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Illa oculos tentat nequicquam aperire, veterno
Torpida, & horrendo vultum distorta cachinno.
Emulus hanc Jovis afpiciens, qui fictile vulgus
Fecerat infelix, imitarier arte Prometheus
Audet---nec flammis opus eft cœleftibus: auræ
Tres Stygiæ flatus, nigræ tria pocula Lethes
Mifcet, & innuptæ fufpiria longa puellæ,
His adipem fuis & guttur conjungit aselli,
Tenfaque cum gemitu fomnifque fequacibus ora.
Sic etiam in terris Dea, quæ mortalibus ægris
Ferret opem, inque hebetes dominarier apta, creata est.



Nonne vides, ut præcipiti petit oppida cursu
Ruftica plebs, ftipatque forum? fublime tribunal
Armigerique equitefque premunt, de more parati
Juftitiæ lances proferre fideliter æquas,
Grande capillitium induti, frontemque minacem.
Non temerè attoniti caupones, turbaque furum
Aufugiunt, gravidæque timent trucia ora puellæ.
At mox fida comes Polychasmia, matutinis
Quæ fe mifcuerat poc'lis Cerealibus, ipsum
Judicis in cerebrum fcandit---jamque unus & alter
Cæperunt longas in hiatum ducere voces :
Donec per cunctos Dea jam folenne, profundum
Sparferit Hum----nutant taciti, tum brachia magno 35
Extendunt nifu, patulis & faucibus hifcunt.




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Her eyes to open oft in vain fhe try'd,
Lock'd were the lids, her mouth diftended wide.
Her when Prometheus happen'd to furvey
(Rival of Jove, that made mankind of clay)
He form'd without the aid of heav'nly ray.
To three Lethæan cups he learnt to mix
Deep fighs of virgins, with three blafts from Styx,
The bray of affes, with the fat of brawn,
The fleep-preceding groan, and hideous yawn.
Thus Polychasmia took her wond'rous birth,
A Goddess helpful to the fons of earth.




Lo! how the ruftic multitude from far Hafte to the town, and crowd the clam'rous bar. The preft bench groans with many a squire and knight, Who weigh out justice, and distribute right : Severe they seem, and formidably big, With front important, and huge periwig. The little villains fkulk aloof difmay'd, And panic terrors feize the pregnant maid. But foon friend Polychafm', who always near, Herfelf had mingled with their morning beer, Steals to the judges brain, and centers there. Then in the court the horrid yawn began,



And Hum, profound and folemn, went from man to man : Silent they nod, and with prodigious strain

Stretch out their arms, then liftless yawn again:

Z 2


Intereà legum Caupones jurgia mifcent,
Queis nil Rhetorice eft, nifi copia major hiandi :
Vocibus ambiguis certant, nugafque ftrophafque
Alternis jaculantur, & irafcuntur amicè,
Donantque accipiuntque ftuporis miffile plumbum.

Vos, Fanatica turba, nequit pia musa tacere. Majoremne aliunde poteft diducere rictum ? Afcendit gravis Orator, miferâque loquelâ Expromit thefin; in partes quam deinde minutas Distrahit, ut connectat, & explicat obscurando : Spargitur heu! pigris verborum fomnus ab alis, Grex circùm gemit, & plaufum declarat hiando.



Nec vos, qui falfò matrem jactatis Hygeian Patremque Hippocratem, taceam---Polychasmia, veftros Agnofco natos: tumidas fine pondere voces 511 In vulgum eructant; emuncto quifque bacillum Applicat auratum nafo, graviterque facetus Totum fe in vultum cogit, medicamina pandens--Rufticus haurit amara, atque infanabile dormit;



For all the flow'rs of rhetoric they can boaft,
Amidft their wranglings, is to gape the moft:
Ambiguous quirks, and friendly wrath they vent,
And give and take the leaden argument.

Ye too, Fanaticks, never shall escape
The faithful muse; for who fo greatly gape?
Mounted on high, with ferious care perplext,
The miserable preacher takes his text;
Then into parts minute, with wondrous pain,
Divides, connects, and then divides again,
And does with grave obfcurity explain :
While from his lips lean periods lingring creep,
And not one meaning interrupts their fleep,
The drowsy hearers ftretch their weary jaws
With lamentable groan, and yawning gape applause.

The Quacks of Phyfic next provoke my ire,
Who falfely boast Hippocrates their fire:
Goddefs! thy fons I ken---verbose and loud,
They puff their windy bubbles on the crowd :
With look important, critical, and vain,
Each to his nofe applies the gilded cane;
And as he nods, and ponders o'er the cafe,
Gravely collects himself into his face,
Explains his med'cines---which the ruftic buys,
Drinks the dire draught, and of the doctor dies;







Nec fenfus revocare queant fomenta, nec herbæ,
Non ars, non miræ magicus fonus ABRACADABRÆ.

Ante alios fumma es, Polychafmia, cura Sophiftæ : Ille Tui cæcas vires, caufamque latentem Sedulus exquirit---quo fcilicet impete fauces Invitæ disjungantur; quo vortice aquofæ Particulæ fuitent, comitefque ut fulminis imbres, Cum ftrepitu erumpant; ut deinde vaporet ocellos Materies fubtilis; ut in cutis infinuet fe Retia; tum, fi forte datur contingere nervos Concordes, cunctorum ora expanduntur hiulca. Sic ubi, Phœbe pater, fumis chelyn, harmoniamque Abftrufam in chordis fimul elicis, altera, fiquam Æqualis tenor aptavit, tremit æmula cantûs, Memnoniamque imitata lyram fine pollicis ictu Divinum refonat proprio modulamine carmen.

Me quoque, mene tuum tetigisti, ingrata, Poetam? Hei mihi! totus hio tibi jam ftupefactus; in ipfo Parnaffo captus longè longèque remotas Profpecto Mufas, fitioque, ut Tantalus alter,






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