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to iuvent any thing that tends to Laughter, more than I invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in my felf, but the Cause that Wit is in other Men. I do here walk before thee, like a Sow, that hath overwhelmed all her Litter, but one. If the Prince put thee into my Service for any other Reason, than to fet me off, why then I have no Judgment. Thou whorfon Mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my Cap, than to wait at my Heels. I was never mann'd with an Agot 'till now: But I will fet you neither in Gold nor Silver, but in vile Apparel, and fend you back again to your Mafter, for a Jewel. The Juvenil, the Prince your Mafter! whofe Chin is not yet fledg'd; I will fooner have a Beard grow in the Palm of my Hand, than he fhall get one on his Cheek: Yet he will not stick to fay, his Face is a Face-Royal. Heav'n may finifh it when he will, it is not a Hair amifs yet: He may keep it ftill as a Face-Royal, for a Barber shall never earn Sixpence out of it; and yet he will be crowing, as if he had writ Man ever fince his Father was a Batchelor. He may keep his own Grace, but he is almoft out of mine, I can affure him. What faid Mr. Dombledon, about the Satten for my fhort Cloak, and Slops?

Page. He faid, Sir, you fhould procure him better affurance than Bardolph: He would not take his Bond and yours, he lik'd not the Security.

Fal. Let him be damn'd like the Glutton, may his Tongue be hotter, a whorfon Achitopkel, a Rafcally-yea-forfoothknave, to bear a Gentleman in Hand, and then ftand upon Security? The whorfon fmooth-pates do now wear nothing but high Shces, and Bunches of Keys at their Girdles; and if a Man is through with them in honest taking up, then they muft ftand upon Security: I had as lief they would put Rats-bane in my Mouth, as offer to ftop it with Security. I looked he fhould have fent me two and twenty Yards of Satten, as I am a true Knight, and he fends me Security. Well, he may fleep in Security, for he hath the Horn of Abundance. And the lightnefs of his Wife fhines through it, and yet cannot he fee, tho' he have his own Lanthorn to light him. Where's Bardolph ?

Page.

Page. He's gone into Smithfield to buy your Worship a

Horse.

Fal. I bought him in Pauls, and he'll buy me a Horse in Smithfield. If I could get me a Wife in the Stews, I were Mann'd, Hors'd, and Wiv'd.

Enter Chief Justice, and Servants.

Page. Sir, here comes the Nobleman that committed the Prince for ftriking him, about Bardolph. Fal. Wait clofe, I will not fee him. Ch. Juft. What's he, that goes there? Serv. Falstaff, and't please your Lordship.

Ch. Juft. He that was in queftion for the Robbery? Serv. He, my Lord. But he hath fince done good Service at Shrewsbury: And, as I hear, is now going with fome Charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.

Ch. Juft. What, to York? Call him back again.
Serv. Sir John Falstaff.

Fal. Boy, tell him I am deaf.

Page. You must speak louder, my Mafter is deaf.

Ch. Fuft. I am fure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.: Go pluck him by the Elbow. I must speak with him. Serv. Sir John.

Fal. What! a young Knave and beg! Are there not Wars? Is there not Employment? Doth not the King lack Subjects? Do not the Rebels want Soldiers? Though it be a fhame to be on any fide but one, it is worse shame to beg, than to be on the worft fide, were it worse than the Name of Rebellion can tell how to make it.

Serv. You miftake me, Sir.

Fal. Why, Sir, did I fay you were an honeft Man? Setting my Knight-hood, and my Soldierfhip afide, I had lied in my Throat, if I had said so.

Serv. I pray you, Sir, then fet your Knight-hood and your Soldierfhip afide, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your Throat, if you fay I am any other than an ho

neft Man.

Fal. I give thee leave to tell me fo? I lay afide that which grows to me? If thou gett'ft any leave of me, hang me; if thou tak'ft leave, thou wer't better be hang'd: You Hunt counter, hence; avaunt.

Serv. Sir, my Lord would speak with you.
Ch. Juft. Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.

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Fal. My good Lord! give your Lordship good time of the Day. I am glad to fee your Lordship abroad; I heard fay, your Lordship was fick. I hope your Lordship goes abroad by advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your Youth, hath yet fome fmack of Age in you: Some relifh of the Saltnefs of time; and I moft humbly befeech your Lord fhip, to have a reverend care of your Health.

Ch. Juft. Sir John, I fent for you before your Expedition to Shrewsbury.

Fal. If it pleafe your Lord fhip, I hear his Majesty is return'd with fome difcomfort from Wales.

Ch. Juft. I talk not of his Majefty: You would not come when I fent for you?

Fal And I hear moreover, his Highness is fall'n into this fame wherson Apoplexy.

Ch. Just. Well, Heav'n mend him. I pray let me speak with you,

Fal. This Apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of Lethargy, a fleeping of the Blood, a whorfon Tingling.

Ch. Juft. What tell you me of it? Be it as it is.

Fal. It hath its original from much Grief; from Study and Perturbation of the Brain. I have read the Cause of its Effects in Galen. It is a kind of Deafness.

Ch. Juft. I think you are fal'n into that Disease: For you hear not what I fay to you.

Fal. Very well, my Lord, very well: Rather, an't please you, it is the Disease of not Liftning, the Malady of not Marking, that I am troubled withal.

Ch. Juft. To punish you by the Heels, would amend the attention of your Ears, and I care not if I be your Phyfician,

Fal. I am as poor as Job, my Lord; but not fo patient: Your Lordship may minifter the Potion of Imprisonment to me, in respect of Poverty: But how I fhould be your Patient to follow your Prescriptions, the Wife may make fome Dram of a Scruple, or indeed, a Scruple it self.

Ch. Just

Ch. Juft. I fent for you, when there were matters a gainst you for your Life, to fpeak with me.

Fal. As I was then advis'd by my Learned Counsel, in the Laws of this Land-fervice, I did not come,

Ch. Juft. Well the truth is, Sir John, you live in great Infamy.

Fal. He that buckles him in my Belt, cannot live in lefs. Ch. Juft. Your Means is very flender, and your Waste great.

Fal. I would it were otherwife: I would my Means were greater, and my Wafte flenderer.

Ch. Juft. You have mif-led the youthful Prince.

Fal. The young Prince hath mif-led me. I am the Fellow with the great Belly, and he my Dog.

Ch. Fuft. Well, I am loth to gall a new-heal'd Wound; your Day's Service at Shrefwbury, hath a little gilded over your Night's Exploit on Gads-hill. You may thank the unquiet time, for your quiet o'er posting that Action. Fal. My Lord?

Ch. Juft. But fince all is well, keep it so: Wake not a fleeping Wolf.

Fal. To wake a Wolf, is as bad as to smell a Fox.

Ch. Juft. What? You are as a Candle, the better part

burnt out.

Fal. A Waffel Candle, my Lord; all Tallow: If I did fay of Wax, my growth would approve the truth.

Ch. Juft. There is not a white Hair on your Face, but fhould have his Effect of Gravity.

Fal. His Effect of gravy, gravy, gravy.

Ch. Fuft. You follow the young Prince up and down, like his evil Angel.

Fal. Not fo, my Lord, your ill Angel is light: But I hope, he that looks upon me, will take me without weighing; and yet, in fome refpects I grant, I cannot go; I cannot tell Virtue is of fo little regard in these Coftor-mongers Days, that true Valour is turned Bear-herd. Pregnancy is made a Tapfter, and hath his quick Wit wafted in giving Recknings; all the other Gifts appertinent to Man, as the malice of this Age fhapes them, are not worth a Goofe-berry. You that are old, confider

not

not the Capacities of us that are young; you measure the heat of our Livers, with the bitterness of your Galls; and we that are in the vaward of our Youth, 1 muft confefs, are Wags too.

Ch. Juft. Do you fet down your Name in the Scrowl of Youth, that are written down old, with all the Characters of Age? Have you not a moift Eye? a dry Hand? a yellow Cheek? a white Beard? a decreafing Leg? an increafing Belly? is not your Voice broken? your Wind fhort? your Wit fingle? and every part about you blafted with Antiquity? and will you call your felf young? fie, fie, fie, Sir John.

Fal. My Lord, I was born with a white Head, and fomething a round Belly. For my Voice, I have loft it with hollowing and finging of Anthems. To approve my Youth further, I will not. The truth is, I am only old in Judgment and Underftanding, and he that will caper with me for a thousand Marks, let him lend me the Mony, and have at him. For the Box o'th' Ear that the Prince gave you, he gave it like a rude Prince, and you took it like a fenfible Lord. I have checkt him for it, and the young Lion repents: Marry not in Afhes and Sack-cloth, but in new Silk, and old Sack.

Ch. Juft. Well, Heav'n fend the Prince a better Compapanion.

Fal. Heav'n fend the Companion a better Prince: I can not rid my Hands of him.

Ch. Juft. Well, the King hath sever'd you and Prince Harry, I hear you are going with Lord John of Lancafter, against the Archbishop, and the Earl of Northumberland.

Fal. Yes, I thank your pretty fweet Wit for it; but look you pray, ally l you that kifs my Lady Peace at home, that our Armies join not in a hot Day: For I take but two Shirts out with me, and I mean not to fweat extraordinarily: If it be a hot Day, if I brandifh any thing but my Bottle, would I might never spit white again. There is not a dangerous Action can peep out his Head, but I am thruft upon it. Well, I cannot laft ever.

Ch. Juft.