326 THE CHARITY DINNER. THE CHARITY DINNER. Time: half-past six o'clock. Place: The London Tavern. Occasion: Fifteenth Annual Festival of the Society for the Distribution of Blankets and Top-Boots among the Natives of the Cannibal Islands. O LITCHFIELD MOSELY. N entering the room we find more than two hundred noblemen and gentlemen already assembled; and the number is increasing every minute. The preparations are now complete, and we are in readiness to receive the chairman. After a short pause, a little door at the end of the room opens, and the great man appears, attended by an admiring circle of stewards and toadies, carrying white wands like a parcel of charity-school boys bent on beating the bounds. He advances smilingly to his post at the principal table, amid deafening and long-continued cheers. The dinner now makes its appearance, and we yield up ourselves to the enjoyments of eating and drinking. These important duties finished, and grace having been beautifully sung by the vocalists, the real business of the evening commences. The usual loyal toasts having been given, the noble chairman rises, and after passing his fingers through his hair, places his thumbs in the armholes of his waistcoat, gives a short preparatory cough, accompanied by a vacant stare round the room, and commences as follows: "My Lords and Gentlemen:-It is with feelings of mingled pleasure and regret that I appear before you this evening of pleasure, to find that this excellent and world-wide-known society is in so promising a condition; and of regret, that you have not chosen a worthier chairman; in fact, one who is more capable than myself of dealing with a subject of such vital importance as this. (Loud cheers.) But, although I may be unworthy of the honor, I am proud to state that I have been a subscriber to this society from its commencement; feeling sure that nothing can tend more to the advancement of civilization, social reform, fireside comfort, and domestic economy among the Cannibals, than the diffusion of blankets and top-boots. (Tremendous cheering, which lasts for several minutes.) Here in this England of ours, which is an island surrounded by water, as I suppose you all know—or, as our great poet so truthfully and beautifully expresses the same fact, England bound in by the triumphant sea'-what, down the long vista of years, have conduced more to our successes in arms, and arts, and song, than blankets? Indeed I never gaze upon a blanket without my thoughts reverting fondly to the days of my early childhood. Where should we all have been now but for those warm and fleecy coverings? ་ THE CHARITY DINNER. 327 My Lords and Gentlemen! Our first and tender memories are all associated with blankets: blankets when in our nurses' arms, blankets in our cradles, blankets in our cribs, blankets to our French bedsteads in our school-days, and blankets to our marital four-posters now. Therefore, I say, it becomes our bounden duty as men--and, with feelings of pride, I add, as Englishmen to initiate the untutored savage, the wild and somewhat uncultivated denizen of the prairie, into the comfort and warmth of blankets; and to supply him, as far as practicable, with those reasonable, seasonable, luxurious and useful appendages. At such a moment as this, the lines of another poet strike familiarly upon the ear. Let me see, they are something like this-ah-ah I forget the rest. (Loud cheers.) "My Lords and Gentlemen! I will not trespass on your patience by making any further remarks; knowing how incompetent I am-no, no! I don't mean that-knowing how incompetent you all are―no! I don't mean that either-but you all know what I mean. Like the ancient Roman lawgiver, I am in a peculiar position; for the fact is I cannot sit down-I mean to say, that I cannot sit down without saying that, if there ever was an institution, it is this institution; and therefore, I beg to propose, Prosperity to the Society for the Distribution of Blankets and Top-Boots among the Natives of the Cannibal Islands.'" The toast having been cordially responded to, his lordship calls upon Mr. Duffer, the secretary, to read the report. Whereupon that gentleman, who is of a bland and oily temperament, and whose eyes are concealed by a pair of green spectacles, produces the necessary document, and reads in the orthodox manner "Thirtieth Half yearly Report of the Society for the Distribution of Blankets and Top-Boots to the Natives of the Cannibal Islands." The reading concluded, the secretary resumes his seat amid hearty applause which continues until Mr. Alderman Gobbleton rises, and, in a 30mewhat lengthy and discursive speech-in which the phrases, 'the Corporation of the City of London,' 'suit and service,' 'ancient guild,' 'liberties and privileges,' and 'Court of Common Council,' figure frequentlystates that he agrees with everything the noble chairman has said; and has, moreover, never listened to a more comprehensive and exhaustive document than the one just read; which is calculated to satisfy even the most obtuse and hard-headed of individuals. 328 THE CHARITY DINNER. Gobbleton is a great man in the city. He has either been lord mayor, or sheriff, or something of the sort; and, as a few words of his go a long way with his friends and admirers, his remarks are very favorably received. "Clever man, Gobbleton!" says a common councilman, sitting near us, to his neighbor, a languid swell of the period. 66 Ya-as, vewy! Wemarkable style of owatowy-gweat fluency," replies the other. But attention, if you please!—for M. Hector de Longuebeau, the great French writer, is on his legs. He is staying in England for a short time, to become acquainted with our manners and customs. "Milors and Gentlemans!" commences the Frenchman, elevating his eyebrows and shrugging his shouiders. "Milors and Gentlemans-You excellent chairman, M. le Baron de Mount-Stuart, he have to say to me, 'Make de toast.' Den I say to him I have no toast to make; but he nudge my elbow very soft, and say dat dere is one toast dat nobody but von Frenchman can make proper; and, darefore, wid your kind permission, I vill make de toast. 'De brevete is de sole of de feet," as your great philosophere, Dr. Johnson, do say, in dat amusing little vork of his, de Pronouncing Dictionnaire; and, darefore, I vill not say ver moch to de point. Ven I was a boy, about so moch tall, and used for to promenade the streets of Marseilles et of Rouen, vid no feet to put onto my shoe, I nevare to have expose dat dis day vould to have arrive. I was to begin de vorld as von garcon-or what you call in dis countrie von vaitaire in a cafevere I vork ver hard, vid no habillements at all to put onto myself, and ver little food to eat, excep' von old bleu blouse vat vas give to me by de proprietaire, just for to keep myself fit to be showed at; but, tank goodness, tings dey have change ver moch for me since dat time and I have rose myself, seulement par mon industrie et perseverance. (Loud cheers.) Ah! mes amis ! ven I hear to myself de flowing speech, de oration magnifique of you Lor' Maire, Monsieur Gobbledown, I feel dat it is von great privilege for von stranger to sit at de same table, and to eat de same food, as dat grand, dat majestique man, who are de terreur of de voleurs and de brigands of de metropolis; and who is also, I for to suppose, a halterman and de chief of you common scoundrel. Milors and gentlemans, I feel dat I can perspire to no greatare honneur dan to be von common scoundrelman myself; but helas! dat plassir are not for me, as I are not freeman of your great city, not von liveryman servant of von of you compagnies joint-stock. But I must not forget de toast. Milors and Gentlemans! De immortal Shakispeare he have write, 'De ding of beauty are de joy for nevermore.' It is de ladies who are de toast. Vat is more en PRAYERS OF CHILDREN. 329 trancing dan de charmante smile, de soft voice, de vinking eye of de beautiful lady! It is de ladies who do sweeten the cares of life. It is de ladies who are de guiding stars of our existence. It is de ladies who do cheer but not inebriate, and, darefore, vid all homage to dere sex, de toast dat I have to propose is, 'De Ladies! God bless dem all!'" And the little Frenchman sits down amid a perfect tempest of cheers. A few more toasts are given, the list of subscriptions is read, a vote of thanks is passed to the noble chairman; and the Fifteenth Annual Festival of the Society for the Distribution of Blankets and Top-Boots among the Natives of the Cannibal Islands is at an end. Kneeling, white robed, for their "If we die "-so pray the children, rest. All in quiet nursery chambers, In the meadow and the mountain Darkness growing still more deep, And the mother's head droops low, Deep beneath the winter's snow- Little souls that stand expectant, |
