Friday Morning, October 20. You must not, my dear ladies, expect me to be so very minute: if I am, must I not lose a hundred charming conversations? One, however, I will give you a little particularly. Your brother desired leave to attend me in my dressing-room-But how can I attempt to describe his air, his manner, or repeat the thousand agreeable things he said? Insensibly he fell into talking of future schemes, in a way that punctilio itself could not be displeased with. He had been telling me, that our dear Mr Deane, having been affected by his last indispo sition, had desired my uncle, my aunt, and him, to permit him to lay before them the state of his affairs, and the kind things he intended to do by his own relations; who, however, were all in happy circumstances. After which, he insisted upon Sir Charles's being his sole executor, which he scrupled; desiring that some other person should be joined with him in the trust: but Mr Deane being very earnest on this head, Sir Charles said, I hope I know my own heart: my dear Mr Deane, you must do as you please. After some other discourse, I suppose, said I, the good man will not part with us till the beginning of next week. Whenever you leave him, answered he, it will be to his regret ; it may therefore as well be soon: but I am sorry, methinks, that he, who has qualities which endear him to every one, should be so much alone as he is here. I have a great desire, when I can be so happy as to find myself a settled man, to draw into my neighbourhood friends who will dignify it. Mr Deane will, I hope, be often our visitor at the Hall. The love he bears to his dear god-daughter will be his inducement; and the air and soil being more dry and wholesome than this so near the fens, may be a means to prolong his valuable life. Dr Bartlett, continued he, has already carried into execution some schemes which relate to my indigent neighbours, and the lower class of my tenants. How does that excellent man revere Miss Byron !-My Beauchamp, with our two sisters and their lords, will be often with us. Your worthy cousins Reeves, Lord W, and his deserving lady, will also be our visitors, and we theirs, in turn. The Mansfield family are already within a few miles of me: and our Northamptonshire friends!-Visitors and visitedWhat happiness do I propose to myself and the beloved of my heart! And if (as you have generously wished) the dear Clementina may be happy, at least not unhappy, and her brother Jeronymo recover; what, in this world, can be wanting to crown our felicity? Tears of joy strayed down my cheek, unperceived by me, till they fell upon his hand, as it had mine in it. He kissed them away. I was abashed. If my dear Miss Byron permit me to go on, I have her advice to ask. I bowed my assent. My heart throbbed with painful joy: I could not speak. Will it not be too early, madam, to ask you about some matters of domestic concern? The lease of the house in St James's Square is expired. Some difficulties are made to renew it, unless on terms which I think unreasonable. I do not easily submit to imposition. Is there anything that you particularly like in the situation of that house? Houses, sir, nay, countries, will be alike to me, in the company of those I value. You are all goodness, madam. I will leave it to my sisters, to inquire after another house. I hope you will allow them to consult you as any one may offer. I will write to the owner of my present house, (who is solicitous to know my determination, and says he has a tenant ready, if I relinquish it,) that it will be at his command in three months' time. When my dear Miss Byron shall bless me with her hand, and our Northamptonshire friends will part with her, if she pleases, we will go directly to the Hall. I bowed, and intended to look as one who thought herself obliged. Restrain, check me, madam, whenever I seem to trespass on your goodness. Yet how shall I forbear to wish you to hasten the day that shall make you wholly mine?—You will the rather allow me to wish it, as you will then be more than ever your own mistress; though you have always been generously left to a discretion that never was more deservedly trusted to. Your will, madam, will ever comprehend mine. You leave me, sir, only room to say, that if gratitude can make me a merit with you, that began with the first knowledge I had of you: and it has been increasing ever since-I hope I never shall be ungrateful. Tears again strayed down my cheek. Why did I weep? Delicate sensibility! said he. He clasped his arms about me—) -But instantly withdrew them, as if recollecting himself-Pardon me, madam! Admiration will sometimes mingle with reverence. I must express my gratitude as a manMay my happy day be not far distant, that I may have no bound to my joy!-He took my hand, and again pressed it with his lips. My heart, madam, said he, is in your hand: you cannot but treat it graciously. Just then came in my Nancy [Why came she in? with the general expectation of us to breakfast-Breakfast!-What, thought I, is breakfast?-The world, my Charlotte !-But hush!-Withdraw, fond heart, from my pen! Can the dearest friend allow for the acknowledgment of impulses so fervent, and which, writing to the moment, as I may say, the moment only can justify revealing? He led me down stairs, and to my very seat, with an air so noble, yet so tender-My aunt, my Lucy, everybody-looked at me. My eyes betrayed my hardly-conquered emotion. Sir Charles's looks and behaviour were so respectful, that every one addressed me as a person of increased consequence. Do you think, Lady G, that Lord G-'s and Lord L's respectful behaviour to their wives do not as much credit to their own hearts, as to their ladies? How happy are you that you have recollected yourself, and now encourage not others, by your example, to make a jest of a husband's love!-Will you forgive me the recollection, for the sake of the joy I have in the reformation? But, on reading to my aunt and Lucy what I had written, I was ashamed to find, that when he was enumerating the friends he hoped to have near him, or about him, I had forgot to remind him of my Emily. Ungrateful Harriet !-But don't tell her that I was so absorbed in self, and that the conversation was so interesting, that my heart was more of a passive than an active machine at the time. I will soon find, or make, an occasion to be her solicitress. You once thought that Emily, for her own sake, should not live with us; but her heart is set upon it. Dear creature! I love her! I will soothe her! I will take her to my bosom!-I will, by my sisterly compassion, entitle myself to all her confidence: she shall have all mine. Nor shall her guardian suspect her-I will be as faithful to her secret, as you and Lady Lwere (thankfully I remember it!) to mine. Do you think, my dear, that if Lady Clementina [I bow to her merit whenever I name her to myself had had such a true, such a soothing friend, to whom she could have revealed the secret that oppressed her noble heart, while her passion was young, it would have been attended with such a deprivation of her reason, as made unhappy all who had the honour of being related to her? O My dear Lady G! I am undone! Emily is undone! We are all undone !-I am afraid so!-My intolerable carelessness!--I will run away from him! I cannot look him in the face! -But I am most, most of all, concerned for my Emily! Walking in the garden with Lucy, I dropt the last sheet, marked 6, of this letter." I missed it not till my aunt this minute told mé, that Sir Charles, crossing the walk which I had just before quitted, stopped, and took up a paper. Immediately my heart misgave me. I took out my letter: I thought I had it all—But the fatal, fatal sixth sheet, is wanting; that must be what he stooped for, and took up. What shall I do!-Sweet Emily! now will he never suffer you to live with him. All my own heart laid open too!-Such prattling also !—I cannot look him in the face-How shall I do, to get away to Shirley-Manor, and hide myself in the indulgent bosom of my grandmamma?-What affectation, after this, will it be, to refuse him his day!-But he demands audience of me.. Could anything (O the dear Emily!) have happened more mortifying to your HARRIET BYRON? LETTER CCXXVIII. MISS BYRON. [In continuation.] Friday Afternoon, October 20. I was all confusion, when he, looking as unconscious as he used to do, entered my dressingroom. I turned my face from him. He seemed surprised at my concern. Miss Byron, I hope, is well. Has anything disturbed you, madam? My paper, my paper! You took it up-For the world I would not-The poor Emily!-Give it me; give it me; and I burst into tears. Was there ever such a fool? What business had I to name Emily? He took it out of his pocket. I came to give it to you; putting it into my hand. I saw it was your writing, madam ; I folded it up immediately; it has not been unfolded since; not a single sentence did I permit myself to read. Are you sure, sir, you have not read it; nor any part of it ? Upon my honour I have not. I cleared up at once. A blessed reward, thought I, for denying my own curiosity, when pressed by my Charlotte to read a letter clandestinely obtained! A thousand, thousand thanks to you, sir, for not giving way to your curiosity. I should have been miserable, perhaps, for months, had you read that paper. You now indeed raise my curiosity, madam. Perhaps your generosity will permit you to gratify it; though I should not have forgiven myself, had I taken advantage of such an accident. Beginning, Why did I weep? p. 610. Friday Morning, October 20. You must not, my dear ladies, expect me to be so very minute: if I am, must I not lose a hundred charming conversations? One, however, I will give you a little particularly. Your brother desired leave to attend me in my dressing-room-But how can I attempt to describe his air, his manner, or repeat the thousand agreeable things he said? Insensibly he fell into talking of future schemes, in a way that punctilio itself could not be displeased with. He had been telling me, that our dear Mr Deane, having been affected by his last indisposition, had desired my uncle, my aunt, and him, to permit him to lay before them the state of his affairs, and the kind things he intended to do by his own relations; who, however, were all in happy circumstances. After which, he insisted upon Sir Charles's being his sole executor, which he scrupled; desiring that some other person should be joined with him in the trust: but Mr Deane being very earnest on this head, Sir Charles said, I hope I know my own heart: my dear Mr Deane, you must do as you please. After some other discourse, I suppose, said I, the good man will not part with us till the beginning of next week. Whenever you leave him, answered he, it will be to his regret; it may therefore as well be soon: but I am sorry, methinks, that he, who has qualities which endear him to every one, should be so much alone as he is here. I have a great desire, when I can be so happy as to find myself a settled man, to draw into my neighbourhood friends who will dignify it. Mr Deane will, I hope, be often our visitor at the Hall. The love he bears to his dear god-daughter will be his inducement; and the air and soil being more dry and wholesome than this so near the fens, may be a means to prolong his valuable life. Dr Bartlett, continued he, has already carried into execution some schemes which relate to my indigent neighbours, and the lower class of my tenants. How does that excellent man revere Miss Byron!-My Beauchamp, with our two sisters and their lords, will be often with us. Your worthy cousins Reeves, Lord W, and his deserving lady, will also be our visitors, and we theirs, in turn. The Mansfield family are already within a few miles of me: and our Northamptonshire friends!-Visitors and visitedWhat happiness do I propose to myself and the beloved of my heart!-And if (as you have generously wished) the dear Clementina may be happy, at least not unhappy, and her brother Jeronymo recover; what, in this world, can be wanting to crown our felicity? Tears of joy strayed down my cheek, unperceived by me, till they fell upon his hand, as it had mine in it. He kissed them away. I was abashed. If my dear Miss Byron permit me to go on, I have her advice to ask. I bowed my assent. My heart throbbed with painful joy: I could not speak. Will it not be too early, madam, to ask you about some matters of domestic concern? The lease of the house in St James's Square is expired. Some difficulties are made to renew it, unless on terms which I think unreasonable. I do not easily submit to imposition. Is there anything that you particularly like in the situation of that house? Houses, sir, nay, countries, will be alike to me, in the company of those I value. You are all goodness, madam. I will leave it to my sisters, to inquire after another house. I hope you will allow them to consult you as any one may offer. I will write to the owner of my present house, (who is solicitous to know my determination, and says he has a tenant ready, if I relinquish it,) that it will be at his command in three months' time. When my dear Miss Byron shall bless me with her hand, and our Northamptonshire friends will part with her, if she pleases, we will go directly to the Hall. I bowed, and intended to look as one who thought herself obliged. Restrain, check me, madam, whenever I seem to trespass on your goodness. Yet how shall I forbear to wish you to hasten the day that shall make you wholly mine?-You will the rather allow me to wish it, as you will then be more than ever your own mistress; though you have always been generously left to a discretion that never was more deservedly trusted to. Your will, madam, will ever comprehend mine. You leave me, sir, only room to say, that if gratitude can make me a merit with you, that began with the first knowledge I had of you: and it has been increasing ever since-I hope I never shall be ungrateful. Tears again strayed down my cheek. Why did I weep? Delicate sensibility! said he. He clasped his arms about me-But instantly withdrew them, as if recollecting himself-Pardon me, madam! Admiration will sometimes mingle with reverence. I must express my gratitude as a manMay my happy day be not far distant, that I may have no bound to my joy!-He took my hand, and again pressed it with his lips. My heart, madam, said he, is in your hand: you cannot but treat it graciously. Just then came in my Nancy [Why came she in with the general expectation of us to breakfast-Breakfast!-What, thought I, is breakfast?—The world, my Charlotte!-But hush!-Withdraw, fond heart, from my pen! Can the dearest friend allow for the acknowledgment of impulses so fervent, and which, writing to the moment, as I may say, the moment only can justify revealing? He led me down stairs, and to my very seat, with an air so noble, yet so tender-My aunt, my Lucy, everybody-looked at me. My eyes betrayed my hardly-conquered emotion. Sir Charles's looks and behaviour were so respectful, that every one addressed me as a person of increased consequence. Do you think, Lady G, that Lord G's and Lord L's respectful behaviour to their wives do not as much credit to their own hearts, as to their ladies? How happy are you that you have recollected yourself, and now encourage not others, by your example, to make a jest of a husband's love!-Will you forgive me the recollection, for the sake of the joy I have in the reformation? I HAVE read this letter, just now, to my aunt and Lucy, all except this last saucy hint to you. They clasped me each in their arms, and said, They admired him, and were pleased with me. Instruct me, my dear ladies, how to behave in such a manner, as may shew my gratitude; (I had almost said my love;) yet not go so very far, as to leave the day, the hour, everything, to his determination ! But, on reading to my aunt and Lucy what I had written, I was ashamed to find, that when he was enumerating the friends he hoped to have near him, or about him, I had forgot to remind him of my Emily. Ungrateful Harriet !—But don't tell her that I was so absorbed in self, and that the conversation was so interesting, that my heart was more of a passive than an active machine at the time. I will soon find, or make, an occasion to be her solicitress. You once thought that Emily, for her own sake, should not live with us; but her heart is set upon it. Dear creature! I love her! I will soothe her! I will take her to my bosom!-I will, by my sisterly compassion, entitle myself to all her confidence: she shall have all mine. Nor shall her guardian suspect her I will be as faithful to her secret, as you and Lady Lwere (thankfully I remember it!) to mine. Do you think, my dear, that if Lady Clementina [I bow to her merit whenever I name her to myself had had such a true, such a soothing friend, to whom she could have revealed the secret that oppressed her noble heart, while her passion was young, it would have been attended with such a deprivation of her reason, as made unhappy all who had the honour of being related to her? O My dear Lady G! I am undone ! Emily is undone! We are all undone !—I am afraid so! My intolerable carelessness!--I will run away from him! I cannot look him in the face! -But I am most, most of all, concerned for my Emily! Walking in the garden with Lucy, I dropt the last sheet, marked 6, of this letter." I missed it not till my aunt this minute told me, that Sir Charles, crossing the walk which I had just before quitted, stopped, and took up a paper. Immediately my heart misgave me. I took out my letter: I thought I had it all-But the fatal, fatal sixth sheet, is wanting; that must be what he stooped for, and took up. What shall I do!-Sweet Emily! now will he never suffer you to live with him. All my own heart laid open too!-Such prattling also!-I cannot look him in the face!-How shall I do, to get away to Shirley-Manor, and hide myself in the indulgent bosom of my grandmamma?-What affectation, after this, will it be, to refuse him his day! But he demands audience of me.. Could anything (0 the dear Emily !) have happened more mortifying to your HARRIET BYRON? LETTER CCXXVIII. · MISS BYRON. [In continuation.] Friday Afternoon, October 20. I WAS all confusion, when he, looking as unconscious as he used to do, entered my dressingroom. I turned my face from him. He seemed surprised at my concern. Miss Byron, I hope, is well. Has anything disturbed you, madam ? My paper, my paper! You took it up-For the world I would not-The poor Emily!-Give it me; give it me; and I burst into tears. Was there ever such a fool? What business had I to name Emily? He took it out of his pocket. I came to give it to you; putting it into my hand. I saw it was your writing, madam; I folded it up immediately; it has not been unfolded since; not a single sentence did I permit myself to read. Are you sure, sir, you have not read it; nor any part of it ? Upon my honour I have not. I cleared up at once. A blessed reward, thought I, for denying my own curiosity, when pressed by my Charlotte to read a letter clandestinely obtained! A thousand, thousand thanks to you, sir, for not giving way to your curiosity. I should have been miserable, perhaps, for months, had you read that paper. You now indeed raise my curiosity, madam. Perhaps your generosity will permit you to gratify it; though I should not have forgiven myself, had I taken advantage of such an accident. Beginning, Why did I weep? p. 610. I will tell you the contents of some parts of it, sir. Those which relate to my Emily, if you please, madam. The poor Emily, you said.-You have alarmed me. Perhaps I am not to be quite happy!-What of poor Emily! Has the girl been imprudent?-Has she already-What of the poor Emily? And his face glowed with impatience. No harm, sir, of Emily!-Only a request of the dear girl! [What better use could I have made of my fright, Lady G? But the manner of my mentioning it, I would not for the world you should have seen. No harm, you say !—I was afraid, by your concern for her-But can you love her, as well as ever?-If you can, Emily must still be good. I can. I do. What then, dear madam, of poor Emily? Why poor Emily ? I wl tell you. The dear girl makes it her reque that I will procure of you one favour for her: her heart is set upon it. If Emily continue good, she shall only signify her wish, and I will comply. If I am not a father to her, is she not fatherless? Allow me, sir, to call you kind! good! huinane! What I want of those qualities, Miss Byron will teach me, by her example-But what would my Emily? She would live with her guardian, sirWith me, madam ?—And with you, madam? -Tell me, own to me, madam. And with you? That is her wish And does my beloved Miss Byron think it a right wish to be granted? Will she be the instructing friend, the exemplary sister, now in that time of the dear girl's life, when the eye, rather than the judgment, is usually the director of a young woman's affections? I love the sweet innocent: I could wish her to be always with me. Obliging goodness! Then is one of my cares over. A young woman, from fourteen to twenty, is often a troublesome charge upon a friendly heart. I could not have asked this favour of you. You rejoice me by mentioning it. Shall I write a letter, in your name, to Emily? There, sir, are pen, ink, and paper. I bowed assent; mistrusting nothing. He wrote and doubling down, shewed me only these words,-" My dear Miss Jervois, I have obtained for you the desired favour-Will you not continue to be as good as you have hitherto been? That is all which is required of my Emily, by her ever affectionate " I instantly wrote, "Harriet Byron.”—But, sir, what have you doubled down? Charming confidence!-What must he be who could attempt to abuse it ?-Read, madam, what you have signed. I did. How my heart throbbed.—And could Sir Charles Grandison, said I, thus intend to deceive? Could Sir Charles Grandison be such a plotter? Thank God you are not a bad man. After the words, I have obtained for you the desired favour, followed these: "You must be very good. You must resolve to give me nothing but joy; joy equal to the love I have for you, and to the sacrifice I have made to oblige you. Go down, my love, as soon as you can, to Grandison-Hall: I shall then have one of the sisters of my heart there to receive me. If you are there in less than a fortnight, I will endeavour to be with you in a fortnight after. I sacrifice, at least, another fortnight's punctilio to oblige you. And will you not continue to be as good as you have hitherto been? That is all which is required of my Emily, by," &c. Give me the paper, sir; holding out my hand for it. Have I forfeited my character with you, madam?-holding it back, with an air of respectful gaiety. I must consider, sir, before I give you an an swer. If I have, why should I not send it away; and, as Miss Byron cannot deny her hand-writing, hope to receive the benefit of the supposed deceit? Especially as it will answer so many good ends; for instance, your own wishes in Emily's favour; as it will increase your own power of obliging; and be a means of accelerating the happiness of a man, whose principal joy will be in making you happy. Was it not a pretty piece of deceit, Lady G? Shall I own, that my heart was more inclined to reward than punish him for it? And really, for a moment, I thought of the impracticableness of complying with the request, as if I was seriously pondering upon it, and was sorry it was not practicable. To get away from my dear Mr Deane, thought I, who will not be in haste to part with us; some female bustlings to be got over on our return to Selby-House; proposal renewed, and a little paraded with; Why, Lady G, did you tell me that our sex is a foolish sex? the preparation; the ceremony; the awful ceremony! the parting with the dearest and most indulgent friends that ever young creature was blessed with; and to be at Grandison-Hall, all within one month!-Was there ever so precipitating a man? I believe verily, that I appeared to him as if I were considering of it; for he took advantage of my silence, and urged me to permit him to send away to Emily what he had written; and offered to give reasons for his urgency: Written as it is, said he, by me, and signed by you, how will the dear girl rejoice at the consent of both, under our hands! And will she not take the caution given her in it from me, as kindly as she will your mediation in her favour? |