he thought, Nature and Reason were fufficient Guides for a reasonable Animal, as we pretended to be, in fhewing us what we ought to do, and what to avoid.

I affured his Honour, that Law was a Science wherein I had not much converfed, further than by employing Advocates, in vain, upon fome Injuftices that had been done me. However, I would give him all the Satisfaction I was able.

I faid there is a Society of Men among us, bred up from their Youth in the Art of proving, by Words multiplied for the Purpofe, that White is Black, and Black is White, according as they are paid. To this Society all the reft of the People are Slaves.

FOR Example. If my Neighbour hath a Mind to my Cow, he hires a Lawyer to prove that he ought to have my Cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my Right; it being against all Rules of Law, that any Man fhould be allowed to speak for himself. Now, in this Cafe, I, who am the true Owner, ly under two great Difadvantages. First, my Lawyer, being practifed almoft from his Cradle in defending Falfhood, is quite out of his Element when he would be an Advocate for Juftice, which as an Office unnatural, he always attempts with great Aukwardness, if not with ill Will. The fecond Difadvantage is, that my Lawyer muft proceed with great Caution ; or elfe he will be reprimanded by the Judges, and abhorred by his Brethren, as one who would leffen the Practice of the Law. And therefore I have but two Methods to preferve my Cow. The firft is, to gain over my Adverfary's Lawyer with a double Fee; who will then betray his Client, by infinuating that he hath Juftice on his Side. The fecond Way is, for my Lawyer to make my Cause appear as unjust as he can, by allowing the Cow to belong to my Adverfary; and this, if it be skilfully done, will certainly befpeak the Favour of the Bench.

Now, your Honour is to know, that thefe Judges are Perfons appointed to decide all Controverfies of Property, as well as for the Trial of Criminals; and VOL. III. picked

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picked out from the moft dexterous Lawyers, who are grown old or lazy; and having been biaffed all their Lives against Truth and Equity, ly under fuch a fatal Neceffity of favouring Fraud, Perjury and Oppreffion, that I have known fome of them to have refused a large Bribe from the Side where Justice lay, rather than injure the Faculty, by doing any thing unbecoming their Nature or their Office.

It is a Maxim among these Lawyers, that whatever hath been done before, may legally be done again: And therefore they take special Care to record all the Decifions formerly made against common Juftice and the general Reafon, of Mankind. Thefe, under the Name of Precedents, they produce as Authorities to justify the moft iniquitous Opinions; and the Judges never fail of directing accordingly.

IN pleading, they ftudioufly avoid entering into the Merits of the Caufe; but are loud, violent, and tedious in dwelling upon all Circumftances which are not to the Purpose. For Inftance, in the Cafe already mentioned: They never defire to know what Claim or Title my Adverfary hath to my Cow; but whether the faid Cow were red or black; her Horns long or short; whether the Field I graze her in be round or fquare; whether he were milked at home or abroad; what Diseases she is subject to, and the like. After which they confult Precedents, adjourn the Cause from Time to Time, and in ten, twenty, or thirty Years come to an Iffue.

Ir is likewife to be obferved, that this Society hath a peculiar Cant and Jargon of their own, that no other Mortal can-understand, and wherein all their Laws are written, which they take fpecial Care to multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very Effence of Truth and Falfhood, of Right and Wrong; fo that it will take thirty Years to decide whether the Field, left me by my Ancestors for fix Generations, belong to me, or to a Stranger three hundred Miles of.

In the Trial of Perfons accused for Crimes against the State, the Method is much more fhort and commendable: The Judge firft fends to found the Difpofition of thofe in Power; after which he can eafily hang or fave the Criminal, ftrictly preferving all the Forms of Law.

HERE my Mafter interpofing faid, it was a Pity that Creatures endued with fuch prodigious Abilities of Mind as thefe Lawyers, by the Defcription I gave of them, muft certainly be, were not rather encouraged to be Inftructors of others in Wisdom and Knowledge. In Anfwer to which, I affured his Honour, that in all Points out of their own Trade, they were ufually the most ignorant and ftupid Generation a mong us, the most defpicable in common Converfation, avowed Enemies to all Knowledge and Learning; and equally disposed to pervert the general Reafon of Mankind, in every other Subject of Discourse, as in that of their own Profeffion.

CHAP. VI.

Continuation of the State of England under Queen Anne. The Character of a firft Minifter in the Courts of Europe.

Y Mafter was yet wholly at a Lofs to under

M ftand what Motives could incite this Race of

Lawyers to perplex, difquiet, and weary themfelves by engaging in a Confederacy of Injuftice, merely for the Sake of injuring their Fellow-animals; neither could he comprehend what I meant in saying they did it for Hire. Whereupon I was at much Pains to defcribe to him the Ufe of Money, the Materials it was made of, and the Value of the Metals: That when a Yahoo had got a great Store of this precious Substance, he was able to purchase whatever he had a Mind to:

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the

the fineft Cloathing, the nobleft Houfes, great Tracts of Land, the most coftly Meats and Drinks; and have his Choice of the most beautiful Females. Therefore fince Money alone was able to perform all these Feats, our Yahoos thought they could never have enough of it to spend or to fave, as they found themfelves inclined from their natural Bent either to Profufion or Avarice. That the rich Man enjoyed the Fruit of the poor Man's Labour, and the latter were a thousand to one in proportion to the former. That the Bulk of our People was forced to live miferably, by labouring every Day for fmall Wages to make a few live plentifully. I enlarged myself much on thefe and many other Particulars to the fame Purpose: But his Honour was ftill to feek: For he went upon a Suppofition that all Animals had a Title to their Share in the Productions of the Earth; and efpecially those who prefided over the reft. Therefore he defired I would let him know, what these costly Meats were, and how any of us happened to want them. Whereupon I enumerated as many Sorts as came into my Head, with the various Methods of dreffing them, which could not be done without fending Veffels by Sea to every Part of the World, as well for Liquors to drink, as for Sauces, and innumerable other Conveniencies. I affured him, that this whole Globe of Earth must be at leaft three times gone round, before one of our better Female Yahoos could get her Breakfaft, or a Cup to put it in. He said, that muft needs be a miferable Country which cannot furnish Food for its own Inhabi tants. But what he chiefly wondered at, was how fuch vaft Tracts of Ground as I defcribed, fhould be wholly without fresh Water, and the People put to the Neceffity of fending over the Sea for Drink. I replied, that England (the dear Place of my Nativity) was computed to produce three times the Quantity of Food, more than its Inhabitants are able to confume, as well as Liquors extracted from Grain, or preffed out of the Fruit of certain Trees, which made excellent Drink; and the fame Proportion in every other Convenience of

Life. But, in order to feed the Luxury and Intemperance of the Males, and the Vanity of the Females, we fent away the greatest Part of our neceffary Things to other Countries, from whence in Return we brought the Materials of Difeafes, Folly, and Vice, to fpend among ourselves. Hence it follows of Neceflity, that vaft Numbers of our People are compelled to feek their Livelihood by Begging, Robbing, Stealing, Cheating, Pimping, Forfwearing, Flattering, Suborning, Forging, Gaming, Lying, Fawning, Hectoring, Voting, Scribling, Star-gazing, Poisoning, Whoring, Canting, Libelling, Free-thinking, and the like Occupations: Every one of which Terms. I was at much Pains to make him understand.

THAT Wine was not imported among us from foreign Countries, to fupply the Want of Water or other Drinks, but because it was a Sort of Liquid which made us merry, by putting us out of our Senfes; diverted all melancholy Thoughts, begat wild extravagant Imaginations in the Brain, raised our Hopes, and banished our Fears; fufpended every Office of Reafon for a Time, and deprived us of the Ufe of our Limbs, until we fell into a profound Sleep; although it must be confeffed, that we always awaked fick and difpirited; and that the Ufe of this Liquor filled us with Difeafes, which made our Lives uncomfortable and fhort.

But befide all this, the Bulk of our People fupported themselves by furnishing the Neceffities or Conveniencies of Life to the Rich, and to each other. For Inftance, when I am at home, and dreffed as I ought to be, I carry on my Body the Workmanship of an hundred Tradesmen; the Building and Furniture of my House employ as many more; and five Times the Number to adorn my Wife.

I was going on to tell him of another Sort of People, who get their Livelihood by attending the Sick; having upon fome Occasions informed his Honour that many of my Crew had died of Difeafes. But here it was with the utmoft Difficulty, that I brought him to apprehend

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