poor, in my own eyes; experience many stripping seasons, and spring-tides of painful temptations from the powers of darkness. I believe these enlarge my receptive powers; for frequently, soon after, there is such an influx of Deity, such glorious displays of future glory, as fills with wonder, and love, and silent adoration. I find the truth of these words, "Israel shall dwell alone." I meet with few that understand my language; and if they did, I often find that words cannot convey an adequate idea of the work, and ways of the Lord, in these inner and higher walks of the Christian life. And, yet, I seem so far short of what the Lord often shews me is my privilege, in point of enjoyment, and conformity to the Divine image, that I feel ashamed; and grieve because my progress is so small. Help me to get forwards. I sometimes think, that the abstract of my life is a continual passing through the veil of outward things, and gasping to live more fully in God. I am kept in perpetual pursuit of higher attainments, that I may be capacitated to bring more glory to God, as well as to enjoy him more. How clearly is the grand prize set before me! Almost every morning my soul is fired and filled with a holy ambition, for the full possession of every purchased and promised blessing; but still, I do not attain; restless, resigned, I wait for it. I long now, to find words sufficiently plain to convince you, how poor, how unworthy, how unfruitful I am. The Lord knows it, and I feel it; yet cannot properly describe it; but beg you will do me the justice to believe it. I still feel much on account of public affairs; what adds to my suffering, is, the most piercing convictions of the astonishing long-suffering, patience, and goodness of the Lord. This penetrates my inmost soul, makes me blush and be ashamed, to entreat for our guilty land. I so feel the weight of the iniquity of us all; and have such views of his consummate wisdom, and boundless love, that I am silent before him; and sink into his will. Yet again, when I take a view of the distress of my fellow-countrymen; what we are exposed to, what variegated misery, &c. I again open my mouth, and plead much, Prayer is poured forth in public, and private, and secret; great the exertions for the spread of the gospel at home and abroad; and the Lord is greatly reviving his work in some parts of England. These things lead me to think, he will not make an utter end of us; but chastise us in a measure. * I was led very remarkably to the appointing an hour of prayer, every morning, from seven to eight, to entreat the Lord for mercy, in the present painful crisis of church and state; I proposed it also to many, both clergy and private Christians, high and low; and they have most cordially engaged with me, to meet at a throne of grace in our several apartments. The Lord has given much liberty * The Habeas Corpus act was suspended at this time in Bogland, hitherto to several. Will Mrs. J- give us the J-give aid of her prayers, and mention it to some of her precious fellow-pilgrims? How does the Lord's work prosper in your hands? Is peace yet restored to contending parties? We have sweet times here in the select band, and in the class which meets in my house. O how fully does Jehovah reveal himself in the latter ! If I can procure time, I will inclose a few lines to Miss R.: if not, tell her I will write her the first opportunity. This long epistle requires an apology. I forgot to say, that my daily petitions ascend that all your corporeal powers and mental faculties may be continued in vigour, till you are called hence. Believe me, with Christian regard, your fellow-pilgrim, &c. D. MAXWELL. 1795. Diary and correspondence continued. January 2. On a retrospect of the last year, I find much cause to say, God has dealt well and kindly with me. My receipts of mercy have been many; for soul, body, and outward estate. At times, the intermediate space has been checkered with various trials: yet still I have been supported under them, and often delivered from them. My heart has been enlarged towards the poor in general, and to the household of faith more particularly; and my powers of supply have been increased. In the course of the year I have been much tried with one particularly painful exercise, which has seemed rather to weaken than strengthen my hands; but has been permitted for good reasons. The Lord has more sensibly than usual owned my attempts for his glory and the good of my fellow-creatures.Agreeably to my request, he gave me a token for good on the last day of the year; but the first day was ushered in with more unexpected trials. May all be blessed! I am again called to rejoice on account of the great success of the gospel, more especially in Ireland. Lord, continue and increase it, and in many places ! March 13. Friday. Still I have to acknowledge the receipt of mercies, spiritual and temporal. On Sabbath last, I found it good to wait on God in public. From the text, Revelation iii. 2, 3, I was led to examine if I had lost ground; if I had fallen from my first love. In the presence of the Searcher of hearts, I found liberty to conclude I had not; on the contrary, my love was more matured; my knowledge of God, and of the things of God, sensibly increased; my nearness to Deity greater; the manifestations of his love and power more frequent; and my power to confess and act for him, his cause, and people, sensibly increased. But still, I felt cause to lament that I had not been more faithful, more fruitful, and also to admire the long suffering patience of my God towards me. Found Christian fellowship on last Sabbath strengthening, and still more so on Tuesday evening; and, on Thursday morning the communion of saints was, of a truth, most refreshing. Jehovah appeared clear to the eye of faith, and his presence was most sensibly experienced by those present. I felt increasing power to mention his great and condescending kindness to me, to those that feared his name. I bless him, he is daily teaching me lessons of faith and love, and helping meto improve them to the utmost. He gives me many sweet proofs that he is the hearer of prayer, and in many instances disappoints my fears, and gives many opportunities of acting for him, both by more immediately promoting his cause, and more remotely assisting his people. April 3. Friday. Through the tender mercy of my God I have continued to enjoy a measure of the blessing bestowed on Monday week. On Sunday last, in the morning, in public, the Lord comforted me by his smiles and presence during a lecture from the 29th, 30th, and 31st verses of the 11th chapter of Hebrews, especially the 31st. He also gave me comfortable seasons in secret prayer. Having several difficult services and duties to perform in the course of the past eight days, I was enabled to trust in the Lord, and he |
