a

apprehend what I meant. He could easily conceive, that a Houyhnhnm grew weak and heavy a few Days before his Death, or by fome Accident might huft Limb. But that Nature, who worketh all Things to Perfection, should fuffer any Pains to breed in our Bodies, he thought impoffible; and defired to know the Reason of fo unaccountable an Evil. I told him, we' fed on a thousand Things, which operated contrary to each other: That we eat when we were not hungry, and drank without the Provocation of Thirft: That we fat whole Nights drinking strong Liquors, without eating a Bit; which difpofed us to Sloth, enflamed our Bodies, and precipitated or prevented Digeftion. That proftitute Female Yahoos acquired a certain Malady, which bred Rottennefs in the Bones of those who fell into their Embraces: That this and many other Diseases were propagated from Father to Son; fo that great Numbers come into the World with complicated Maladies upon them: That it would be endlefs to give him a Catalogue of all Diseases incident to human Bodies; for they could not be fewer than five or fix hundred, fpread over every Limb and Joint: In short, every Part, external and inteftine, having Dif eafes appropriated to each. To remedy which, there was a Sort of People bred up among us, in the Profeffion or Pretence of curing the Sick. And because I had fome Skill in the Faculty, I would, in Gratitude to his Honour, let him know the whole Mystery, and Method by which they proceed.

THEIR Fundamental is, that all Diseases arife from Repletion; from whence they conclude, that a great Evacuation of the Body is neceffary, either through the natural Paffage, or upwards at the Mouth. Their next Bufinefs is, from Herbs, Minerals, Gums, Oils, Shells, Salts, Juices, Sea-weed, Excrements, Barks of Trees, Serpents, Toads, Frogs, Spiders, dead Mens Flesh and Bones, Beafts and Fishes, to form a Compofition for Smell and Taste the most abominable, naufeous and deteftable, that they can poffibly contrive, which the Stomach immediately rejects with Loathing: And this

they

they call a Vomit. Or elfe from the fame Store-house, with fome other poisonous Additions, they command us to take in at the Orifice above or below, (juft as the Phyfician then happens to be difpofed) a Medicine equally annoying and difguftful to the Bowels; which relaxing the Belly, drives down all before it: And this they call a Purge or a Clyfter. For Nature (as the Phyficians alledge) having intended the fuperior anterior Orifice only for the Intromiffion of Solids and Liquids, and the inferior pofterior for Ejection, thefe Artifts ingeniously confidering, that in all Difeafes Nature is forced out of her Seat, therefore to replace her in it, the Body must be treated in a Manner directly contrary, by interchanging the Ufe of each Orifice, forcing Solids and Liquids in at the Anus, and making Evacuations at the Mouth.

BUT, befides real Diseases, we are fubject to many that are only imaginary, for which the Phyficians have invented imaginary Cures; thefe have their feveral Names, and fo have the Drugs that are proper for them; and with thefe our Female Yahoos are always infefted.

ONE great Excellency in this Tribe is their Skill at Prognofticks, wherein they feldom fail; their Predictions in real Diseases, when they rife to any Degree of Malignity, generally portending Death, which is always in their Power, when Recovery is not: And therefore, upon any unexpected Signs of Amendment, after they have pronounced their Sentence, rather than be accufed as falfe Prophets, they know how to approve their Sagacity to the World by a feasonable Dofe.

THEY are likewise of special Ufe to Husbands and Wives, who are grown weary of their Mates; to eldest Sons, to great Minifters of State, and often to Princes.

I had formerly upon Occafion difcourfed with my Mafter upon the Nature of Government in general, and particularly of our own excellent Conflitution, defervedly the Wonder and Envy of the whole World. But, having here accidentally mentioned a Minifter of State, he commanded me fome time after to inform him, what Species of Taboo particularly meant by that Appellation.

I

I told him, that a Firft or Chief Minister of State, whom I intended to defcribe, was a Creature wholly exempt fron Joy and Grief, Love and Hatred, Pity and Anger; at leaft makes ufe of no other Paffions but a violent Defire of Wealth, Power, and Titles: That he applies his Words to all Ufes, except to the Indication of his Mind: That he never tells a Truth, but with an Intent that you should take it for a Lie ; nor a Lie, but with a Defign that you should take it for a Truth: That thofe he speaks worst of behind their Backs, are in the fureft Way to Preferment; and whenever he begins to praife you to others or to yourfelf, you are from that Day forlorn. The worst Mark you can receive is a Promife, especially when it is confirmed with an Oath; after which every wife Man retires, and gives over all Hopes.

THERE are three Methods by which a Man may rife to be Chief Minifter The firft is, by knowing how with Prudence to difpofe of a Wife, a Daughter, or a Sifter: The fecond, by betraying or undermining his Predeceffor: And the third is, by a furious Zeal In publick Affemblies against the Corruptions of the Court. But a wife Prince would rather chufe to employ those who practise the last of these Methods; becaufe fuch Zealots prove always the moft obfequious and fubfervient to the Will and Paffions of their Mafter. That these Minifters having all Employments at their Difpofal, preferve themselves in Power by bribing the Majority of a Senate or great Council; and at laft, by an Expedient called An Act of Indemnity, (whereof I defcribed the Nature to him) they secure themselves from After-reckonings, and retire from the Publick, laden with the Spoils of the Nation.

THE Palace of a Chief Minifter is a Seminary to breed up others in his own Trade: The Pages, Lacqueys, and Porter, by imitating their Mafter, become Minifters of State in their feveral Districts, and learn to excel in the three principal Ingredients of Infolenée, Lying, and Bribery. Accordingly, they have a Subaltern Court paid to them by Perfons of the beft.

Rank; and sometimes by the Force of Dexterity and Impudence, arrive through feveral Gradations to be Succeffors to their Lord.

He is ufually governed by a decayed Wench or favourite Footman, who are the Tunnels through which all Graces are conveyed, and may properly be called, in the laft Refort, the Governors of the King dom.

ONE Day, my Mafter, having heard me mention the Nobility of my Country, was pleased to make me a Compliment, which I could not pretend to deferve; That he was fure I must have been born of fome noble Family, because I far exceeded in Shape, Colour, and Cleanlinefs, all the Taboos of his Nation, although I feemed to fail in Strength and Agility, which muft be imputed to my different Way of Living from those other Brutes; and befides, I was not only 'endued with the Faculty of Speech, but likewife with fome Rudiments of Reafon, to a Degree, that with all his Acquaintance I paffed for a Prodigy.

He made me obferve, that among the Houyhnhnms, the White, the Sorrel and the Iron-grey, were not fo exactly shaped as the Bay, the Dapple-grey, and the Black; nor born with equal Talents of Mind, or a Capacity to improve them; and therefore continued always in the Condition of Servants, without ever afpiring to Match out of their own Race, which in that Country would be reckoned monstrous and un natural,

I made his Honour my most humble Acknowledgments for the good Opinion he was pleased to conceive of me; but affured him at the fame time, that my Birth was of the lower Sort, having been born of plain honest Parents, who were juft able to give me a tolerable Education: That Nobility among us was altogether a different Thing from the Idea he had of it: That our young Noblemen are bred from their Childhood in Idlenefs and Luxury: That as foon as their Years will permit, they confume their Vigour, and contract odious Difeafes among lewd Females;

and

and when their Fortunes are almoft ruined, they marry fome Woman of mean Birth, difagreeable Perfon, and unfound Conftitution, merely for the Sake of Money, whom they hate and defpife. That the Production of fuch Marriages are generally fcrophulous, rickety, or deformed Children; by which Means the Family feldom continues above three Generations, unless the Wife take care to provide a healthy Father among her Neighbours, or Domefticks, in order to improve and continue the Breed: Thar a weak difeafed Body, a meagre Countenance, and fallow Complexion, are the true Marks of noble Blood; and a healthy robust Appearance is fo difgraceful in a Man of Quality, that the World concludes his real Father to have been a Groom or a Coachman. The Imperfections of his Mind run parallel with thofe of his Body; being a Compofition of Spleen, Dulnefs, Ignorance, Caprice, Senfuality and Pride.

WITHOUT the Consent of this illuftrious Body, no Law can be enacted, repealed, or altered: And thefe Nobles have likewife the Decifion of all our Poffeffions without Appeal.

The Author's great Love of his Native Country. His Mafter's Obfervations upon the Conftitution and Adminiftration of England, as described by the Author, with parallel Cafes and Comparisons. His Mafter's Obfervations upon human Nature.

TH

HE Reader may be difpofed to wonder how I could prevail on myself to give fo free a Reprefentation of my own Species, among a Race of Mortals who were already too apt to conceive the vileft Opinion of human Kind, from that entire Con gruity betwixt me and their raboos. But I muft frée

ly