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On Mon. 9, and the following days, I reflected much on that vain desire, which had pursued me for so many years, of being in solitude, in order to be a Christian. I have now, thought I, solitude enough. But am I therefore the nearer being a Christian? Not if Jesus Christ be the model of Christianity. I doubt, indeed, I am much nearer that mystery of Satan, which some writers affect to call by that name; so near, that I had probably sunk wholly into it, had not the great mercy of God just now thrown me upon reading St. Cyprian's works. "O my soul, come not thou into their secret! Stand thou in the good old paths.”

Fri. 13. We had a thorough storm, which obliged us to shut all close, the sea breaking over the ship continually. I was at first afraid; but cried to God, and was strengthened. Before ten I lay down, I bless God, without fear. About midnight we were awaked by a confused noise, of seas and wind and men's voices, the like to which I had never heard before.. The sound of the sea breaking over, and against the sides of the ship, I could compare to nothing but large cannon, or American thunder. The rebounding, starting, quivering motion of the ship, much resembled what

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a man have power to rejoice in his labour?" Yea, God setteth his 69 own seal to his weak endeavours, while he thus "answereth him in the joy of his heart."

Tues. 24. We spoke with two ships, outward-bound, from whom we had the welcome news of our wanting but 160 leagues of the land's-end. My mind was now full of thought, part of which I writ down as follows:

"I went to America, to convert the Indians; but oh! who shall convert me! Who, what is he that will deliver me from this evil heart of unbelief? I have a fair summer religion; I can talk well; nay, and believe myself, while no danger is near: but let death look me in the face, and my spirit is troubled. Nor can I say, "To die is gain!

"I have a sin of fear, that when I've spun

My last thread, I shall perish on the shore!"

"I think verily, if the Gospel be true, I am safe: for I not only have given, and do give all my goods to feed the poor: I not only give my body to be burned, drowned, or whatever God shall appoint for me; but I follow after charity, (though not as I ought, yet as I can,) if haply I may attain it. I now believe the Gospel is true. 'I show my faith by my works,' by staking my all upon it. I

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39 Here the wind turned against us, and in the evening blew fresh, so that we expected (the tide being likewise strong against us) to be driven some leagues backward in the night; but in the morning, to our great surprise, we saw Beachy Head just before us, and found we had gone forwards near forty miles.

Toward evening was a calm; but in the night a strong north wind brought us safe into the Downs. The day before, Mr. White field had sailed out, neither of us then knowing any thing of the At four in the morning we took boat, and in half an hour

matters not) make me acceptable to God? Does all I ever did or can know, say, give, do, or suffer, justify me in his sight? Yea, or the constant use of all the means of grace? (which nevertheless is meet, right, and our bounden duty.) Or, that "I know nothing of myself;" that I am as touching outward, moral righteousness blameless? Or, (to come closer yet,) the having a rational conviction of all the truths of Christianity? Does all this give me a claim to the holy, heavenly, divine character of a Christian? By no means. If the oracles of God are true, if we are still to abide by the law and the testimony; all these things, though when ennobled by faith in Christ,* they are holy, and just and good, yet without it are dung and dross, meet only to be purged away by the fire that never shall be quenched.

This then have I learned in the ends of the earth: That I am fallen short of the glory of God; that my whole heart is altogether corrupt and abominable, and consequently my whole life; (seeing it cannot be, that an evil tree should bring forth good fruit ;) that alienated as I am from the life of God, I am a child of wrath,† an heir of hell; that my own works, my own sufferings, my own righteousness, are so far from reconciling me to an offended God, so far from making any atonement for the least of those sins, which are

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Romans; that faith which enables every one that hath it to cry out, "I live not; but Christ liveth in me; and the life which I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." I want that faith which none can have without knowing that he hath it: (though many imagine they have it, who have it not :) for whosoever hath it "is freed from sin; the whole body of sin is destroyed" in him; he is freed from fear; "having peace with God through Christ, and rejoicing in hope of the glory of God." And he is freed from doubt; "having the love of God shed abroad in his heart, through the Holy Ghost which is given unto him; which Spirit itself beareth witness with his spirit, that he is a child of God."