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The PHYSICIAN and the MONKEY.
L'ADY fent lately to one Doctor Drug,
To come in an inftant, and clyfter poor Pug---
As the fair one commanded he came at the word,
And did the grand office in tie-wig and fword.
The affair being ended, so sweet and so nice! He held out his hand with--"You know, ma'am, my " price."
"Your price,” says the lady---- " Why, Sir, he's your "brother,
"And doctors must never take fees of each other."
HEN Phoebus was am'rous, aud long'd to be
Mifs Daphne cry'd Pish! and ran fwift to the wood,
And rather than do fuch a naughty affair,
She became a fine laurel to deck the God's hair.
The nymph was, no doubt, of a cold constitution;
For fure to turn tree was an odd refolution!
Yet in this she behav'd like a true modern spouse,
For fhe fled from his arms to distinguish his brows.
The BAG-WIG and the TOBACCO-PIPE.
Bag-wig of a jauntee air,
Trick'd up with all a barber's care,
Loaded with powder and perfume,
Hung in a spendthrift's dreffing-room ;
Close by its fide, by chance convey'd,
A black Tobacco-pipe was laid;
And with its vapours far and near,
Outftunk the effence of Monfieur ;
At which its rage, the thing of hair,
Thus, bristling up, began declare.
"Bak'd dirt! that with intrufion rude "Breaks in upon my folitude, "And with thy fetid breath defiles "The air for forty thousand miles --
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"Avaunt---pollution's in thy touch---
"O barb'rous English! horrid Dutch !
"I cannot bear it---Here, Sue, Nan,
"Go call the maid to call the man,
"And bid him come without delay,
"To take this odious pipe away.
"Hideous fure fome one fmoak'd thee, Friend,
(( Reversely, at his t’other end.
"Oh! what mix'd odours! what a throng
"Of falt and four, of ftale and strong!
"A most unnatural combination,
Enough to mar all perspiration--"Monftrous! again---'twou'd vex a saint ! "Sufan, the drops---or else I faint!" The pipe (for `twas a pipe of soul) Raifing himself upon his bole,
In fmoke, like oracle of old,
Did thus his fentiments unfold.
Why, what's the matter, Goodman Swagger, "Thou flaunting French, fantastic bragger? "Whose whole fine fpeech is (with a pox) "Ridiculous and heterodox.
"'Twas better for the English nation
"Before fuch fcoundrels came in fashion,
"When none fought hair in realms unknown, "But every blockhead bore his own.
"Know, puppy, I'm an English pipe,
"Deem'd worthy of each Briton's gripe,
"Who, with my cloud-compelling aid
"Help our plantations and our trade,
"And am, when fober and when mellow,
"An upright, downright, honeft fellow.
"Tho' fools, like you, may think me rough,
"And fcorn me, 'cause I am in buff,
"Yet your contempt I glad receive,
" 'Tis all the fame that you can give :
"None finery or fopp'ry prize;
"But they who've fomething to disguise;
"For fimple nature hates abuse,
"And Plainnefs is the drefs of Use."
LD Care with Industry and Art,
At length so well had play'd his Part ;
He heap'd up such an ample store,
That Av'rice cou'd not figh for more:
Ten thousand flocks his fhepherd told,
His coffers overflow'd with Gold;
The land all round him was his own,
With corn his crouded granaries groan.
In short so vaft his charge and gain,
That to poffefs them was a pain;
With happiness opprefs'd he lies,
And much too prudent to be wife.
Near him there liv'd a beauteous maid,
With all the charms of youth array'd;
Good, amiable, fincere and free,
Her name was Generosity.
'Twas hers the largess to bestow
On rich and poor, on friend and foe.
Her doors to all were open'd wide,
The pilgrim there might safe abide :
For th' hungry and the thirsty crew,
The bread fhe broke, the drink she drew;
There Sickness laid her aching head,
And there Diftrefs cou'd find a bed.
Each hour with an all-bounteous hand,
Diffused she bleffings round the land:
Her gifts and glory lafted long,
And numerous was th' accepting throng.
At length pale Penury feiz'd the dame,
And Fortune fled, and Ruin came,
She found her riches at an end,
And that she had not made one friend.
All curfed her for not giving more,
Nor thought on what fhe'd done before;