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For all the flow’rs of rhetoric they can boast,
Amidst their wranglings, is to gape the most :
Ambiguous quirks, and friendly wrath they vent,
And give and take the leaden argument:
Ye too, Fanaticks, never shall escape
The faithful muse;. for who fo greatly gape?
Mounted on high, with serious care perplext,
The miserable preacher takes his text;
Then into parts minute, with wondrous pain,
Divides, connects, and then divides again,
And does with grave obscurity explain :
While from his lips lean periods lingring creep,
And not one meaning interrupts their sleep,
The drowsy hearers stretch their weary jaws
With lamentable groan, and yawning gape applause.
The Quacks of Physic next provoke my ire,
Who falsely boast Hippocrates their fire:
Goddess! thy sons I ken--- verbose and loud,
They puff their windy bubbles on the crowd :
With look important, critical, and -vain,
Each to his nose applies the gilded cane;
And as he nods, and ponders o'er the case,
Gravely collects himself into his face,
Explains his med’cines---which the rustic buys,
Drinks the dire draught, and of the doctor dies;
Nec sensus revocare queant fomenta, nec herbæ,
Non ars, non miræ magicus sonus ABRACADABRÆ.
Ante alios summa es, Polychasmia, cura Sophistæ : Ille Tui cæcas vires, causamque latentem Sedulus exquirit---quo fcilicet impete fauces
60 Invitæ disjungantur ; quo vortice aquofæ Particulæ fuitent, comitesque ut fulminis imbres, Cum ftrepitu erumpant; ut deinde vaporet ocellos Materies subtilis ; ut in cutis insinuet se Retia ; tum, fi forte datur contingere nervos Concordes, cunctorum ora expanduntur hiulca. Sic ubi, Phæbe pater, sumis chelyn, harmoniamque Abstrusam in chordis fimul elicis, altera, fiquam Æqualis tenor aptavit, tremit æmula cantûs, Memnoniamque imitata lyram sine pollicis ictu
70 Divinum resonat proprio modulamine carmen.
Me quoque, mene tuum tetigisti, ingrata, Poetam ? Hei mihi ! totus hio tibi jam ftupefactus; in ipso Parnasso captus longè longèque remotas Prospecto Musas, sitioque, ut Tantalus alter,
No pills, no potions can to life restore;
ABRACADABRA, necromantic pow'r
Can charm, and conjure up from death no more.
But more than aught that's marvellous and rare,
The studious Soph makes Polychasm' his care;
Explores what secret spring, what hidden cause,
Distends with hideous chasm th' unwilling jaws,
What latent ducts the dewy moisture pour
With sound tremendous, like a thunder-show'r:
How subtile matter, exquisitely thin,
Pervades the curious net-work of the skin,
Affects th' accordant nerve---all eyes are drown'd
In drowsy vapours, and the
When Phæbus thus his Aying fingers Alings
Across the chords, and sweeps the trembling strings ;
If e’er a lyre at unison there be,
It swells with emulating harmony,
Like Memnon's harp, in ancient times renown'd,
Breathing, untouch'd, sweet-modulated found.
But oh! ungrateful! to thy own true bard,
Oh! Polychasm', is this my juft' reward?
Thy drowsy dews upon my head distill,
Just at the entrance of th' Aonian hill ;
Listless I gape, unactive, and supine,
And at vast distance view the facred Nine:
Castalias situs inter aquas, inhiantis ab ore
Nectarei fugiunt latices---hos Popius urna
Excipit undanti, & fontem fibi vendicat omnem.
Hand aliter Socium efuriens Sizator edacem
Dum videt, appofitufque cibus frustratur hiantem,
Dentibus infrendens nequicquam lumine torvo
Sæpius exprobrat; nequicquam brachia tendit
Sedulus officiosa, dapes removere paratus.
Olli nunquam exempta fames, quin frusta suprema
Devoret, & peritura immani ingurgitet ore :
Tum demum jubet auferri ; nudata capaci
Ofla fonant, lugubre fonant, allisa catino.
Wistful I vicw---the fireams increase my thirst,
In vain---like Tantalus, with plenty curst,
95 No draughts nectareous to my portion fall, These godlike Pope exhausts, and greatly claims them all.
Thus the lean Sizar views, with gaze agast,
The hungry Tutor at his noon's repast;
In vain he grinds his teeth---his grudging eye,
And visage sharp, keen appetite imply;
Oft he attempts, officious, to convey
The lessening relicks of the meal away---
In vain---no morsel 'scapes the greedy jaw,
All, all is gorg’d in magisterial maw;
Till at the last, observant of his word,
The lamentable waiter clears the board,
And inly-murmuring miferably groans,
To see the empty dish, and hear the founding bones.