky, and I want to effect a new life-policy on the old man." I was anxious to hear the lady talk; but after rubbing her toe against her husband's in a nonchalant manner, and winking at me-a proceeding which surprised me at first, but which I was told was quite according to Cocker-she withdrew, whistling a lively air. I then proposed to the gentlemen to take a walk. Cistern laughed, and looking at a peculiar ring he wore on his little finger, observed: "Just eight o'clock... sorry..." "You are not aware," said my host, "that the law requires every citizen to be in bed by "You made rather a good thing out of your nine." aunt, didn't you?" "No, no, nothing to speak of; a hundred thousand in round numbers. The fact is, I'm an unlucky dog. I've taken every precaution -insured every member of the family from my uncle downward; but somehow, none of them will oblige me by dying." At this moment the lady of the house entered. She was dressed à la bergère; except that on her head she wore a peculiar sort of crown, which I understood afterward was a model of a machine for making horn buttons, invented by her father. On her arms she wore A LADY OF FASHION A.D. 8000. "Why," said I, quite angry this time, "you seem to have gone back to the old curfew system." "Best thing in the world, my dear fellow! Early to bed, and early to rise'-'twas an ancient said so; and the state statisticians assure us that life is prolonged three years and a quarter, on the average, by going to bed at nine. "Suppose," said I, "that I refuse to go?" "Ha! ha!" laughed my friend. "You're a funny fellow! a very funny fellow! Cistern, how long is it since poor Chang Smith took it into his head to disobey the law?" "How should I know? In the time of my grandfather, I believe." "He was the last of the old school of felons. He insisted, as you seem to want to do, on sitting up after nine. The Court sentenced him to sit up till twelve every night for a year. It nearly killed him. Human nature can not stand solitude or eccentricity. Come, let me show you the way." He led me to a room exquisitely furnished. On touching a spring a bed sprang out of the wall; pegs protruded themselves forward to receive my clothes, and the moment I had taken off my coat an automaton brush began to dust it with exquisite dexterity. As my host left the room and wished me 'Good-night!' he said, laughingly, "No sleepless nights here. Be quick, for in ten minutes this pastil will plunge you into a slumber from which an enchanter could not wake you." And as I lay down on a deliciously soft couch, I felt a drowsy sensation creep over me. I struggled against it; but my eyelids closed in spite of myself, my muscles relaxed, and it seemed in less than a minute I was in a deep sleep. |