I put the money into her hand, and she fee- | nounce and abominate them in their insanity; bly rose up and went away. She never thanked and I address people with a respect for the me, never looked at me-melted away into the spirit of the New Testament, who do mind miserable night, in the strangest manner I ever such things, and who think them infamous in saw. I have seen many strange things, but not our streets. one that has left a deeper impression on my memory than the dull impassive way in which that worn-out heap of misery took that piece of money, and was lost.

HOW I WAS DISCARDED.

BY A MARRIED MAN.

COUSIN Josephine!

As I write that name my youth flows back upon me in a flood of purple light, and I pass into another sphere, almost into another being.

One by one I spoke to all the five. In every one, interest and curiosity were as extinct as in the first. They were all dull and languid. No one made any sort of profession or complaint; In those days-beautiful days of youth-the no one cared to look at me; no one thanked sunshine seems to me to have flooded earth me. When I came to the third, I suppose she with richer glory-flushing the hills of dawn saw that my companion and I glanced, with a with purer sapphire, and suffusing the blue new horror upon us, at the two last, who had mountain ranges with such crimson sunsets as dropped against each other in their sleep, and now never fall upon our work-a-day world. were lying like broken images. She said, she The oriole poured, from his swaying perch upon believed they were young sisters. These were the summit of the flowering tulip-tree, a brightthe only words that were originated among the er shower of musical trills and ecstatic warblings five. -falling like pearls, and diamonds, and all precious jewels, shattered and sparkling in the azure atmosphere: as surely did the laughing streams of spring give utterance to a merrier ministrelsy, as they went dancing over silver sands, beneath weeping willows, and by grassplats which the goddesses of old might fitly

rest! See how my style runs into hyperbole and extravagance, as sitting here I lean my brow upon my hand, and putting from me every impression of the present moment, live again in the bright past, with all its beauty and delight-its splendor and rejoicing-its gay scenes and sounds, which rise up clearly, and echo in my heart, like the fine "horns of Elfland faint

And now let me close this terrible account with a redeeming and beautiful trait of the poorest of the poor. When we came out of the Workhouse, we had gone across the road to a public-house, finding ourselves without silver, to get change for a sovereign. I held the money in my hand while I was speaking to the five ap-have selected for high revel, or delicious, dreamy paritions. Our being so engaged, attracted the attention of many people of the very poor sort usual to that place; as we leaned over the mounds of rags, they eagerly leaned over us to see and hear; what I had in my hand, and what I said, and what I did, must have been plain to nearly all the concourse. When the last of the five had got up and faded away, the spectators opened to let us pass; and not one of them, byly blowing," but loud enough to fill the wide word, or look, or gesture, begged of us. Many of the observant faces were quick enough to know that it would have been a relief to us to have got rid of the rest of the money with any hope of doing good with it. But there was a feeling among them all that their necessities were not to be placed by the side of such a spectacle; and they opened a way for us in profound silence, and let us go.

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atmosphere with all the life and glory, the actual coloring, influence, and perfume of that fair time now passed from me forever-dead in the dust, and only alive in the bright eyes of memory!

the first scenes and the early figure.

But at this rate I shall never get to the events I wish to tell you of-in which events my Cousin Josephine had her part, and a very conspicuous part, I assure you. To speak of my youth, My companion wrote to me, next day, that and omit all mention of her beautiful face, the five ragged bundles had been upon his bed would be to write the adventures of Hamlet all night. I debated how to add our testimony with the character of the prince left out; and, to that of many other persons who from time therefore, to convey a proper impression of the to time are impelled to write to the newspapers, events which befell your unworthy correspondby having come upon some shameful and shock-ent, it is necessary to trace, with a rapid pen, ing sight of this description. I resolved to write an exact account of what we had seen, but to We lived in an old town whose actual gazetwait until after Christmas, in order that there teer "address" I need not dwell upon; one of might be no heat or haste. I know that the those old hamlets which seem content to rest unreasonable disciples of a reasonable school, in provincial retirement, beside their murmurdemented disciples who push arithmetic and ing brooks, overhung by weeping willows, and political economy beyond all bounds of sense behind their forests shutting them out from the (not to speak of such a weakness as humanity), whirl and commotion of the flashing and hurryand hold them to be all-sufficient for every ing world. I was the adopted son of my aunt, case, can easily prove that such things ought a lady of considerable wealth, who lived in the to be, and that no man has any business to best house in the village, which, nevertheless, mind them. Without disparaging those indis- would scarcely have eclipsed the humblest city pensable sciences in their sanity, I utterly re-mansion-venerable old sleeper as it was, with VOL. XII.-No. 71.-TT

its antique gables and dormer windows, and "overalls" did, about the height of the young roof-shadowing oaks and elms. A row of these lady's knees. Mrs. Grundy pardon me! it realfine forest monarchs extended in front of the ly seemed as if Miss Josephine had forgotten house, and at sunset their long shadows fell two articles of dress considered indispensableupon an humbler mansion farther down the her shoes, and what are now called pantalets. street, where Cousin Josephine lived. I think Thus accoutred, little Josie, as we called her, our love affair had its commencement when we struggled manfully through the snow-drifts, both were children. I remember very well the laughing with all the zest of childhood, and child parties we went to when we were "little careless how many downy flakes fell on her things," the crowds of rosy-cheeked girls and rosy cheeks, or how the wind pierced through boys, the games, and forfeits, with their accom- her cloak. At times, as though in defiance of panying kisses and ridiculous, but merry ad- snow and ice upon the walk, and every obstacle, juncts; the walks home afterward, when more she tripped along, and burst out into the merthan one "salute" upon the dimpled cheek sent riest of songs, and laughed gleefully. But winboy and girl to bed with laughter! All is clear ter and his "picking geese" proved too much -very clear! in memory, and again I am a for little Josie at last. Just as I reached her child thinking of it all, and almost shedding she vigorously attacked an immense snow-drift, tears, idle tears, as I sit and ponder. She was into which her stockings, and consequently what so beautiful then! I think I never saw a face they protected, plunged; and struggling in the of purer and more delicate loveliness; and mass of snow, she seemed to be brought to a when she laughed or sang, the room in which stand-still. Another struggle, however, extrishe was became a fair May forest, full of war-cated her, and she dashed on. But unhappy bling birds, with waters flowing, streamlets danc- chance! She placed her incautious feet upon ing, and a thousand tender leaflets whispering a surface of ice, thinly covered with snow: she in the gentle winds of morning. I rhapsodize, slipped-another moment would have witnessyou say; but who could help it? There was ed a dangerous fall, when I caught her in my such joy and loveliness in the face, and voice, arms. Admire the tableau, my friend! Leanand motions of this child that, thinking of her ing back, startled and frightened, the little maidnow, and reviving once more those old days in en scarcely knew who supported her, and the which she shone so brightly, my blood flows rosy face lying near my own exhibited a pair faster, almost a blush comes to my cheek, and of wide-extended eyes, which caused her reslike a star she shines upon me out of the past, cuer to burst into laughter. Miss Josephine at scattering from her face all mists and clouds, this time was fourteen, and so you will readily and blessing me with her kind friendly eyes. I understand how it happened that she speedily must have loved her even then, for I well recol- regained the perpendicular, and withdrew herlect the jokes of the boys and girls when after self, blushing, from my encircling arms, and alschool I gravitated, as it were, toward Jose-most pouted at the necessary embrace. phine, and assuming, as my rightful burden, her slate and satchel, went along with her through the sunny street toward home. That influence which absorbs "all thoughts, all passions, all delights" in the grown man, not seldom vindicates its power upon the heart of the child; and, assuredly, after seeing her that morning, in frosty January, trudging through the snow, I was no longer my own master! We had had a snow such as very seldom visited our latitude, and in places it was drifted more than knee-deep. It was still snowing, too, when looking idly out of our window after breakfast, as I was drawing on my mittens to go to school, I descried Josephine toiling through the drifts. In a moment my resolution to linger until the last moment possible was thawed by the sight of the maiden, and I rushed forth to the rescue.

I weary you with these hasty and scrawled sketches of memory, or I might descant at large upon the pretty sight Miss Josephine presented. How well I recall her rosy cheeks and dancing eyes, the little hand holding her satchel, and the stockings upon her feet. Yes! stockings. My little angel (from that time forth she filled that capacity) actually wore stockings, white and huge, above her high-quartered shoes. Her dress, after the childish fashion, was very short, and disappearing, as the comfortable woolen

We

went on, talking merrily-I was a gay boy of seventeen then-and she disappeared from me within the school, where now none went but girls, our own being different.

From that moment there was no doubt in my own mind on the subject of my feelings. I was in love with Josie, and I gloried in the ennobling thought. I revolved the propriety of making an instant declaration. I consulted aunt mysteriously upon the subject of my immediate withdrawal from school, and assumption of the law as my profession. I walked big, talked big, and thought big, in the full meaning of those somewhat vulgar expressions. My aunt informed me that I was a goose, though she smiled-admiringly, I have since thought— at my boyish ardor and bright hopefulness; and then she bid me go and learn my Latin, and not "anticipate the season of life promised by Providence." This advice was, of course, rather amusing: to address a man in that way was too irrational! And I gently caressed a downy upper-lip, and that portion of my countenance where whiskers were rapidly sprouting, though as yet undiscernible upon the surface, as smooth as a leaf of the red dog-wood. I, however, paid decent respect to my good aunt's commands, and for the present dismissed the idea of studying and practicing law, and going to the United

States Senate. I employed my time in the that I should come back in a year or two, and more pleasing occupation of writing verses; and stand where then I stood. The parting with I recollect, with perfect distinctness, the admi- Josephine was thus a scene of tragic despair. I ration I experienced for these first efforts of my was firm and heroic, but plunged in night. The unaccustomed muse. I found, the other day, beautiful and tender girl evidently felt keenly the discolored leaves upon which these "po- for me; and I have since known, experienced ems" by courtesy were inscribed, and I honestly a regret even deeper than what she expressed confess that they were absolutely shocking. But at my departure. Tears were in her eyes, and why criticise and deride these first warbles of when she spoke her voice faltered, and was the unpracticed songster and author? Ah! he broken; and we stood thus in the garden, I was young then-his unfeathered wings had not leaning against the old elm-tree under which borne him beyond the parent nest, into the bit- we had played together, mere babies-she with ing winds of this wicked world, and he faltered hanging head and quivering lip, which she did out his early carol tremulous and untrained, and not care to conceal; for at fifteen, you may have scarcely louder than the whisper of the forest observed, young ladies possess warmer emotions, leaves. I offset my expressive "Ah!" with an or are more willing to permit them to be seen, "Alas!" however, and say that those first lisp- than in the after-times, when they have learned ings were more heartfelt than what since I have the lessons of "propriety." Josephine stood uttered, as my boyhood was more full of joy thus for some time, silent, like myself. She and glory than all the days that have flushed then essayed to speak-her tears choked hermy life with beauty since. I'll keep them, then, and covering her face with her hands, she burst my leaves of the past-spring leaves: I have into tumultuous sobs. What would you have many faded autumn leaves to lay aside with done-I mean, my friend, when you were eightthem. een, and in love? She was my cousin, you may Josephine saw the verses, and I think she tell Mrs. Grundy, if she reads this, and that may admired them profoundly. They were exhibit-have some weight with her, as a vindication of ed, too, by her mischievous elder sister, Anna, and you may be sure the young lady was teased considerably about her devoted lover. We didn't care much, however; and now I look back on those evenings we spent in the fields, the woods, the garden, as the happiest and serenest of my life. As I pass on from those scenes and days, with their laughter and joy, and bright youthful hopes, illusions, and romantic dreams-as I pass on to the after-scenes I went through-bright, it may be, and beautiful, but not so wholly clear, and tranquil, and unclouded-I pause a moment to gaze back upon the vale of boyhood; and with bent head, and hanging arms, and sighing lips, bid farewell to the queen of my childhood. Child Josephine! I salute you as I go from you, and call you beautiful, and tender, and sincere | as any nature ever born into this world! You shine upon me now, a gracious phantom, with kind eyes, and rosy cheeks, and soft white hands, which hold out flowers toward me-withered flowers they are! for as I take them from your hands I find them droop: they fall down brittle, and as though kept for long years! Your figure vanishes, and I pass on.

At eighteen I was sent by my aunt to college-a college so far from our little hamlet, that it really seemed to me that it must have its foundations in some sphere beyond that imaginary point, "the end of the earth." Of the utter despair, the Stygian gloom, which wrapped my spirit in its black cloud when I realized the necessity of parting with Cousin Josephine, I will not speak. As the heart of boyhood lives in the present hour, without thought of any world more bright, so the annihilation of his actual happiness appears to such a nature an eternal loss. I did not realize the fact that time would flow on surely and regularly-that the rolling hours would sweep into the past the college session

my action when I saw Josephine in tears. In a moment her head lay upon my breast, and a shower of tears and kisses fell upon the auburn hair, and the trembling form was pressed closely to another form scarcely less tremulous with emotion. A few broken words, a few boyish protestations of eternal devotion, promises to write, and faltering words of love; then the face and form of the child melted away into a haze, which my moist eyes caused to lie upon the horizon-the horizon of home, from which the rattling stage-coach bore me on my way to college.

I did not come home for two years. Of these two years it is wholly unnecessary that I should say any thing, since the events of my college life have absolutely no connection with what I have set out to relate. There was one incident, however, so to speak, which I may mention. For the first few months of my collegiate career Josephine and myself kept up a correspondence, which I have now yonder in my escritoir-her own letters, at least-and which I often recur to, and read again, with a strange, wistful emotion, made up of smiles and tears, of laughter and sighs. The package is tied with a little silken ribbon of blue and gold, which, in the old days-a long, long time ago-served to bind up the waves of her bright hair. It was the fashion then, and one day I feloniously appropriated it, and went away and dreamed with my eyes fixed on it, like an honest fellow in love; and now it ties up her letters-her letters received at college when I was eighteen! Strange rustling scrolls of memory, from which exhales an aroma of romance and boyhood! which whisper as the forest leaves of youth whispered! which inclose, in their frail and age-discolored folds, how much of love and splendor, of regret and sighing, of dreams which are the only reali

ties! I read them a thousand times then, hang- | lady called me an abandoned profligate, and ing over their pages, and weighing every expres- spoke of me further as on the high road to sion with the fondest and foolishest delight. I the gallows? I will tell you. Old Professor have read them a thousand times since, linger-| Bing upon the details of home scenes, listening to their far-away cadences, as to the sound of silent laughter, and purifying my heart with a tender regret as they spoke to me. As I place them carefully again in the hidden drawer of my old secretary, neatly tied with the old blue and golden ribbon, I feel that I have left the present for a time-lived for a season in the beautiful and noble past again, drinking in azure, and sunlight, and perfume-that past of azure skies and golden light, even like my ribbon, but not near so beautiful and noble as the nature which illustrated and adorned it-the little maiden with the deep-blue eyes and golden hair!

had a horse, and Tom Randolph gave a supper. I'm afraid we all drank too much that night-I mean the guests of T. R.—and at one or two, ante meridian, we sallied forth, and chanced to see the venerable animal, nicknamed Bucephalus, serenely browsing on the college-green. Where the paint came from I knew not; but certainly Bucephalus, after passing from our hands, presented the appearance of a new species of animal, intensely green, all except his legs, which were white as usual. With some other coloring matter the letters x2 + px = q

tence, its modification, and the whole affair, got into the newspapers and reached our hamlet. You know Mrs. Grundy continues still to take

my name in a certain column, and the scene at the tea-drinking was the result. Mrs. Grundy thereafter made it her business to discover every thing relating to my unworthy self; and if I turned my toes too much out or in, or rode a horse at too rapid a pace, or erected my feet, in smoking, to a position too much above my head upon the mantle-piece, or snored too loud in my sleep, or did any other action criminal and worthy of reprobation, this ubiquitous or terribly-well

were painted upon his side, that being the college designation of his excellent and really respected master. The consequence of this freak, Pardon me, friend; but it is hard to look which I own to have been in bad taste, was a upon my old letters and not dream. They are court-martial of the offenders, and the request not numerous, for soon an unaccountable re- from the faculty that I and half a dozen others serve began to invade Josephine's letters to me; would avail ourselves of permanent leave of abthen they became brief and constrained; then sence from Alma Mater. By exertion of friendthey came at longer intervals; then they ceasedly authorities, however, this leave was restrictcoming at all. I need not dwell upon my vary-ed, and a rustication—at a country tavern some ing emotions of surprise and disquiet, of sorrow miles off-was prescribed; after which we were and irritation, of gradually declining regret at restored to favor and the offense overlooked. I the loss of an accustomed solace. A time came believe there were some rebellious scenes at the at last when Josephine and myself were no lon-trial, and certainly, for some reason, our senger correspondents, and about this time-Josephine's pure and tender voice having ceased to speak to me, and steel me with the memory of her lovely and pious nature against tempta-newspapers from all parts of the world; she read tion and vice-at this time, I say, as the village Mrs. Grundy was fond of relating, with dreadful movement of the austere eyebrows and shakings of the ancient head, I began to become what is popularly known as "a little wild." This is not the expression used at the time by Mrs. Grundy, for whom I don't mind saying I have from my earliest years experienced much disregard, not to say contempt. The venerable and influential lady used, I believe, on one occasion at a tea-drinking, the ex-informed old lady discovered every thing, and pression, "abandoned profligate,” in alluding to myself and my collegiate career. She uttered these expressive words in the presence of Josephine, of course; for you have met with this lady, and you must have observed that she never fails to select such occasions for her harangues-occasions, namely, when her bitter words strike deepest and wound deadliest. I heard that Josephine, with flushed cheeks and eyes suffused but sparkling, defended my unfortunate reputation, and extracted from Mrs. Grundy the expression, "Hoity! toity!" indicative of contempt and disregard of so feeble an adversary. I believe, however, that the dear girl had to throw down her work and go away crying at last, overwhelmed by Mrs. G.'s sarcasm and allusions to the origin of her defense of me; for how can a tender girl, with nothing but a loving heart, repel and strangle the slanders of so powerful an adversary as this world-celebrated Mrs. Grundy? And now do you know why the old

duly reported it, with an ominous shake of the head, at the next tea-drinking Don't many of us, young fellows or old, know numerous Mrs. Grundys? Is not Mrs. Grundy every wherean old hag who tears us to pieces, limb by limb; and gloats over the disjecta membra of our reputations with cruel and triumphant laughter; and sits on our laboring breasts at night a horrible nightmare; accompanying us equally throughout the day, and causing us to shake in our shoes when her bony finger points toward us, and her skinny lips address themselves to speak?

But whither do I wander? I am not telling my story, and your patience is failing. I managed to survive the mortifying reflection that Mrs. Grundy did not admire me; and the thought of Josephine went far to keep me from those undignified and often impure courses which young men not seldom pursue at college. If she had only written to me, and per

mitted me, even through the cold medium of | to think since, that but few countenances have the mail, to hear her kind voice, and look upon ever rivaled this one in delicate loveliness. her tender face, alive with pure and sweet emotion of regard for me, I am sure that nothing could have tempted me to frequent any scenes which I would not have had her holy eyes to look upon; and I perfectly well remember an actual instance of this sort, where a letter from her in my bosom made the reveling orgy I had sought a vile glare of inane lights and silly monstrous vanity, from which I retired in disgust, to go into that purer atmosphere of home, and purity, and love. But young ladies will not believe it. Tom or Dick's a wild fellow, and it is not proper to correspond with one who, maybe, will show the letters to unworthy eyes, and "maybe I'd better not." Oh, cruel slander on the heart of youth, dreaming, and yearning, and trying to escape from crime and revelry to home and tender eyes!

Josephine wrote to me no more, but her influence made me purer, and the last year at college saw me a hard student. I left my Alma Mater with a creditable degree, and went home to read a few months; and then, my majority being attained, commence the practice of the law.

She

Well, I am prosing again; but I have my old excuse. I will get on more rapidly. Of course I had not reached twenty, and flirted with every girl in a circuit of fifteen miles around college, and aired my knowledge of "what is proper under the circumstances," and all that-without coming to the conclusion that cousins had privileges-especially cousins sustaining toward each other such relations as existed between Josephine and myself. I modestly advanced to fold her in my arms, with a matter-of-course air, and suddenly found the young lady retreat. was no longer "Josie," you observe, my dear friend; she was "Cousin Josephine." The old school-days, snow-drifts, stockings, and verses wherein love invariably rhymed to dove, were no longer any thing but pleasant recollections, calculated to raise a merry laugh, or cause curious speculation upon the length of time embraced in a very few years. In a word, we were gentleman and lady, you see; and as it is not the invariable custom of gentlemen and ladies to embrace and kiss when they meet, this view was acted upon by Cousin Josephine. There was not the slightest prudery in her manner of The old stage-coach, with the same driver, refusing me the proffered “salute,” as our honthe same horses, the same old lounging roll, and est grandpas called it; no affectation of being the identical habit of stopping at the roadside offended; no stiff drawing back and "dignified" taverns to get a drink and light his pipe, bore me stateliness of demeanor. Cousin Josephine to the good old home of my aunt, and in the merely drew back laughing and blushing a litarms of that tender old dame I was soon locked, tle, and placed suddenly a rocking-chair bewith half a dozen kisses, and two tears which tween us, and said she was extremely glad to rolled from beneath the spectacles, and were see me, and wasn't I glad to see every body wiped away by the thin, white hand. After all, again? You scoff at me in your mind, do you friend, there's nothing like home, as the song not, for relinquishing my prize in a manner has long since told us; and I felt, as I looked so cowardly? Well, I acquiesce: it was cowupon the familiar objects from which I had for ardly, dastardly, and I can't explain it, except two years been separated, that the wide world, by saying that I was so completely dazzled by full as it may be of excitement and adventure, that vision of surpassing tenderness and loveliand bright landscapes and grand edifices, is a ness-so overcome by that countenance, the very poor and inferior thing in comparison with sight of which poured back my youth upon me the obscure and quiet nook, where the old shad- in a flood of delight-so very suddenly more in ow falls from the good old elms, where the old love than ever, I might as well add, that I had brook purls under the old willows of our youth, no adventurous enterprise at my command. I where-better than all-the fond eyes of love became all at once nervous and respectful; my are strained down the road to welcome us, and impudence, if you will have it so, deserted me; the arms which we lay in, as little weak babies, and from that time forth I never attempted this are waiting to clasp the grown man to the heart species of amusement. Cousin Josephine soon forever true! I had seen all and heard every came forth from her fortress-added a second thing before I went to Josephine's. At last she pressure of her hand to those given by her mothstood before me, and I was fairly dazzled! I er and sister Anna, whom I have spoken of, a have traveled much since, and seen fair faces in very handsome girl of twenty-three-and then many climes, but I do not think I have ever I was made to answer ten thousand questions, seen a vision of more surpassing loveliness than and subjected them to the same necessity. I rethat which Cousin Josephine, as I found my-mained until a late hour, falling more and more self thenceforward calling her, presented. I do deeply in love, I may as well confess at once; not mean that I have not seen a fairer complex- and when I went home to my kind aunt's, the ion, for I think the honest suns of country fes- future presented the appearance of an uncomtivals had made their impression; but the lips monly brilliant landscape, over which drooped were so red, the cheek of such a tender and a delicate couleur de rose, and across whose flowdelicate rose-tint, the hair so profuse, golden, ery hills and grassy meadows two persons, reand shifting in its shadowy silken folds, and the spectively of the male and female sex, walked blue eyes, above all, so deep, and soft, and con-arm-in-arm, or even more affectionately, toward fiding, that I thought then, and have continued a church, in the door of which stood one of the