A RHAPSODY.

As I walked by myself, I said to myself,
And myself said again to me,

Look to thyself, take care of thyself,

For nobody cares for thee:

Then I said to myself, and thus answer'd myself,
With the self-same rapartee,

Look to thyself, or look not to thyself,

'Tis the self-same thing to me.

There was a lady of a noble family, who saw of her own race, even to the sixth degree; whereof the Germans made this distich: Mater ait natæ, dic natæ, filiâ, natam Ut moneat natæ, plangere filiolam.

Thus Englished by Hakwell :

The aged mother to her daughter spake,
"Daughter," said she, "Arise;

Thy daughter to her daughter take,
Whose daughter's daughter cries."

GOOD WIVES

Should resemble three things, which three things they should not resemble.

Good wives to snails should be akin,
Always their houses keep within ;—
But not to carry (fashion's hacks,)
All they are worth upon their backs.

Good wives, like city clocks, should be
Exact, with regularity;

But not like city clocks, so loud,
Be heard by all the vulgar crowd.

Good wives, like echo, should be true,
And speak but when they're spoken to ;-
Yet not like echo, so absurd,

To have for ever the last word!

LADY MAYORESS OF YORK.

By immemorial custom the Lady Mayoress can, if she choose, retain the prefix of Lady before her surname for the remainder of

her life. The following rhyme is quoted as the authority for this

custom :

The mayor is a lord for a year and a day,
But his wife is a lady for ever and aye.

IRISH QUARTERS.

More than four quarters in the year,
Could never yet be made appear;
Till Parl'ment omnipotently great,
Received a Bill creating eight.

The Bill introduced into the Irish Parliament, was for increasing the number of Quarter Sessions.

LINES TO THE COURT OF INSOLVENT DEBTORS.

RISU SOLVUNTUR TABULE.

A blackleg late and prisoner, hence I go

In whitewashed splendour, pure as unsunned snow;
Dissolved my bonds; dissolved my cares and fears;
My very creditors dissolved-in tears;

All questions solved: the act resolves me free,
Absolved in absolute insolvency.

Translated by the late Rev. R. H. Barham.

A RECEIPT GIVEN TO A LAWYER BY A CLIENT.

Received of Mr. J- -s C- -t, as much law

As comes to five pounds four and tenpence in cash,
For drawing a lease, and so on, without flaw,
And attendance in person to settle the hash.
This making a balance of goods had of me
At different periods, in sugar and tea.

LEGAL JEU D'ESPRIT.

It is said that Lord Mansfield was in the habit of using the expression, "Look ye, d'ye see!" and that seeing in Court a barrister who was reported to be turning Coke upon Littleton into verse, the judge asked him publicly how he got on, and said he should

like to hear some of it.

The barrister replied, "My lord, I have

only got as far as the first section, which I have arranged thus :

Tenant in fee,

Simple is he

That hath lands of his own tight and clever;

For, please you, my lord,

And look'e d'ye see,

They are to him and his heirs for ever,"

FORENSIC JOCULARITY.

This is an actual legal report, literally quoted of a question arising under the law of settlement (Poor Laws). It is also strictly good law. S, P.

A woman, having a settlement,
Married a man with none;

The question was, he being dead,
If that she had was gone.

Quoth Sir John Pratt, "Her settlement
Suspended did remain

Living the husband, but him dead,
It did revive again.

Chorus of Puisne Judges,

----

Living the husband, but him dead,
It did revive again.

FORENSIC JOCULARITIES.

Intended to characterise four worthies of the last generation.

Mr. Leech made a speech,
Neat, concise, and strong;
Mr. Hart, on the other part,
Was wordy, dull, and wrong;
Mr. Parker made it darker,
"Twas dark enough without;
Mr. Cooke cited his book,

And the Chancellor said,-I doubt.

A Picture of Chancery Days, when George III, was King.

Medical.

"Throw physic to the dogs."

FRAGMENTS:

Probably written during illness.-THOS. HOOD.
I'm sick of gruel and the dietetics,
I'm sick of pills, and sicker of emetics,
I'm sick of pulse's tardiness or quickness,
I'm sick of blood, its thinness or its thickness-
In short within a word, I'm sick of sickness.

CURE FOR A COLD.

(ON RECORD SINCE 1430.)

Put your feet in hot water
As high as your thighes;
Wrappe your head up in flannelle
As low as your eyes;
Take a quart of rum'd gruelle
When in bed as a dose ;

With a number four dippe
Well tallow your nose.

A NEVER-FAILING CURE FOR SNORING.

Your late correspondent need not be despondent,
Though his case most piteous might be ;
For, 'tis my conviction, my simple prescription
Would silence the snores of his ladie.
In treating diseases we look to their causes,
Or vainly attempt to remove them;

Our patients still ailing, our remedies failing,
Content must we be to relieve them.

Now, 'tis my impression, the morbid condition
Of matrons addicted to snoring,

May spring from repletion, or nightly potation,
Which sets jolly bacchanals roaring.

Admit this the reason, 'twere surely no treason
To lighten the suppers of snorers;

Nor would it be cruel to substitute gruel

In lieu of their spirit-restorers.

But should they persist in this sleep-killing system,
And snore away loudly as ever,

A terror to tabbies, disturbing the laddies,
And keeping their spouse in a fever,
It need not occasion much procrastination,
Or pausing with aloes to dose 'em,

But suddenly wheedle the point of a needle
"Right bang" through their "rete-mucosum.

Should they still in defiance repeat the annoyance,
In close imitation of "grunters,

Your only resource is, apply to their noses

The famed panacea of Hunter's:

Though somewhat ungracious, though rather vexatious,
And not very courteous to fairies,"

66

Regard not their lugging, but set about plugging

Their "antero-posterior nares."

From the Family Herald, 1861.

Practitioner.

CHARLES H. G., a Medical

BIOGRAPHICAL NOTICES.

The Merry Musician; or a cure for the spleen: being a collection of most interesting Songs and pleasant Ballads set to Musick; adapted to every taste and humour, together with a curious compound of State Pills, to allay the malady of Malecontents.

Here mirth and musick both appear,

And songs diverting, new and rare ;
Biting satyr, smooth tho' keen,
The surest physic for the Spleen,
By which, both age and youth may be
From indolence and vapours free.

An Antidote against melancholy: made up in Pills, compounded of witty ballads, jovial songs, and merry catches.

These witty poems though sometimes may
Seem to be built on crutches,

Yet they'll all merrily please you, for
Your charge, which not much is.

* A net-work, so named, situated within the skin.

†The nostrils in front (or ordinary nostrils) and the nostrils behind the nose, leading to the throat; both of which are frequently plugged in cases of severe nose bleeding. They are, therefore, the anterior and posterior nostrils, through which we commonly breathe.