Miles from Town. They alighted out of the Coach near a fmall Foot-path in a Field; and Glumdalelitch fetting down my travelling Box, I went out of it to walk. There was a Cow-dung in the Path, and I must needs try my Activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a Run, but unfortunately jumped fhort, and found myself just in the Middle up to my Knees. I waded through with fome Difficulty, and one of the Footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his Handkerchief; for I was filthily bemired, and my Nurfe confined me to my Box until we returned home; where the Queen was foon informed of what had paffed, and the Footmen spread it about the Court; fo that all the Mirth for fome Days, was at my Expence.

CHAP. VI.

Several Contrivances of the Author to please the King and Queer. He fervs bis Skill in Mufick. The King inquires into the State of Europe, which the Author relates to him. The King's Obfervations thereon.

I

USED to attend the King's Levee once or twice a Week, and had often seen him under the Barber's Hand, which indeed was at firft very terrible to behold; for the Razor was almoft twice as long as an ordinary Scythe. His Majefly, according to the Cuftom of the Country, was only fhaved twice a Week. I once prevailed on the Barber to give me fome of the Suds or Lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the ftrongest Stumps of Hair. I then took a Piece of fine Wood, and cut it like the Back of a Comb, making feveral Holes in it at equal Diftances, with as fmall a Needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in the Stumps fo artificially, fcraping and floping them with my Knife towards the Points, that I made a very tolerable Comb; which

was

was a feafonable Supply, my own being fo much broken in the Teeth, that it was almost ufelefs: Nei ther did I know any Artist in that Country fo nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another.

AND this puts me in mind of an Amusement wherein I spent many of my leifure Hours. I defired the Queen's Woman to fave, for me the Combings of her Majefty's Hair; whereof in time. I got a good Quantity; and confulting with my Friend the Cabinetmaker, who had received general Orders to do little Jobbs for me; I directed him to make two Chairframes, no larger than those I had in my Box, and then to bore little Holes with a fine Awl round those Parts where I defigned the Backs and Seats; through these Holes I wove the ftrongest Hairs I could pick out, juft after the Manner of Cane-chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a Present of them to her Majefty, who kept them in her Cabinet, and ufed to fhew them for Curiofities; as indeed they were the Wonder of every one who beheld them. The Queen would have had me fit upon one of these Chairs, but I abfolutely refused to obey her; protefting I would rather die a thousand Deaths, than place a dishonourable Part of my Body on thofe precious Hairs that once adorned her Majefty's Head. Of thefe Hairs (as I had always a mechanical Genius) I likewise made a neat little Purfe about five Foot long, with her Majefty's Name decyphered in Gold Letters; which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the Queen's Confent. To fay the Truth, it was more for Shew than Ufe, being not of Strength to bear the Weight of the larger Coins; and therefore he kept nothing in it, but fome little Toys that Girls are fond of.

THE King, who delighted in Mufick, had frequent. Concerts at Court, to which I was fometimes carried, and fet in my Box on a Table to hear them: But the Noife was fo great, that I could hardly diftinguifh the Tunes. I am confident, that all the Drums and Trumpets of a Royal Army, beating and founding together just at your Ears, could not equal it. My Practice was

to

to have my Box removed from the Place where the Performers fat, as far as I could; then to shut the Doors and Windows of it, and draw the Window-curtains ; after which I found their Mufick not disagreeable.

the

I had learned in my Youth to play a little upon Spinet; Glumdalclitch kept one in her Chamber, and a Mafter attended twice a Week to teach her. I call it a Spinet, because it somewhat resembled that Inftrument, and was played upon in the fame Manner. A Fancy came into my Head, that I could entertain the King and Queen with an English Tune upon this Inftrument. But this appeared extremely difficult: For the Spinet was near fixty Foot long, each Key being almost a Foot wide; so that, with my Arms extended, I could not reach to above five Keys; and to press them down required a good fmart Stroak with my Fift, which would be too great a Labour, and to no Purpofe. The Method I contrived was this: I prepared two round Sticks about the Bignefs of common Cudgels: 'They were thicker at one End than the other; and I covered the thicker End with a Piece of a Mouse's Skin, that by rapping on them, I might neither damage the Tops of the Keys, nor interrupt the Sound. Before the Spinet, a Bench was placed, about four Foot below the Keys, and I was put upon the Bench. I ran fidling upon it that way and this, as fast as I could, banging the proper Keys with my two Sticks ; and made a Shift to play a Jigg to the great Satisfaction of both their Majefties: But it was the moft violent Exercise I ever underwent, and yet I could not strike above fixteen Keys, nor, confequently, play the Bafs and Treble together, as other Artists do; which was a great Difadvantage to my Performance.

THE King, who, as I before observed, was a Prince of excellent Understanding, would frequently order that I fhould be brought in my Box, and fet upon the Table in his Clofet. He would then command me to bring one of my Chairs out of the Box, and fit down within three Yards Distance, upon the Top of the Cabinet; which brought me almost to a Level with his.

Face.

Face. In this Manner I had feveral Conversations with him. I one Day took the Freedom to tell his Majefty, that the Contempt he difcovered towards Europe and the reft of the World, did not feem anfwerable to thofe excellent Qualities of Mind that he was Mafter of. That Reason did not extend itself with the Bulk of the Body: On the contrary, we obferved in our Country, that the tallest Persons were usually least provided with it. That among other Animals, Bees and Ants had the Reputation of more Industry, Art, and Sagacity, than many of the larger Kinds: And that, as inconfiderable as he took me to be, I hope I might live to do his Majesty some signal Service. The King heard me with Attention; and began to conceive a much better Opinion of me, than he had ever before. He defired I would give him as exact an Account of the Government of England as I poffibly could; becaufe, as fond as Princes commonly are of their own Cuftoms, (for fo he conjectured of other Monarchs by my former Difcourfes) he fhould be glad to hear of any thing that might deferve Imitation.

IMAGINE with thyfelf, courteous Reader, how of ten I then wished for the Tongue of Demofthenes ar Cicero, that might have enabled me to celebrate the Praife of my own dear native Country, in a Style equal to its Merits and Felicity.

I began my Difcourfe by informing his Majefty, that our Dominions consisted of two Islands, which compofed three mighty Kingdoms under one Sovereign, befides our Plantations in America. I dwelt long upon the Fertility of our Soil, and the Temperature of our Climate. I then spoke at large upon the Conftitution of an English Parliament, partly made up of an illu. ftrious Body called the House of Peers, Perfons of the noblest Blood, and of the most antient and ample Patrimonies. I described that extraordinary Care always taken of their Education in Arts and Arms, to qualify them for being Counfellors born to the King and Kingdom; to have a Share in the Legiflature, to be Members of the higheft Court of Judicature, from whence

there

there could be no Appeal; and to be Champions always ready for the Defence of their Prince and Country, by their Valour, Conduct, and Fidelity. That these were the Ornament and Bulwark of this Kingdom; worthy Followers of their most renowned Ancestors, whofe Honour had been the Reward of their Virtue; from which their Pofterity were never once known to degenerate. To these were joined feveral holy Perfons, as Part of that Affembly, under the Title of Bishops; whofe peculiar Bufinefs it is, to take care of Religion, and of those who inftruct the People therein. Thefe were fearched and fought out through the whole Nation, by the Prince and wifeft Counsellors, among fuch of the Priesthood, as were moft deservedly diftinguished by the Sanctity of their Lives, and the Depth of their Erudition; who were indeed the fpiritual Fathers of the Clergy and the People.

THAT the other Part of the Parliament confifted of an Affembly called the Houfe of Commons; who were all principal Gentlemen, freely picked and culled out by the People themfelves, for their great Abilities and Love of their Country, to reprefent the Wifdom of the whole Nation. And these two Bodies make up the moft auguft Affembly in Europe; to whom, in Conjunction with the Prince, the whole Legislature is

committed.

I then defcended to the Courts of Justice, over which the Judges, thofe venerable Sages and Interpre ters of the Law, prefided, for determining the difputed Rights and Properties of Men, as well as for the Punifhment of Vice, and Protection of Innocence. I. mentioned the prudent Management of our Treasury; the Valour and Atchievements of our Forces by Sea and Land. I computed the Number of our People, by reckoning how many Millions there might be of each religious Sect, or political Party among us. I did not omit even our Sports and Paftimes, or any other Particular which I thought might redound to the Honour of my Country. And I finished all with a brief hiftorical