cativeness; and promised, if ever I had the good fortune to return to my native country, that I would do him justice, as the fole inventor of this wonderful machine; the form and contrivance of which I defired leave to delineate upon paper, as in the figure here annexed. I told him, although it were the cuf tom of our learned in Europe to fteal inventions from each other, who had thereby at least this advantage, that it became a controverfy which was the right owner; yet I would take fuch caution, that he should have the honour intire without a rival. We next went to the fchool of languages, where three profeffors fat in confultation upon improving that of their own country. The first project was to fhorten difcourfe by cutting polyfyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and participles; because in reality all things imaginable are but nouns. The other project was a scheme for intirely abolishing all words whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health, as well as brevity. For it is plain, that every word we fpeak, is in fome degree a diminution of our lungs by corrofion; and confequently contributes to the fhortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore offered, that fince words are only names for things, it would be more convenient for all men to carry about them fuch things as were neceffary to exprefs the particular business they are to difcourfe on. And this invention would cer tainly have taken place, to the great eafe as well as health of the subject, if the women in conjunction with the vulgar and illiterate had not threatened to raise a rebellion, unless they might be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues after the manner of their forefathers, fuch conftant irreconcileable enemies to science are the common people. However, many of the most learned and wife adhere to the new scheme of exprefling themfelves by things; which hath only this inconvenience attending it, that if a man's business be very great and of various kinds, he must be obliged in proportion to carry a greater bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford one or two ftrong fervants to attend him. I have often beheld two of thofe fages almost finking under the weight of their packs, like pedlars among us; who, when they met in the streets, would lay down their loads, open their facks, and hold converfation for an hour together; then put up their implements, help each other to refume their burthens, and take their leave. But for fhort converfations a man may carry implements in his pockets and under his arms enough to fupply him; and in his house he cannot be at a lofs. Therefore the room, where company meet who practise this art, is full of all things ready at hand requifite to furnish matter for this kind of artificial converse. Another great advantage propofed by this invention was, that it would ferve as an univerfal language to be understood in all civilized nations, whofe goods and utenfils are generally of the fame kind, or nearly resembling, fo that their uses might eafily be comprehended. And thus ambassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign princes, or ministers of state, to whose tongues they were utter ftrangers. I was at the mathematical fchool, where the mafter taught his pupils after a method fcarce imaginable to us in Europe. The propofition and demonftration were fairly written on a thin wafer with ink compofed of a cephalic tincture. This the ftudent was to swallow upon a fafting ftomach, and for three days following eat nothing but bread and water. As the wafer digefted, the tincture mounted to his brain, bearing the propofition along with it. But the fuccefs hath not hitherto been anfwerable, partly by fome error in the quantum or compofition, and partly by the perverfenefs of lads; to whom this bolus is fo naufeous, that they generally fteal afide and difcharge it upwards, before it can operate; neither have they been yet perfuaded to use so long an abftinence as the prefcription requires. CHAP. CHAP. VI. A further account of the academy. The author propofes fome improvements, which are honourably received. IN N the school of political projectors I was but ill entertained; the profeffors appearing in my judgment wholly out of their fenfes ; which is a fcene, that never fails to make me melancholy. These unhappy people were propofing fchemes for perfuading monarchs to chufe favourites upon the fcore of their wisdom, capacity, and virtue; of teaching ministers to confult the public good; of rewarding merit, great abilities, and eminent fervices; of inftructing princes to know their true intereft, by placing it on the fame foundation with that of their people; of chufing for employments perfons qualified to exercise them; with many other wild impoffible chimæras, that never entered before into the heart of man to conceive; and confirmed in me the old obfervation, that there is nothing fo extravagant and irational, which fome philofophers have not. maintained for truth. But however, I fhall fo far do juftice to this part of the academy, as to acknowledge that all of them were not fo vifionary. There was a most ingenious doctor, who feemed to be perfectly versed in the whole nature and fyftem of government. This illuftrious perfon R 4 had had very usefully employed his ftudies in finding out effectual remedies for all diseases and corruptions, to which the feveral kinds of public administration are fubject by the vices or infirmities of those who govern, as well as by the licentiousness of those who are to obey. For inftance; whereas all writers and reasoners have agreed, that there is a strict univerfal resemblance between the natural and the political body; can there be any thing more evident, than that the health of both must be preferved and the difeafes cured by the fame prefcriptions? It is allowed, that fenates and great counfels are often troubled with redundant, ebullient, and other peccant humours; with many diseases of the head, and more of the heart; with ftrong convulfions, with grievous contractions of the nerves and finews in both hands, but especially the right; with fpleen, flatus, vertigos and deliriums; with fcrophulous tumours full of fœtid purulent matter; with four frothy ructations; with canine appetites, and crudeness of digestion, befides many others needlefs to mention. This doctor therefore propofed, that upon the meeting of a fenate certain phyficians fhould attend at the three first days of their fitting, and at the close of each day's debate feel the pulfes of every senator; after which, having maturely confidered and confulted upon the nature of the several maladies and the methods of cure, they should on the fourth day return to the fenate-house attended by their apothecaries ftored |