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thought, (but had no particular or direct evidence,) that my love was perfected. However, a few days after, in secret prayer, I had a firm persuasion that my soul was brought into that state. After some time, it pleased God to try me exceedingly. Some outward things were painful, and I have many inward conflicts. I had a fear lest there was something wrong in my heart. This, however, led me, or rather drove me, to the blood of sprinkling. I saw it would answer no good end to reason. I therefore cast myself into the hands of the Lord. Of late, my gracious Lord has shined upon my mind. I think he has destroyed unbelief, pride, and every unholy temper. However, whatever name is given to it, of this I am sure, I feel an indescribable union with God, and enjoy close and comfortable communion with him. I feel HE IS MINE, and I AM HIS.
“ Tues. 6.-In my way from Cawood to Riccal, I met with some difficulties. After crossing the ferry, I found the waters were out in some parts of the road; and being unacquainted with the best method of getting through, I got into a deep place, and had to cross a deep brook. I saw there was no other way; I considered myself engaged in the Lord's work; therefore I went through without fear, and my horse swam with ease. Blessed be God, he preserved me.
“ Frid. 30. Healough.—Here I sit alone with God. All is still and quiet about me.
Th wind whistles without, and my soul is led to solemn thoughts of time, death, and eternity. “All on earth is shadow. All beyond is substance.' Time appears a span, -an handbreadth! And yet how many of my precious hours pass unimproved. Oh! my heart is oppressed on account of my folly in mis-spending time. Broken covenants, solemn engagements neglected,—time whiled away, opportunities of doing extensive good lost for want of a heart ! a sense of these things deeply affects my heart. I am almost afraid of renewing my engagements to be wholly thine ; but I must, I will : if I perish in the attempt, I will try once more to give my all to thee.
"Mon. Dec. 3.—I had a gracious season this morning. I find the good of early rising. O how my soul is blessed, while many
around me are asleep. God forbid I should ever consume my time in bed, when I should be upon my knees. Sleep is a dull state of existence; and we should not shorten our time of activity by self-indulgence.”
On the 12th of December, my father wrote to his mother: it proved to be the last letter she ever received from him. It now lies before me. The following is an extract:
:-“My mind has been much engaged in prayer for you and
my father, brothers, &c. since my last visit. I consider this as a token for good. Certainly, it is the Lord who gives me that spirit of prayer; and, I trust, he will not suffer praying breath to be spent in vain. You and my father are now going down the hill. Infirmities are growing upon you, and will increase more and more. At your time of life the world has lost its charms; and little comfort can be derived even from the lawful enjoyments of life. Oh! what a privilege to have access to God, to enjoy a sense of his favour, and a lively hope of that inheritance, which is incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away. Oh! could I see or hear that my father was brought into this state, and that your
mind too is greatly enlarged in the service and enjoyment of our adorable Saviour, how would my heart rejoice. Then I think there would be a great probability that the rest of the family would be brought to know and love the Lord Jesus.
O that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would consider their latter end. I hope, my dear mother, you will endeavour to keep your heart engaged with God. Let every cross and trial drive
Then you will find help and comfort, and all things shall work together for good. A little while, and all will be over. Our life is a vapour, which appeareth for a little, and then vanisheth away. All on earth is shadow; all beyond is substance. Through infinite mercy we are well. And I can say, to the glory of God, that his service affords me more satisfaction than ever. Blessed be his holy name, though I am a poor, unprofitable servant, yet he is more and more kind to me. He enlarges my views, increases my faith, and fills me with peace and joy. 0 may I obtain mercy of the Lord to be found faithful."
“Mon. Dec. 17.—My mind has, of late, been unusually impressed with a sense of the vanity of the world, the shortness and uncertainty of human life, and the
awfulness and nearness of eternity. It seems to me, that I and all about me are just entering on eternity. Such a realizing sense I have lately had of eternity, that the longest life appears only as a point of time; and I am led to estimate this life as valuable on no other account than as it affords an opportunity of living for eternity. Ah ! how unimportant and inconsiderable are the most important affairs of time, except as they tend to promote or hinder the great end of life! I thank God, I am crucified to this vain world.
O ye blest scenes of permanent delight!
Yet, I know not how it is, when I am most dead to the world, I enjoy it most. My dear wife, and children, and friend are most dear to me. Lord, help me and mi to live and die well. Amen.
“Tues. Dec. 18.—In the evening, preached at Naburn, a new place. The congregation was large and attentive. Several, I believe, feel the importance of divine things, and their need of a Saviour. I trust much good will be done here.
Dec. 24, Little Askham.—I know not how it happens, but my mind is almost constantly impressed with a sense of the shortness of time. The longest life appears to be a mere point. And I have such realizing views of eternity just at hand, as I cannot express. My mind was delighted this forenoon, -when conversing with an aged sister about another who is lately gone to glory, with such a view of death as I never had before. It seemed easy, nay quite agreeable, to leave this for a higher state in the scale of being. • To die is gain.' Whether the death of my dear father Pawson, and the declining state of my dear mother and others whom I love, be the occasion of that habitual sense of the shortness of time and nearness of eternity, or whether the Lord be about to remove me or any of mine out of this world, I cannot say. I am blind to the future. But my God is not blind. Known unto him are all things from the beginning; and I have given myself and my all into his hands, This I am sure of, it is well to live as heirs of immortality,—as candidates for glory ought live, may
to do. O my God, let nothing sensualize my soul. 0 may I be more and more weaned from earth.
May my mind be more refined and spiritualized. May I be ever prepared for every event of thy providence. Whether I
I live unto thee, or whether I die, may I die unto thee. My soul labours and agonizes with desire for my precious wife and children, that they may all be bound up in the bundle of life with the Lord our God at last.
“ Dec. 25.--Our prospect in York is very promising. Very many are inclined to hear the word. Some are stirred up to seek the Lord; and the people of God are growing in the knowledge and love of our Lord Jesus. O Lord, revive thy work in the midst of the years.
Sun. Jan. 6, 1799.—Preached in the morning at Alne on the privileges of believers, from Rom. v. 145. Rode to Helperby, a large village near Boroughbridge, and preached at two to a large congregation. Most of them were attentive, while a few sons of Belial endeavoured to disturb us. I preached peace by Jesus Christ, from 2 Cor. v. 29. My worthy brother Stamp has been once before.
There appears to be a blessed prospect of good being done.
Mon. 7.-In my way to Newton was led out in meditation on the subject of omissions. That which led me to it was a recollection of the dying prayer of Archbishop Usher, ' O Lord, forgive me, especially my sins of omission. On a careful review of
conduct, I see I have suffered much by omissions. And this is very common with them that abhor glaring sins. But 'to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin. O my Lord, give me a tender conscience.
O may the least omission pain
My well-instructed soul,
Which makes the wounded whole!'
Wed. 9.-I received the mournful news of my dear mother's death. She has been breaking very fast for a year or more. When I was at Manchester in October, I was much struck with her appearance. The sprightliness and activity for which she was always remarkable, were gone ; and she could hardly move about her busi
For about a fortnight before her death, she was
much indisposed; yet, on the day previous to her dissolution she appeared much better, went about her business as usual, ate a hearty supper, and slept soundly. About three in the morning, my father awoke, and found her comfortably asleep. He lay down again ; and, waking in about an hour, found her dead. Her life has been of the active kind, and continued so to the end. She * ceased at once to work and live.' Her death is a great loss to the family. She has long toiled and laboured for its good. When we were all young, she took great pains to procure us a good education and suitable situations in life. She lived to see all her children well settled. She
died in peace.
Thurs. 10.-Set off between twelve and one this morning for Manchester, and arrived safely about noon. My father and brothers are much afflicted by the death of my
dear mother. Lord God, sanctify it to us all. “ Frid. 11.-We committed the mortal part of our dear mother to the dust. My heart was gladdened by the account which I had from a pious woman, a bandmate of my mother. She told me that for some weeks before her death, she enjoyed much of God, and seemed ripened for heaven. She was a wonder to many. Her soul appeared full of God. Blessed be his holy She is now
Far from a world of grief and sin,
With God eternally shut in.' Her memory is precious to me. O my Lord, help me so to live that I may meet her and all my pious departed friends in thy kingdom. Amen.
“ Sun. 27.-A day of great labour. Preached four times, and rode many miles. Wiston, morning ;-Cawood at eleven; Biggin at three ; and Cawood at six in the evening. The roads were extremely bad, and the fall of snow made it dangerous travelling; but the Lord preserved me; he was with me all day. Glory be to his holy name.
“ Sat. Feb 2.-Went to Fenton. The snow was so deep that they did not expect me.
O that I could perform the spiritual duties of the mind, exercise holy affections, &c. with the same uniformity with which I am enabled to attend to the outward duties of my
station. Then I should be a Christian minister indeed.